fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4007 ]

[ SECRET POST #4007 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4007 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Pokémon USUM]

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03.

[Moby]

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04.

[Brooklyn 99, Gina Linetti]

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05.

[Guardians of the Galaxy franchise]

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06.

[Illusion of Gaia]

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07.

[Stranger Things]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 45 secrets from Secret Submission Post #574.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I say this as a fellow Asian - your parents are messed up. I'm not suggesting they're horrible people, but they're kind of... not very nice as parents.

My mother accused me of the exact same thing. She said I was only nice to people when I wanted something. Only unlike you, I knew it was bullshit. I avoided her because she could never speak civilly to me, for any reason. Everything was an order, a complaint or a yelling contest about how I wasn't washing the dishes in the "right way" or how my hair looked bad or my clothes weren't what she thought I should wear. Nothing was ever good enough. It wasn't that she was incapable of speaking nicely to people, she just didn't feel that she needed to be nice to family. So by her reasoning, being civil to someone was "manipulative" because gee, why would you just talk to someone like they're a human being and not an idiot? Also how dare you WANT things such as privacy, or a parent who doesn't criticize every single thing you do? How unreasonable you are to want to decide what you want to wear or how to style your hair!

She's gaslighting you. Because if you doubt yourself, you'll be unable to offer any pushback to what she wants you to do. It's fucking up your sense of what's normal, but remember: your parents are NOT normal. This is a dysfunctional environment, and I hope you find a good therapist and get out. My relationship with my parents improved a lot after I left their home. They love me and want what's best for me, but we both needed that physical separation for them to LET GO.

Good luck!

..I'm not actually Asian for what its worth but, thanks that affirmation helps.

My parents did use the "only nice to people when I wanted something" I probably believed it because I could be very...emotionally volatile and explosive. My emotions were out of control more often, I'll be the first to admit it.

I've gotten out for the time being but the criticisms still ring in my head and effect how I handle things. I feel like I repeat cycles without thinking. Today at work I had a panic attack, and requested going home early. My manager was clearly annoyed (and sort of laughed which pisses me off a little) and told me to go. I picked up on his annoyance and then decided to stay and for the rest of my shift I went into what I like to call "manic overacheiver mode" until the end. and it basically played out like arguments with my parents did "upset, guilt, and overachieving because of guilt/to earn back things."

My relationship with them has gotten better from afar but I still feel I can't talk with them about our relationship and my issues because it always turned into "well you couldn't understand this because of your autism but..." and it just got old trying to talk about it. My only concern is if I have to go back.

I'm not the anon you replied to, but this: "My parents did use the "only nice to people when I wanted something" I probably believed it because I could be very...emotionally volatile and explosive." reminds me of myself. Do you think it's possible for you to have developed an emotionally explosive pattern because anything less was ignored and invalidated?

That actually makes sense! My parents never really understood a lot about mental illness aside from my mom having anxiety about one specific thing. and I guess my strange mess of mental issues became a lot to deal with.

I mean when I had severe OCD as a teenager my parents would try to make me feel better or brush it off with "everybody has a little bit of OCD" (was everybody making themselves throw up because of guilt about bad thoughts" at 15? Somehow I don't think so). On one occasion when they were busy and I tried to come to them about my OCD problems my dad initially snapped "Not everything's about you" before stopping to listen to me. I mean I'm glad he eventually listened but hearing that so many times starts to get to you and make you feel really bad about having problems.

And after high school I was really depressed and the next seven years were me trying to get help and attention about it and it frequently getting brushed off unless I had a full on conniption fit.

I don't like getting mad at people and I hate conflict especially being in the center of it. I really do. But I just needed something I wasn't getting and it was increasingly frustrating. It culminated in me having a near suicide attempt when I was 25 the winter after my grandmother died and I had a stressful year. and afterward my parents just took my phone away for a few months, and made sure I knew how much they didn't like paying the bills for my hospital bill.

I started to feel like I'd never get what I was hoping for.

God I probably sound unbearable now.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #4007 ]

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