Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2017-12-23 03:55 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2017-12-23 03:55 pm
[ SECRET POST #4007 ]
⌈ Secret Post #4007 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
01.
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02.
[Pokémon USUM]
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03.
[Moby]
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04.
[Brooklyn 99, Gina Linetti]
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05.
[Guardians of the Galaxy franchise]
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06.
[Illusion of Gaia]
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07.
[Stranger Things]
Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 45 secrets from Secret Submission Post #574.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: How do you stop..
My parents did use the "only nice to people when I wanted something" I probably believed it because I could be very...emotionally volatile and explosive. My emotions were out of control more often, I'll be the first to admit it.
I've gotten out for the time being but the criticisms still ring in my head and effect how I handle things. I feel like I repeat cycles without thinking. Today at work I had a panic attack, and requested going home early. My manager was clearly annoyed (and sort of laughed which pisses me off a little) and told me to go. I picked up on his annoyance and then decided to stay and for the rest of my shift I went into what I like to call "manic overacheiver mode" until the end. and it basically played out like arguments with my parents did "upset, guilt, and overachieving because of guilt/to earn back things."
My relationship with them has gotten better from afar but I still feel I can't talk with them about our relationship and my issues because it always turned into "well you couldn't understand this because of your autism but..." and it just got old trying to talk about it. My only concern is if I have to go back.
Re: How do you stop..
(Anonymous) 2017-12-24 04:20 pm (UTC)(link)Re: How do you stop..
I mean when I had severe OCD as a teenager my parents would try to make me feel better or brush it off with "everybody has a little bit of OCD" (was everybody making themselves throw up because of guilt about bad thoughts" at 15? Somehow I don't think so). On one occasion when they were busy and I tried to come to them about my OCD problems my dad initially snapped "Not everything's about you" before stopping to listen to me. I mean I'm glad he eventually listened but hearing that so many times starts to get to you and make you feel really bad about having problems.
And after high school I was really depressed and the next seven years were me trying to get help and attention about it and it frequently getting brushed off unless I had a full on conniption fit.
I don't like getting mad at people and I hate conflict especially being in the center of it. I really do. But I just needed something I wasn't getting and it was increasingly frustrating. It culminated in me having a near suicide attempt when I was 25 the winter after my grandmother died and I had a stressful year. and afterward my parents just took my phone away for a few months, and made sure I knew how much they didn't like paying the bills for my hospital bill.
I started to feel like I'd never get what I was hoping for.
God I probably sound unbearable now.