[ SECRET POST #4555 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4555 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 12 secrets from Secret Submission Post #652.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

Vent incoming in 3...2...1

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

Pretty sure I’m gearing up for my period since this stuff doesn’t normally bother me, but I’ve been crying randomly today so—

I want bio kids, but I’m already old enough that it’d be risky, even if I had a social support network, a significant other, a better handle on my own mental health, and way more money.

Someone in my fandom posted something about how she loves her kids but misses the “lifestyle and wardrobe” and world travel with friends she could afford when she and her husband both worked, before she was a stay at home mom, that she misses shopping in person instead of online, that tuition (for her three year old!) is expensive...

Her post made me grind my teeth with jealousy because I’ve never been in a relationship, my “wardrobe” has always been secondhand, my job barely allows me to feed myself and my cat, much less travel... the life she’s lamenting living now is one of my pipedreams, and the life she had pre-kids is something I’ve only ever seen on tv.

Living large is buying fast food when I’m too sore and tired to cook from scratch, or seeing a movie at the theater, or buying a bra that actually fits off ebay, and I feel guilty about that!

I know it’s not her fault she has a life worth envying, but I’ve been crying on and off all day over an innocuous blog post like a jealous idiot.

I’m mostly content because I try to focus on where I am now versus where I could have or feared I’d end up. I’m not an addict, a vegetable, in an institution, or dead. I have a place to live and a bachelor’s degree and a job I mostly like. It’s only half-time, but I have benefits and a pension (!?! might as well say ‘pet unicorn,’ right?)

But I’m still jealous of people for whom my past is a fucking Lifetime movie or Jerry Springer rerun, my present self an object of scorn or pity, and who don’t see life with a supportive spouse and adorable kids and enough money to never worry about being homeless as an unachievable paradise.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

I get it, anon. My life isn't terrible and I'm very fortunate in many ways... I have a family who loves me, I'm reasonably healthy, I'm not in danger of being homeless, etc. But it still irks me sometimes that life feels very much like a case of "getting by" rather than succeeding. I'm not where I'd like to be, and I've got limited control over how much progress I can make towards that goal. It's frustrating as hell.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

Oh man, that woman can't live her bourgeois lifestyle after having kids. That's terrible. My heart's breaking. I can't even use the computer right now, my eyes are tearing up so bad.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

I think you might be overreacting... I'm not sure where this wanting to have kids fit's into your jealousy of this person, because by my regard, they aren't being showy or obnoxious in their personal posting about their lives,
They are, have always been better off than you, than most people, I'll say. I'm just not sure why you should feel particularly jealous that they've given up most of what they enjoy, and are stating a basic fact that most parents must face, regardless of what it is they're giving up now they have children to raise...
The only life you can live is your own, the only action's you can control are your own. A person born unto a completely different life from you is irrelevant, really. There are people who might look at your life, and be just as jealous of you. Someone will always have it better, and someone else will always have it worse. Just do whatever you can do, because that's all that can be done.

Besides kids suck.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

Fuck it, I guess I’m hogging the vent thread now.

I’m at the point where every time I read a news article, I feel anxious and sick to my stomach. Hurting the vulnerable doesn’t even seem like a side effect of making the rich richer anymore; it feels like it’s a goal in an of itself that’s just as important to the current US administration as lining their own pockets—“the cruelty is the point,” “they’re not hurting who they need to be hurting.”

I’m not any kind of leader or organizer, but I hope there are organized protests I can join. I’ve gone to a few before, but I feel so useless because even making a phone call knocks me out mentally for the rest of the day, and also all my reps are Democrats who are at least nominally against concentration camps overflowing with children, so I don’t have to convince them to stop supporting this crap.

I don’t have much spare money to donate. I live near the border; I guess I could get a couple backpacks with a change of clothes and toiletries and snacks and find one of those organizations that gives newly arrived asylum seekers hot meals and stuff. So many of them are churches and I’m an atheist, but maybe I can find a unitarian or non-denominational organization if I can’t find a secular one.

Idk, I’m just sick at heart because even offering to adopt these poor kids out of the concentration camps would be wrong because mostly they have families already here that love and want to care for them. They’re just being held hostage by this fucking horrorshow of a government.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

I know the feeling. I want to do something, too. Donating money and joining protests is great and I fully support that and will happily do my part on that front as well.

