[ SECRET POST #6078 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6078 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 32 secrets from Secret Submission Post #869.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Both are annoying, but I think there's a fundamental difference in children acting like children (and teenagers who think 20+ is old definitely count as children) and adults acting like children, and what it says about the people acting that way.

[(Anonymous)]

Not when the children acting like children is more like children acting like fucking psychos who pretend they don't know bullying is bad and rape/death threats, suicide baiting and other borderline criminal behaviour is not the "teehee I'm just a kid I don't know better uwu" thing they think it is.

[(Anonymous)]

...not trying to be sarcastic here, but has that not been children forever? Bullying wasn't invented in the 00s. It just moved online. Kids were just as vicious in the 80s.

[(Anonymous)]

I mean... sure? But saying "oh kids where always like that so it's nbd" is kinda like excusing men and boys being sexist/gross towards women/girls by saying "oh boys will be boys". And the main difference betwen kids being bullies in the 80s and kids being bullies now is that the internet and anonymity has made things arguably worse. And I've seen more young fans being major bullies than older fans in most fandoms I've been in.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Bullying is bed, regardless of who is doing it. But adults bullying is worse than kids bullying. Adults, at least, have fully developed brains. They have no excuse whatsoever. Kids doing it is still bad, but not as bad as adults doing it.

[(Anonymous)]

There's a level of immature and dumb behaviour I'll expect from teens. I find out some asshole online is 17 I'll roll my eyes and hope they grow up in a few years while blocking them, I find out an asshole online is my age or older? I boggle at how they haven't managed to grow up at all in that time and wonder how they behave and cope irl while also blocking them. Being a dumb kid is something you can grow out of, being an entitled and dumb adult is pathetic and sad.

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt

There's annoying, immature behavior, and then there's actively bullying others with vicious personal attacks, doxxing other fans for disagreeing with them about a fucking movie or TV show, and issuing endless death and rape threats at anyone they don't like, and cyberstalking and swatting other fans.

One of the ways kids learn not to be assholes is by having to deal with the consequences of their own asshole behavior, and a lot of the grown-up asshole bullies were asshole bully kids who never had to deal with any consequences for it or were even rewarded for such behavior.

[(Anonymous)]

But in order for that 17 year old to truly grow up, it has to be made clear to them that that kind of behavior isn't okay.

People respond to incentives and disincentives. If the incentives for young people encourage them to be assholes, and there's no disincentive for them because all of the adults are shrugging and saying, "eh, they're just kids, no big deal, they'll grow out of it," then those kids are very likely to keep being assholes well into adulthood.

[(Anonymous)]

This! Letting kids be horrible all they like with shrug and a "kids will be kids, they can't help it, their brains aren't finished" is not actually doing them any favors. If they can't learn not to do that without facing consequences, then they need to face some consequences. Even if that's just getting lots of pushback online, it's very important that they get that!

It's not as if their only victims are thick-skinned adults. They go after a lot of vulnerable people: fellow minors, people with mental health issues that makes them very susceptible to bullying, etc. Maybe they have youth-related reasons for being awful, but does it really matter to their victims? Someone killed by a minor is just as dead as someone killed by an adult.

[(Anonymous)]

Who in this thread said "let kids be kids and also we should do nothing about it" though?

One person pointed out there is a difference between a child acting like a child and an adult acting like a child (probably because there is far more hope for the child growing out of their childish phase than the adult who had decades to do so and chose not to).

I'm confused how there is so much disagreement about this statement.

[(Anonymous)]

One person pointed out there is a difference between a child acting like a child and an adult acting like a child (probably because there is far more hope for the child growing out of their childish phase than the adult who had decades to do so and chose not to).


It's kind of irrelevant, though. Bullies need to be made to stop regardless of their age - the safety of their victims should always take priority, even if they're older than the bullies. Hopefully children will outgrow it, but some don't and never will, and frankly that doesn't matter in the present moment. They are doing real harm now, just like adult bullies do. We don't owe them coddling or softballs because they >might become better people in the future!

