fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5694 ]

[ SECRET POST #5694 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5694 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 33 secrets from Secret Submission Post #815.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm super frustrated that whenever I point out that I don't have irl friends, my online friends get all indignant. I don't mean I randomly go "Wow I wish I had friends", I mean in situations where it's like... I'm getting my wisdom teeth removed and they ask if I have anyone who can check on me. Or when I can't travel because I don't have any friends who could cat-sit. Or when I have no one to celebrate birthdays with.

Like, they could just assume that when I say I don't have friends, to their faces, when I tell them how much I love them and that they are my best friends all the time, that I mean I do not have an real life friends. They could just gloss over the nonspecificity and focus on the problem I'm describing, but they always have to make it about themselves instead and then my problem gets ignored so they can half-joke about being hurt.

I don't think any of them can really conceptualise how lonely I am. I don't talk to my family, I have no friends, I have literally no one to rely on. They have partners, roommates, parents, *someone* around them. And I'm not saying that means their lives are easier or whatever, but that they do not understand what it is like and it's so frustrating.

Could it perhaps mean that they expect you to talk about it, let them help you with making friends or invite them over?

Being a pretty lonely person both online and IRL (perhaps even more online nowadays which says a lot lol) this has happened to me before and years later I was told that I was unapproachable - I lived the farthest from my group of online friends and have social phobia to boost which makes me extra shy/impersonal. I wasn't going for "unapproachable" but my online friends felt that about me.

Unfortunately it's just not feasible to hang out with them :( Most of them live in the US and I'm from Europe. One of them lives in the same country as me, but even then it's in a completely different city and he has a full time job, so hopping over to help me out is not on the table.
I don't think they mean anything by it, I think it's just an easy thing to forget since it is pretty unusual to have literally no one to rely on. Still, I wish they would express sympathy instead of me having to pivot to reassuring them.

Like, they could just assume

They could just gloss over

Or, you could say specifically what you mean so they don't have to "assume" or "gloss over" you saying something that hurts their feelings? My mom does this kind of shit to me all the time and then says "oh, you knew what I meant" when it would've been just as easy to be more careful with her word choice.

Do you perhaps think that having issues with your mom leads you to projecting those same issues on strangers on the internet?

No, I have issues with people saying something other than what they mean, and then getting annoyed that other people can't read their minds and just "assume" (your word) that the specific words they used actually were supposed to mean something else.

Okay.

NAYRT - Dude you are projecting so hard and AYRT doesn't deserve it. When someone is being vulnerable and expressing a fairly serious issue that they are struggling with, making it about you by jumping on a shallow surface interpretation of what they're saying is not the way to go.

Bruh.

That's ironic, feeling so insecure about their value as friends that they're actually being kind of crappy friends.

I get you, OP. I love my online friends, some of them I've known for more than a decade. But when they don't live in my state and I could really use someone to help me out IRL... well, they wish they could be there and I wish they could be there, but none of my online friends tries to make my legit problem all about themselves, nor do they try to guilt trip me about wanting/needing friends who can be physically available as well as emotionally available.

I'm really, really sorry, anon. I know a little of what you're going through as regards loneliness. It's pretty frightening.

Sending you hugs, if that will help at all.

:) Thank you, it's appreciated.

I feel this, nonny. I'm basically all by myself in my town, estranged from family (since they're half assholes and half cowards). I have acquaintances throughout the state (and I'm even questioning those relationships), but to say, drive me home from a hospital procedure or something? I'm on my own. I even recently left an online group because of past drama and other complicated reasons.

You have my sympathy. Throughout my life I've had the habit of sticking around toxic people because I didn't want to be alone, so I know that leaving a group when your world is already that small is scary.
I hang on to the hope that things will get better and I wish that dearly for you too.

Thanks. Not sure if you're airt but I wish that for you too. And anyone else who really needs it right now.

I totally understand. I only have one IRL friend left and my family and me tend to clash 50% of the time. I fear for my future.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #5694 ]

Re: Vent thread

Re: Vent thread

Re: Vent thread

Re: Vent thread

Re: Vent thread

Re: Vent thread

Re: Vent thread

Re: Vent thread

Re: Vent thread

Re: Vent thread

Re: Vent thread

Re: Vent thread

Re: Vent thread

Re: Vent thread

Re: Vent thread

Re: Vent thread