But yeah, it doesn't feel at all like enough, does it? We need to have some kind of major national movement to push back on this shit. Maybe use social media to help galvanize an effort or something, so those like me who don't live near the border and can't afford to go there can participate, and those who do live there and may want to go physically help somehow can do so?

I dunno. I just keep trying to think of ways to shove back hard against this, 'cause I don't want to sit here and not do anything. This isn't the time to do nothing. Those kids need to know people will help and support them. So I'm all for hearing ideas from anyone, and I'll keep trying to think of things to do as well.

But yeah. I know the feeling of helplessness. Would that this could be enough reason to just throw Trump and his shitty administration out of office right now.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

My parents have been away on holiday for over a month, and get back on Saturday. I'm not sure how to avoid telling them how incredibly depressed I've been while they were away. This is the first time I've been completely alone in the house for more than a day in my life (both my pets died last year). It's sucked super hard.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

I'm so sorry about your pets, anon. I hope you feel a bit better when your parents get back.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry about your pets, anon. Are your parents the type of people you could usually be honest with about mental health issues? If so, you could maybe give them a day or so to get over their jet lag and stuff and ask if you could all have a talk. What would you like to have happen?

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[greghousesgf]

minor vent compared to the ones here but I lost a pin which fell off my shirt without my noticing it. It wasn't expensive but it had some emotional value to me; I own some jewelry that means a lot to me personally.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

Hey, that still sucks. Just because it's not a life disaster doesn't mean it's not a real loss. I hope it turns up somehow!

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[tabaqui]

My asshole neighbor hung a 'tRump 2020' banner and now a Confederate flag from his front porch. And the landlord (it's a rental) thinks it's just fine and dandy.

I'm buying an American Pride flag to hang up this weekend, but i really, really, really fucking hate living in a town where that's just no big fucking deal.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

That sucks super hard. I'd be tempted to stick up some of those "Make Racists Afraid Again" or "Civil War Runners Up" posters around, but tbh I'm way too anxious to do that for real.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

Ugh, what a shitheel. A pair of shitheels actually, since your landlord is okay with that.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[greghousesgf]

oh god. my neighbors can be pretty obnoxious but I don't think they'd do that in a million years.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

Steal it when no one's looking and play dumb...

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

I'm fat and I hate and I wish my mom would just flat out admit that she thinks I'm ugly instead of being "concerned for my health" despite the doctors continually telling me and her that I am very healthy. I've been eating better and working out and haven't lost a single pound and it just feels like I'm 16 all over again when I was starving myself just to lose weight.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

If you haven't already done so, you might want to get your thyroid checked out, anon. Hypothyroidism is extremely common, and it affects your metabolism so that it's a serious struggle to lose weight, plus you feel tired all the time which makes it even harder to exercise.

You also have my permission to tell your mom enough's enough, that you're doing what you can and nagging you about your "health" isn't helping at all. The end or leave all conversations where she starts talking about it.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[greghousesgf]

oh god, I can relate. when I was fat my mom was a real bitch about it, telling me she was ashamed to be seen in public with me, etc. I lost a lot of weight but I still resent her talking to me like that.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

Concern trolls are the worst, especially when they're in your own family/inner circle.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

I saw this little video on how to fight loneliness and one of the things it said was to spend more time with your friends and family. And I got really pissed off because if I had friends or family to spend time with I might not be watching videos on loneliness. I know that's irrational because it is good advice for most people but I really have no one except online and I'm still upset over the stupid video.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

Entirely fair. That's a stupid video, and it fatuously ignores the most common reason why people are lonely.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

Hoo boy, that would get on my nerves too. I’m down to two blood relatives and the nearest lives two hours away and the further away one lives in another state. I hang out with my one friend once every couple months because our days off don’t coincide. Otherwise I’m down to coworkers, pets, and parasocial relationships.

Re: Venting, feel free to join in

[(Anonymous)]

I have negative energy. I fell asleep yesterday when I wanted to take a shower. Getting up to brush my teeth feels like running a marathon.

On top of all things medical, my family are draining the life out of me. I hate them. I still love them, but I think I genuinely hate them. I hate how irresponsible and shitty they are. I just loaned one a stupid amount of money that I will never see again because I love the kids so much and don't want them to suffer for their parent's incompetence, but they are suffering anyway.

My life is just this inescapable loop of hell that I can never change.