[ SECRET POST #5154 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5154 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 38 secrets from Secret Submission Post #738.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: for all your venting needs

[(Anonymous)]

I think I'm pmsing but knowing the hormone fuckery will pass doesn't make it easy to endure. Paragraphs of wangst incoming.

I guess I'm officially a middle aged hoarder spinster cat lady. I went for a night walk last week and found a freaked out super friendly cat with no collar that was obviously an escaped indoor cat. As I was petting it and debating whether to knock on doors considering a) COVID b) ever-present crippling social anxiety, a man walked his dog past and I went "hey do you know this cat? I'm worried it--" and he interrupted me to say "oh shit that's my cat can you hold this?"

So I held his dog's leash while he followed his cat back to his house and let it in.

My aunt, one of the only people who can put up with me for long, said it sounded like a meet-cute.

I never even registered what the guy looked like, because I'm such a fat ugly slug I've given up even letting myself hope. I never got any positive attention from guys when I was young, and now I'm nearing 40 and still a mental, emotional, and physical mess. (He had a nice voice.)

I've already got a cat, but someone in my neighborhood must've moved or died from COVID because suddenly my yard is full up with scrawny hungry stray cats. I've been checking lost cat postings and taking pictures to post found cat notices, but in the meantime I've started feeding them.

My roommate/only friend who's not an elderly relative went on a hike yesterday and didn't invite me; I haven't gone on a hike since 2019 since I can't drive and I miss it. She's lost over a hundred pounds, just got a huge promotion, and is dating. I asked if I could tag along on the next hike (with friends from her work, not a new boyfriend, so I don't think I'd be a third wheel, but...) and didn't get an answer. I can't remember the last time we did anything social together.

And now my oven doesn't work so I can't even stress bake. I cleaned out behind the oven yesterday and found bits of oven insulation and droppings. When I got rid of the mice, tree rats moved in.

The rest of my house is still a sty, and I can't muster the energy or executive function to clean everything. So I'll do all the dishes, or scrub the floor, and then be wiped out, especially when I see everything that's still filthy.

Plus, my house is still gross and needs repair work and new appliances I don't have money for even when my hormones don't mug my brain and steal all my serotonin; I just lose the ability to ignore it and focus on the positive (steady job, decrepit-but-still-a-house, pets, lack of COVID.)

Time to curl up on the couch I've been sleeping on for three years because I don't have the energy or money to have someone haul away the couch and buy a new mattress so I can move my bed back here, with cheesy movies, tissues, a pan of brownies I bought because my oven doesn't work, and my cat. At least I have tomorrow off.

Re: for all your venting needs

[(Anonymous)]

I'm older than you and no man has ever thought I was attractive due to my facial difference. I gave up over twenty years ago when a "close friend" began telling me to "try dating downwards"-- to date unattractive men I didn't want.

Re: for all your venting needs

[(Anonymous)]

I don't understand that advice, regardless of who you are or who you are likely to date. If you're trying to find someone you fit with, why wouldn't you have standards? That's how you end up in shitty relationships.

Re: for all your venting needs

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt
he said that i wasn't attractive enough to get the types of men i wanted, that i was unattractive, and should date appropriately. he said that i would only get a couple of dates for coffee or whatever, implying that i'm too unattractive to get more dates or commit to.

Re: for all your venting needs

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Wow. What a dick.

Re: for all your venting needs

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt
Yep, he is a piece of shit.

Re: for all your venting needs

[(Anonymous)]

My issues aren't the same as yours, I think, but the end point is similar.

I don't have any obvious birth defects or big scars, I'm just plain and fat, but I read as, idk, slow? Or at least intellectually disabled (I mean, I have tons of mental issues, but so far as I know my IQ is in the normal range, I read constantly, I have a bachelor's degree and a full time job working with books... I'm probably autistic or something similar, but I never got diagnosed or anything.)

So people who hit on me, back when I got hit on, tended to be creeps, like the PTA mom who used to pick me up from high school and give me creepy compliments that people told me I was misconstruing, until she told me "I'm naked under my bathrobe," and I started walking the 4 miles home.

But then I got followed by a group of guys from school for a couple weeks chanting "rug, rug," because someone (female, presumably) had told one of them I didn't shave my pubes--I tried not to look at anyone else in the locker room because ffs I didn't want to see any of my classmates naked, but apparently it was just another bullying opportunity for them.

The only times I got kissed were in middle and high school when people dared each other to for money, while I tried to get away and freaked out at being cornered.

My late teens and early 20s involved catcalls and being followed and groped and propositioned (and stalked a couple times) but no flirting, no dates.

Some of the people who did that shit were attractive, I guess, physically.

I think of myself as asexual because I never had any positive memories or experiences of anything sexual, so while the idea of sex in the abstract is fine, I can't picture myself doing anything sexual (or even kissing) without freaking out.

At least I wasn't raised in the weird controlling ignorance of religious purity culture--I think I'd be even more fucked up, then. I just wish I had any good memories of romance/sexual stuff at all, especially today. When I'm not a hormonal mess I don't think about all the bad memories, but they fucking suck.