fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6034 ]

[ SECRET POST #6034 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6034 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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05. [WARNING for discussion of rape/sexual assault]

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06. [WARNING for discussion of suicidal ideation]

[Clockwise: Puella Magi Madoka Magica / Halo 4 / Ninomae Ina'nis / Enya]

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07. [WARNING for transphobia]

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I'm actually the seventh wheel but it is all the same. My friend asked me if I wanted to go on a long weekend to a cabin in October. It would be her and her husband and two other couples (one I've never met and one I've only met once). We'd be drinking, playing board games, and hanging out.

I am reluctant because I hate being the odd one out in a group of couples.

It doesn't help that all the couples will be getting private rooms but I'll be in the game room loft. I don't have a door to close when I want to sleep at night or any place private to put my stuff (plus I'll have to change in a shared bathroom).

So, I think I would enjoy the gaming and drinking. But I'd hate being the odd one out and no privacy.

That'd be a hard pass from me, because I'd feel equally awkward being the odd person out. It'd be one thing if it's a get together for one night where I get to go home to my own house but... game loft? Nah. And I hope they didn't split the cost of that cabin equally and expect you to pay as much for your privacy-less accomodation.

That would be a hard pass from me. I’ve never been the third wheel for longer than a few hours and I’ve always felt weird and awkward. I just don’t know when to jump into a conversation and I don’t feel comfortable talking about all my random interests like how I usually do when it’s just me and my friends.

When I hang out with couples I'm never the third wheel. Usually the girlfriends/wives hang out with me and we kinda force the guys to hang out with each other lmao.

Not aroace, just weighing in from a perspective of when I've been the single in a room of couples, hope that's OK. I would be comfortable with this if I was friends with the couples, and could hang out with each person separately. Couples who I don't know, who are more likely to hang out on their own, I would be shy around. What you described sounds awkward unless you're very confident around strangers. I would totally go for this if I knew everybody or even most of the people but in your circumstances I'd pass!

I would pass, but I also don't really like people so I'm probably not the best person to ask lol.

Hard pass. I don't mind third wheeling (I have attitude "it's not me who is the third wheel but your SO who is interfering with our friendship time" ahahahaha). But having no privacy while everyone have it? Fuck this shit. That's actually quite infuriating.
Also with people I am not familiar with? So I am going to sleep in a common room while this people stroll around? Nope. No going to sleep early because everyone else are playing IN YOUR ROOM into the night? Nope nope nope.
Sorry my only advice is - Fuck this shit. I am really angry on your behalf because we always get this shit, aren't we? Would you be invited if you were with a partner? Would it be the same no privacy shit if you were with a partner? I bet no.

Oops, that's a lot of "shit" in one comment but I became heated there haha.

this isn't an aroace thing, this is an inconsiderate bunch of people not considering that inviting their "single" friend and then asking them to basically take the shit-tier lodgings just so they can plausibly be part of a party is actually being really bad friends.

I'm neither aro nor ace but if I was invited to a cabin with 3 couples I'd nope the shit out just from being some sort of invite filler without the arbitrary pass to warrant the luxury of a private room. It's fucking rude. If you were friends with all 6 people and happy to have a couch just to be able to have a killer weekend with your 6 best friends, that's one thing, but it sounds like this ain't that. Love yourself and don't fill out someone's guilt invite - you being uncomfortable in any sense, including a bad night's sleep, isn't a price to pay so they don't feel guilty for not inviting you to their shindig.

The lack of privacy would kind of annoy me in this specific instance, but other than that? I tend not to even notice if everyone around me is couples. Most of the time if it's a group hanging out with me, or even just one couple, by definition that means they're not doing "romantic" things. We're all just doing a thing together. Some of them are romantically involved with one another, but it's not like they're all making out in front of me or something. Maybe there's some hand-holding or kissing, but since I don't want that, it doesn't make me feel left out. Rather, I'm pleased they want me around despite being "just a friend".

So... yeah, I dunno how I'd "deal with it", if I even noticed, heh. The differing treatment in this case though about "the odd one out" meaning you get less privacy than the couples, that would irritate me regardless of the romantic status of anyone involved. :P

Yeah, this. The thing is, if you're single, you're always going to be the "odd one out" in a group of couples by default. It doesn't mean they think less of you or anything like that. And like you said, this is a group thing, so it's not like them being couples is really going to matter since it's just going to be a group of people hanging out and doing decidedly non-coupley things.

