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[ SECRET POST #5154 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5154 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 38 secrets from Secret Submission Post #738.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Just vent!

My brother, his wife, and my twelve-year-old niece are going to Spain in two weeks for the school holiday.

They feel bad for their daughter who can't get a good holiday unless they travel!

I spent all my school holidays at home (and loved it.) She's twelve. They can tell her, "Baby girl, it sucks, but we're living through a once-in-a-century pandemic so it's not wise to go to Spain this year. We'll get you video games and candy, or whatever you want to do at home. Spain will still be there when it's over."

VACATION IS NOT A HUMAN RIGHT

I HATE that attitude. Seriously, just have a staycation. Ugh, so fecking entitled.

Sounds like your brother and his wife are using your niece as an excuse to ~~risk lives~~ go on vacation, even though it's stupid irresponsible and I'm sure the kid would be happy with, idk, the price of a round trip ticket in gift cards and an iou for when travel is safe again.

Re: for all your venting needs

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-14 20:51 (UTC) - Expand

Growing up, almost all of our "vacations" involved visiting grandparents and other relatives because my extended family didn't live nearby and there wasn't enough money/time off work to visit them and take other trips. Of the three exceptions, two were weekend trips to places nearby and one was a trip to Hawaii... when I was in grad school (which I LOVED because I can remember it - one of the family-visits involved a trip to Disneyland when I was three and I remember fuck all so it's basically like we didnt even go there).

That's such a painfully privileged excuse that I feel secondhand embarrassment...

Well I thought I was on the mend finally from my covid infection last year, but no. I did too much and now my left side of my head feels like it's being pushed at from the inside and my left eye is bulging out a bit. Medical verdict is 'huh'.

I'm sorry. {{{hugs}}}

tired of being tired all the time

tired of being inside all the time

tired of not being able to walk around

tired of drinking way too much

tired of having more fucking obstacles between me and my dreams (which are unattainable at this point anyway)

tired of evil fucks never being held accountable for their evil, tired of their fucking dickless enablers licking the asses of whoever tried to kill them, tired of them giving the green light to more evil powers, foreign or domestic, to fuck us over further

but at least i have my chocolate. until they find a reason to take that too i guess.

SAME FUCKING HAT on every single point. you are me and I am you.

except I'm also out of chocolate as well as booze so fuck me until payday I guess.

My brother recently became a dad so of course he's pretty dang busy and I understand that he can't respond to my messages as quickly as I would like.
I can see all the random shit he tweets, and the random shit he reblogs on Tumblr, and of course I'm in the next room and can hear every time he phones our dad to chat... but I can *totally* understand why he hasn't replied to my text asking what his wife would like for her birthday in the two and a half weeks since I sent it-!

Uuuuuugh yes I'm fine and totally not sulking.

You live in the same house? Just go and ask him. Send a follow up text. Why are you getting into a spiral about his possible priorities to no one’s benefit?

Re: for all your venting needs

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-15 20:26 (UTC) - Expand

Urrrrgh I've been on a vacation for two days and everything was going so well then I got a phone call from a neighbour and I'm stressed up once again at the thought that my house might get burglared/vandalized/squatted/burned down while I'm away or the weekend after I'm back or next month or
that I'll never be safe again. Fuck it. I was supposed to take a break from all that shit and stop thinking about it for just a week. A week. That's not much, a week. And yet it's only been two meagre days and my peace of mind is already gone.

I think I'm pmsing but knowing the hormone fuckery will pass doesn't make it easy to endure. Paragraphs of wangst incoming.

I guess I'm officially a middle aged hoarder spinster cat lady. I went for a night walk last week and found a freaked out super friendly cat with no collar that was obviously an escaped indoor cat. As I was petting it and debating whether to knock on doors considering a) COVID b) ever-present crippling social anxiety, a man walked his dog past and I went "hey do you know this cat? I'm worried it--" and he interrupted me to say "oh shit that's my cat can you hold this?"

So I held his dog's leash while he followed his cat back to his house and let it in.

My aunt, one of the only people who can put up with me for long, said it sounded like a meet-cute.

I never even registered what the guy looked like, because I'm such a fat ugly slug I've given up even letting myself hope. I never got any positive attention from guys when I was young, and now I'm nearing 40 and still a mental, emotional, and physical mess. (He had a nice voice.)

I've already got a cat, but someone in my neighborhood must've moved or died from COVID because suddenly my yard is full up with scrawny hungry stray cats. I've been checking lost cat postings and taking pictures to post found cat notices, but in the meantime I've started feeding them.

My roommate/only friend who's not an elderly relative went on a hike yesterday and didn't invite me; I haven't gone on a hike since 2019 since I can't drive and I miss it. She's lost over a hundred pounds, just got a huge promotion, and is dating. I asked if I could tag along on the next hike (with friends from her work, not a new boyfriend, so I don't think I'd be a third wheel, but...) and didn't get an answer. I can't remember the last time we did anything social together.

And now my oven doesn't work so I can't even stress bake. I cleaned out behind the oven yesterday and found bits of oven insulation and droppings. When I got rid of the mice, tree rats moved in.

The rest of my house is still a sty, and I can't muster the energy or executive function to clean everything. So I'll do all the dishes, or scrub the floor, and then be wiped out, especially when I see everything that's still filthy.

