fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6034 ]

[ SECRET POST #6034 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6034 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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05. [WARNING for discussion of rape/sexual assault]

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06. [WARNING for discussion of suicidal ideation]

[Clockwise: Puella Magi Madoka Magica / Halo 4 / Ninomae Ina'nis / Enya]

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07. [WARNING for transphobia]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 30 secrets from Secret Submission Post #862.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

You do you, and I hope that keeps working out for you. Sincerely.

I don't plan to change a thing about how I do it, though.

So much this.

Hard pass. I don't mind third wheeling (I have attitude "it's not me who is the third wheel but your SO who is interfering with our friendship time" ahahahaha). But having no privacy while everyone have it? Fuck this shit. That's actually quite infuriating.
Also with people I am not familiar with? So I am going to sleep in a common room while this people stroll around? Nope. No going to sleep early because everyone else are playing IN YOUR ROOM into the night? Nope nope nope.
Sorry my only advice is - Fuck this shit. I am really angry on your behalf because we always get this shit, aren't we? Would you be invited if you were with a partner? Would it be the same no privacy shit if you were with a partner? I bet no.

I agree with you entirely. And if I had any doubt about what kind of ridiculous the people trying to argue for the opposite point are, their extreme reliance on appeals to emotion pretty much settled the question.

On the upside, I really appreciate all the more that the authors I follow on the AO3 never pull this kind of behavior. I sort of took that for granted before I saw what a source of drama comments could be on f!s.

Oops, that's a lot of "shit" in one comment but I became heated there haha.

Sounds kind of like an opinion.

See second post, because I can't really tell if running through the plot of a fic in the hope that someone will recognize it counts as spoilery.

If you want to ask the comm about some other lost fic, this thread is also open for that. Just maybe change the title in your reply.

I think you and they underestimate the amount of hate BIPOC actors (and LGBT actors, especially trans actors) get just for existing. But I agree that the big corporations and well-known creators need to do a lot more to support the people they use as their "face". The Percy Jackson author telling off the fanbase for going after a BIPOC girl was good (and he's shown support for other minorities as well).

There was a story where Hawkeye had been trained by Rumlowe, I think, to feel compelled to obey any direct order that anybody gave him. The story never once took that in a sexual direction. It was all about him having to cover for his damage when he was a part of the Avengers, (assumed to be an autonomous adult) and all his internal, psychological stuff. At the end someone sort of evil knows his secret and orders him to jump off their heliplane thing when they're in the middle of the sky, and he delays as much as he humanly can and then does it. But he is narrowly rescued and the head of the Avengers decides they will figure out how to help him deprogram instead of deciding he's inherently untrustworthy or trash (which is what he'd feared and been trying to hide from).

I was taken with it, and I'm not even in the Avengers fandom, so I don't know how to search for it on the AO3, with just these themes I can remember from the plot. But I thought maybe someone here would know what I'm talking about and be able to help.

What you really don't seem to get is that the social contract here is different for what you think. It's not "I will give the world a gift as long as I recieve X many nice thank-you cards, afterwards," it's "I wrote this. Read it if you want to, and I can be reached over here if you want to say something."

The arrangement we've got works for literally everyone except the people who expect to be paid.

The lack of privacy would kind of annoy me in this specific instance, but other than that? I tend not to even notice if everyone around me is couples. Most of the time if it's a group hanging out with me, or even just one couple, by definition that means they're not doing "romantic" things. We're all just doing a thing together. Some of them are romantically involved with one another, but it's not like they're all making out in front of me or something. Maybe there's some hand-holding or kissing, but since I don't want that, it doesn't make me feel left out. Rather, I'm pleased they want me around despite being "just a friend".

So... yeah, I dunno how I'd "deal with it", if I even noticed, heh. The differing treatment in this case though about "the odd one out" meaning you get less privacy than the couples, that would irritate me regardless of the romantic status of anyone involved. :P

Oh fuck off back to /pol/.

Yeah, this. The thing is, if you're single, you're always going to be the "odd one out" in a group of couples by default. It doesn't mean they think less of you or anything like that. And like you said, this is a group thing, so it's not like them being couples is really going to matter since it's just going to be a group of people hanging out and doing decidedly non-coupley things.

The room thing is annoying but that's also something I've had to deal with in situations where a whole bunch of my single friends and I rented a cabin since there's usually always one loft bed that isn't in a room per se and someone is going to end up having to take it if there are exactly as many people as there are beds in the cabin.

Because there are things I wish would happen in the shows.

yup! hows ya doin eh tell your folks I sez hi

for real though, this spring/summer has been shit, I'm soaking up every drop of rain we can get. floods everywhere except here, climate change is balls.

this isn't an aroace thing, this is an inconsiderate bunch of people not considering that inviting their "single" friend and then asking them to basically take the shit-tier lodgings just so they can plausibly be part of a party is actually being really bad friends.