[(Anonymous)]

+billions

I've been involved in Internet fandom for nearly thirty years now. Back in the day, most fandoms had at least a few controlling assholes, but the behavior wasn't usually encouraged, nor was bullying seen as a good thing. Also, even they knew there were lines that they had better not cross or the community would come down on them hard. There was also a time when the dangerous kind of crazies (the stalkers, the doxxers, the death and rape threat makers) were generally stopped or at least given real reason to think about their behavior.

Now, bullying has become the norm, and there are a lot of people who think bullying is a good thing when it's directed at the "correct" person or people.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, that's a good point. The culture in a lot of fandoms now actively encourages that sort of behavior in younger fans, which increases the likelihood that they won't grow out of it when they become adults.

[(Anonymous)]

Can you point out where someone said "it's no big deal"? Kids being bullies is bad, kids were always bullies, and it has always been bad.

It seems however that the point was that adult bullies are different from child bullies, which has not much to do with whether the kids are worse or better than they used to be.

Then someone said "no (they aren't different, because) children are worse than children used to be" but why is that relevant? How did "adult bullies and child bullies are fundamentally different" become an argument about whether children are worse now? Are you saying that makes them the same as mature adults? Why would it?

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Personally, I disagree that there's THAT big a difference between teen and adult bullies. I suppose it's slightly more excusable when a kid does it (only slightly, mind you), but I don't think it's a fundamental one. The urge to bully comes from a dark and nasty place regardless of the age of the bully, and I don't think the impact on the victims is fundamentally all that different either.

[(Anonymous)]

As another anon said ITT - it doesn't matter at all if the bully is a child or an adult, not to the person getting bullied.

[(Anonymous)]

+1. I have nothing against decent people old or young. I find very few decent people in either age range.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not going to interrogate every asshole on the internet to see if they're young enough that their behaviour can be excused by their age. I don't give a shit if you're 14 or 44, and I'm sure as hell not going to waste my time looking it up.

Asshole behaviour is asshole behaviour. You're either old enough to know better, or young enough you shouldn't be there without adult supervision in the first place. Either way, same result.

[(Anonymous)]

+1000

[(Anonymous)]

+ infinity

I don't give a fuck what your excuse for that behavior is. I only care that you stop.

[(Anonymous)]

I mean, neither am I. No one is insisting that you look them up and treat them differently if they act like an asshole to you, which is what you seem to have inferred on your own.

But if you disagree there's a difference at all between being a child and being a childish adult and what that says about someone, I dunno what to say. Especially as you even acknowledge in your reply that "being old enough to know better" (your own responsibility) and "shouldn't be there without adult supervision" (mixed responsibility with someone else) are different things. So we aren't disagreeing, even? A confusing reply.

[(Anonymous)]

The point is that whatever difference may exist, it is 100% irrelevant to the asshole behaviour and should not be taken into account.

Again, I do not care if you're being an asshole because Mommy and Daddy shouldn't have let you on the internet, or if you're being an asshole because you're a 45-year-old incel dudebro crying because he can't get laid -- neither of those things matter to the people you're being an asshole to, and it is not their responsibility to take it into account, acknowledge, or deal with it in any way. The only thing that matters to the people you are being an asshole to is the fact that you are being an asshole.

[(Anonymous)]

This. To the person getting bullied, it's completely irrelevant whether the person bullying them is an adult or a teen. (If you get down to the legal stuff though, getting bullied by a minor is actually potentially worse because it's even harder to get them to face any legal consequences than when the perpetrator is an adult.)

[(Anonymous)]

If it's severe enough - like some cases where it's led to suicide or hospitalization because of suicide attempts, or someone losing a job because of libel - it might be possible to go after the parents for some liability. The minor is committing a crime, so sometimes the parents can be accountable for negligence.

[(Anonymous)]

+100

People (who are more forgiving than me, probably) can care about the bullies' immaturity or motivations or sad backstory AFTER the bullying has stopped for good, but only after. Not while it's going on.