Plus, my house is still gross and needs repair work and new appliances I don't have money for even when my hormones don't mug my brain and steal all my serotonin; I just lose the ability to ignore it and focus on the positive (steady job, decrepit-but-still-a-house, pets, lack of COVID.)

Time to curl up on the couch I've been sleeping on for three years because I don't have the energy or money to have someone haul away the couch and buy a new mattress so I can move my bed back here, with cheesy movies, tissues, a pan of brownies I bought because my oven doesn't work, and my cat. At least I have tomorrow off.

I'm older than you and no man has ever thought I was attractive due to my facial difference. I gave up over twenty years ago when a "close friend" began telling me to "try dating downwards"-- to date unattractive men I didn't want.

Re: for all your venting needs

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-15 05:07 (UTC) - Expand

Re: for all your venting needs

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-15 05:18 (UTC) - Expand

Re: for all your venting needs

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-15 05:38 (UTC) - Expand

Re: for all your venting needs

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-17 06:36 (UTC) - Expand

Re: for all your venting needs

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-15 05:53 (UTC) - Expand

Finding a doctor to deal with my TMJ has been a nightmare. My primary care thinks an oral surgeon to give me some kind of shot is the right doctor. But the only oral surgeon my insurance covers is one who literally only does surgery. They said what I need is several months of physical therapy. They also recommended a doctor to me that turns out to be a dentist. I don't have dental insurance. My dentist gave me a nightguard and nothing else.

My doctor has agreed to refer me to physical therapy. But that is going to take forever to give me relief.

Some googling says sometimes ENTs treat TMJ, so I'm now going to call some ENTs my insurance covers on Monday to see if they can treat me.

But the whole thing is so frustrating, and I'm still in so much pain all the time. And my doctor won't give me any other meds. He gave me 10 days of muscle relaxants, but those finished a couple weeks ago.

I can't sleep from the pain. I was awake until 6am this morning and only managed about 3 hours of sleep.

Edited 2021-02-14 21:56 (UTC)

fuckij aughh whatthe fuck im just done11 fhchbkn,;itcy42

I had a pretty disturbing dream and I just have to get it out there. I don’t remember most of it, but at one point, I was talking to my dad (in person), and for some reason he and my brother spontaneously decided to do the Michelangelo pose with the fingers almost touching. Random, but fine...except instead of his finger, my dad pulled out his dick. Right in front of me. The image was pretty vivid but thankfully has faded, and even more thankfully, it wasn’t based on real life since I’ve never seen my dad naked. He’s never done anything to inspire that kind of a dream, either. But it was gross and unsettling and it was my dad and just, ewww.

my sister's husband recently got covid and I'm worried about him. he's super nice too.

My brother-in-law had it around Christmas, but he's mostly recovered (and I'm trying not to worry about that). Good luck to your family!

Re: for all your venting needs

greghousesgf - 2021-02-15 05:27 (UTC) - Expand

Re: for all your venting needs

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-15 05:21 (UTC) - Expand

Re: for all your venting needs

greghousesgf - 2021-02-15 05:27 (UTC) - Expand

Re: for all your venting needs

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-15 05:39 (UTC) - Expand

I'm losing interest in this particular fandom and kinda going back to my old fandom/getting into a new one. I just feel like this particular fandom has nothing for me anymore (or never had, considering I got in for one character but they just keep shafting that character so hard he might as well not exist) and I just don't feel motivated to follow anymore.

Which sucks because I've made friends there and I just don't want to up and ghost everyone. But on the other hand I just don't feel motivated to write/read fic or do fanart, engage in fandom, etc. I'm not going to dissappear but it sucks following a fandom you're not into anymore.

I took a depression nap for most of the day and totally wasted my day off.

Re: for all your venting needs

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-15 01:46 (UTC) - Expand

I applied for a job I really want a few weeks ago. I admit it was a long shot, but it would mean working in my dream industry and I thought I had relevant experience I could make work. Crickets. It's been a long time since I job hunted, so I forgot about how it feels when you don't get any response. It's been long enough that I know the answer is no and I'm so below worth consideration that they didn't send a rejection email. Getting into that area is a pipe dream anyway. I should focus on going back to school and getting a degree in something that makes more money.

Re: for all your venting needs

greghousesgf - 2021-02-15 01:18 (UTC) - Expand

I've started drinking. I never really used to. But I'm tired and I'm bored and I hate my job, so it's a way to push through the mind-numbing tedium of everything. Everything's just... grey. I'm not sad, or angry, or anything. Everything is just pointless and grey, and I can't change that. So I drink. At least then things feel like they have a little color. I can watch a movie and laugh at it again. I'm a very giggly drunk, so it's nice.

Almost everyone in my family's an alcoholic. I always swore I'd never go down that road. But I get it now. Maybe there's just something wrong with us that makes us incapable of dealing with the mundanity of life. Alcohol helps. It does. I'm self-medicating, I know that, but the thought of stopping the one thing that actually makes me feel a little normal is terrifying in a way I can't express.

Re: for all your venting needs

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-15 05:20 (UTC) - Expand

Got in the mail signed albums of a disbanded group I had been waiting for! I had been searching for these for YEARS and someone sold their collection recently!

Without giving it much thought I sprayed some alcohol on the cover as I always do for everything I get in the mail because COVID and now I don't own signed albums anymore I just own albums. IDK what to say. :(

Re: for all your venting needs

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-15 05:22 (UTC) - Expand

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