The room thing is annoying but that's also something I've had to deal with in situations where a whole bunch of my single friends and I rented a cabin since there's usually always one loft bed that isn't in a room per se and someone is going to end up having to take it if there are exactly as many people as there are beds in the cabin.

I think that's the main point. Some accommodations are not ideal and someone need to choose sleeping in a common area. Or you all share rooms. But OP wasn't graced with a choice. They are the odd one out so they stuck with a shitty bed in a common room. Because everyone is a couple so they need their ~privacy~ But OP apparently doesn't. It's this exclusion that is annoying af.
Their friend doing "oh, I have one extra bed no one else would want I should totally invite my single friend".
I am projecting of course, but this situation is all kinds of awkward

Same for me. I would be perfectly fine (and have been in a similar scenario) if I had my own private room. The lodgings arr the issue for me, not that I would be the only single amongst couples.

The secret is to invite other single friends and to not let the couples claim the 'best' rooms just because they're couples. And I say that as part of a couple who has gone on several group trips.

I would also demand that the game loft became your room and that socialising will occur in other parts of the house. It is absolutely not okay for your comfort and sleep to be at the whim of the other people in the house, when they have a private room to go back to.

Hard pass for me too. I'm OK (to an extent) with being the odd one out, but staying in the game room with no real privacy sounds awful/unbearable (I'd get so resentful at some point lol).

The only ways I'd be able to join in are if I could bring along a friend/my sister so I can at least have someone there I can engage with/partner up with when the couples are busy doing their couples stuff (and my friend/sister and I also get our own rooms, we deserve privacy) OR I get my own room so if I want to be alone/going to sleep, I have my own space to do things by myself.

And on the macro, I highly recc traveling alone (of you can afford) or doing an event you enjoy alone. It's helped me feel a lot less anxious when around couples/cliques and I'm the solo person not engaged in whatever is going on.

It's pretty scary at first, but like learning to ride a bike/integrating a new program at work, you get better as you pick up new skills and learn tricks and shortcuts. Using training wheels/have someone or something to help you navigate.

I flew out to visit a friend as my first solo trip (going to the airport and flying on a plane by myself was a huge anxiety of mine). My friend was a very kind host! We also got to visit a nearby city for a couple days, so I had them there with me as my guide of sorts.

My next solo trip was meeting an online friend because we were going to the same con. I felt less scared to go to a big event because I knew I'd meet someone I know there. My first time booking and staying at a hotel solo was the new hurdle in this trip.

And then I went on my first real solo trip earlier this year and it was so nice to just do everything on my own time. Flew out to a new city to an event I was going to attend and staying a hotel all by myself. Of course, stressful times sucked a lot, but being able to go through the stresses alone ensured I was fine by myself. It was also SO NICE to do things purely on my own time. Didn't have to worry about meeting someone somewhere or doing something that they don't like, compromising on where to eat, etc.

Have gone to watch films alone (like that time I got super high and missed basically all of the Bruce Lee stuff in "Once Upon A Time in Hollywood" at Cinebarre because I had to rush to the bathroom to throw up and take a shit lmao), ate at restaurants alone, went to a concert solo and that forced me to talk to a fellow concert goer, who was kind and fun to talk to.

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[ SECRET POST #6034 ]

My aroace people, how do you deal with being the 3rd wheel?

Re: My aroace people, how do you deal with being the 3rd wheel?

Re: My aroace people, how do you deal with being the 3rd wheel?

Re: My aroace people, how do you deal with being the 3rd wheel?

Re: My aroace people, how do you deal with being the 3rd wheel?

Re: My aroace people, how do you deal with being the 3rd wheel?

Re: My aroace people, how do you deal with being the 3rd wheel?

SA

+1

Re: My aroace people, how do you deal with being the 3rd wheel?

Re: My aroace people, how do you deal with being the 3rd wheel?

Re: My aroace people, how do you deal with being the 3rd wheel?

Re: My aroace people, how do you deal with being the 3rd wheel?

Re: My aroace people, how do you deal with being the 3rd wheel?

Re: My aroace people, how do you deal with being the 3rd wheel?