case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2022-03-20 04:23 pm

[ SECRET POST #5553 ]


⌈ Secret Post #5553 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 30 secrets from Secret Submission Post #795.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

I feel you OP

(Anonymous) 2022-03-21 01:32 am (UTC)(link)
I know where you're coming from. I never got anything but criticism on every level from my parents. It was only after they died I realized it was their anxiety making them behave that way; that was what passed for love for them, because they were worried about my future, I guess. But they never showed me any real love, only criticism and concern wrapped in anger for my behavior or aspects of my being, things that were inherently me, including my queerness.

But I've learned to let that go, because it's nothing they could change about themselves (they were immigrants and grew up during WW2) and nothing I could have done. And I'm happy with who I am. So yeah, I love Keith Mars with Veronica, and Tony Stark in Endgame with little Morgan, and all the other media dads who are soft supportive friends. <3

Re: I feel you OP

(Anonymous) 2022-03-21 02:33 am (UTC)(link)
Same, anon. My parents (my mother in particular) were and are really anxious people who worried a lot about their kids but it just... came out in unhelpful and somewhat toxic ways. I didn't really understand it at the time, but their overwhelming fear that I wasn't smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough or a hard enough worker to succeed at life was incredibly hurtful and damaging to my self-esteem. I'm a very anxious, fearful person as an adult who's terrified of failure. They didn't mean to do that to me. They were just scared, and wanted me to overcome those fears by, I don't know, being perfect? When I couldn't, they got more anxious and strict and tried to tough-love me into being the perfect kid.

Re: I feel you OP

(Anonymous) 2022-03-22 04:47 am (UTC)(link)
"They were just scared, and wanted me to overcome those fears by, I don't know, being perfect?"

I'm sorry! *hugs you* Really not helpful to a kid's self-esteem and anxiety levels, right? For me, they were just filled to the gills with anxiety from having grown up in food scarcity and fear. I hurt for all of us in retrospect, and it's helped me release a lot of my anger, if not my wishes for unconditional love.