I'm neither aro nor ace but if I was invited to a cabin with 3 couples I'd nope the shit out just from being some sort of invite filler without the arbitrary pass to warrant the luxury of a private room. It's fucking rude. If you were friends with all 6 people and happy to have a couch just to be able to have a killer weekend with your 6 best friends, that's one thing, but it sounds like this ain't that. Love yourself and don't fill out someone's guilt invite - you being uncomfortable in any sense, including a bad night's sleep, isn't a price to pay so they don't feel guilty for not inviting you to their shindig.

The secret is to invite other single friends and to not let the couples claim the 'best' rooms just because they're couples. And I say that as part of a couple who has gone on several group trips.

I would also demand that the game loft became your room and that socialising will occur in other parts of the house. It is absolutely not okay for your comfort and sleep to be at the whim of the other people in the house, when they have a private room to go back to.

Most social norms boil down to expectations, backed up by actions. They are collective opinions as opposed to individual points of view, but the likelihood of getting rebuked for obliviously ignoring it is pretty high. All online communities I've ever interacted with have these.

The first person this thread replies to was wondering why people were being hostile. Explanation was provided. Breaking a social norm that has the general implication of "people who don't do this are expressing disrespect to the people listening to them" has the logical consequence that people respond in kind: sharply and harshly.

If the OP had said "I hate kudos. I get discouraged and stop writing when no one praises my fics with actual comments." people would probably be tired of the sentiment, but they'd pull their punches more than when they're hearing "I hate kudos, I work so much when I write and pressing a button is lazy. It's so easy to comment!" I've seen the difference between replies when people feel nagged and replies when people feel like the secret poster has an opinion they don't like but is owning that it's basically their problem.

I'm really not sure how seriously to take this secret. You can turn off emails for kudos, that's in the preferences and I'm not sure why you wouldn't look there if you really were so annoyed by it. I'm also baffled by you taking people giving your works kudos as them wanting you to stop writing, what a bizarre thought - people liked this, but not the right way so they obviously want me to stop. Unless of course you've put something to that effect in your notes, in which case, fair enough, and apparently, they do. If you truly write for feedback and don't get any satisfaction out of it otherwise, then maybe you should stop. Put your stuff on Patreon or something similar if you'd rather get paid.

german (native), english (fluent), french (intermediate), japanese (advanced/still learning)

good luck on the narwhale!
my godsons birthday is today so we will celebrate. he expressed a wish to learn crochet, so i got him a picture heavy book and some larger size hooks.

IDK babe

Seems like you're trying to garner more comments and blaming it on the kudos. Because apparently being honest about wanting comments on your fics alone is a shitty look.

I've accepted that my fics just don't garner many comments.

Ultimately, I write to get my stories out there and if anyone reads it I hope they enjoy it. Kudos and comments are just extra things that come along (if they do).

If you are a writer who writes with intent to get comments/kudos/a lot of engagement, then you have to network and promote and know your audience.
You can't just write a fic without any grammatical errors and is canon compliant and suddenly your fic is a big hit with all the comments.

Just because you posted a fic doesn't mean you are guaranteed readers, much less comments or engagement of any kind.

Writers have to go into writing knowing this.

AND if you want engagement, you have to be honest about it and put in the effort (also knowing it's not a guarantee).

Worried about people look down on writers "begging" for comments?

Yeah well how else will anyone knows what their desires are?

This is on the macro. I understand that writers who keep going, "If I don't get [X] comments I won't post the next chapter," are IMO dickbags.
And I'm not saying I expect readers to leave comments when a writer is clearly wanting comments/engagement on their fics.

But IMO people often are too passive or aggressive with stating their expectations and desires, and then they get mad when no one is giving them what they want.
Like, both writers and readers have this selfish entitlement of like, "how dare you!"
"How dare you not leave comments on my fics when I worked so hard on this. All I want is a comment is that so hard??"
"How dare you ask anyone to compliment you?!"

And it's like...I thought we were a community.
You take a little. You give a little.
Why is everyone always so passed off everyone else won't get in line and do what they want?

Like IDK y'all. I'm at the point now where I've given up hope of the internet being a place for people to build communities together. It's just platforms for people to become famous/important amongst other netizens.

I love kudos because they provide a way for people who are too shy or don't know what to say in a comment to show their appreciation for a fic. I honestly don't think they reduce the number of (meaningful) comments authors get, and am fine with a kudos replacing a simple 'I liked it!' or 'Thanks!' comment, if it's allows others who would otherwuse not comment to express appreciation. Glass half full, baby!

So glad this is the first comment and is non-judgmental because I was rolling my eyes, thinking, "Have you ever thought of opting out of getting email notifs?"

Same! A kudos meant an actual person read my fic and liked it. Makes me very happy!

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[ SECRET POST #6034 ]

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Re: My aroace people, how do you deal with being the 3rd wheel?

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SA

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Looking for a hawkeye fic that I can't figure out how to locate again

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Re: Looking for a hawkeye fic that I can't figure out how to locate again

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Re: My aroace people, how do you deal with being the 3rd wheel?

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Re: My aroace people, how do you deal with being the 3rd wheel?

Re: Why do you write fic or make fanart?

Re: Weekend Plan

+1

Re: My aroace people, how do you deal with being the 3rd wheel?

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Re: Do you speak more than one language?

Re: Weekend Plan

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