Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2023-09-17 02:59 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2023-09-17 02:59 pm
[ SECRET POST #6099 ]
⌈ Secret Post #6099 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 30 secrets from Secret Submission Post #872.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: What are your controversial non-fandom opinions?
(Anonymous) 2023-09-18 02:53 pm (UTC)(link)See, this is what I mean. I get it when it's a joke between friends or irony like "haha! obviously that's not what makes me trans silly" but that's become the norm. And at this point I don't get internet trans discourse anymore because I feel that it's rooted in "hawaiian shirts are trans!" and silly arbitrary things generally. If disliking genders isn't part of it and not conforming isn't either, then what is?
What I hate about it is the amount of gender stereotypes it keeps alive and well even among the kids, not to mention, obviously, the harm it causes to confused kids who think they should get into hormonal therapy and then have to go through the hassle of de/transitioning because they "didn't feel (assigned gender)" yes, just like many of us not to say everyone to some degree. But instead of normalizing not feeling genders because it's a stupid concept society decided to normalize hormone therapy and assigning "genders" to random things. Wtf
Worse, as if that wouldn't worsen life for people born into less fortunate realities where being trans isn't a thing much less hormone injections, where one can only be whatever they're born into. Guess how I know that.
If the secret end goal is to end gender (it doesn't seem to be working to me.) then it's a good end goal but otherwise I really don't want *anything* to do with it. And it's not in me to throw individuals under the bus because as I said, a lot of people in my teen years friend group self-id as trans now which says a lot about how deeply inadequate I felt, too. But I had to learn how to deal with it internally and ironically before I knew it I was regarded as "very ladylike" as I learned to be more vocal about socially acceptable aspects and less vocal about the others. This gave me insight on the silliness of it all and power dynamics as well.
Did that make me better or worse than AFAB people who can't or don't want to perform "femininity"? Neither. We had the same issue (of not liking that bs) and dealt with it in different ways. But would it have been better if we all never had an issue to begin with because gender isn't a thing so nobody has to perform any silly roles? Absolutely. But apparently it's evil of me to think that (source: kids online).
Re: What are your controversial non-fandom opinions?
(Anonymous) 2023-09-18 07:55 pm (UTC)(link)I think your primary problem here is that you are overvaluing kid's words and "slang". Kids/Teens have a different vocabulary than adults and their words have a different weight than ours. For them "trans" or "non-binary" is different than a 30+ years old. Like every identity label. It's slightly or very much different.
Simply ignore them and try to have conversation on this with adults and preferably IRL.
You can't convey much nuance online and this discourse is very VERY complicated.
Also, your thoughts and feelings are valid and I understand where you come from, but don't make the mistake of trying to understand other people (you can't) or even worse project your feelings and identity to others (it doesn't serve a purpose and it sow misunderstanding).
Just do your thing. Live life as a cis(or nb, or trans) person and defy gender stereotypes or "end the concept of gender" your way, if that's your goal.
You don't need to be a part of a group or have a label to do what needs to be done.
Re: What are your controversial non-fandom opinions?
(Anonymous) 2023-09-18 10:37 pm (UTC)(link)Yeah, make more adults join my fandoms and then I'll talk to more adults lol. I'm just barely in the 30 age range, so I'm really speaking from a place where older people can be too clueless and young people can think too differently. Maybe you didn't get the part where I said I live in a sexist place so I can't expect to have these kinds of conversations with people my age IRL. Those people virtually don't exist and when they do we don't really talk for other reasons (like my ex-friends and I just don't talk to many people my age in general, it's often younger or older).
I'm not sure I would call trying to understand others to a normal degree a "mistake". Of course there are things we don't understand about ourselves even. But when it's something you expect others to be on board with you (say: kids who expect me to join their discourse) there has to be a certain degree of mutual understanding. Which I just fail to have in this case, and here I am venting and trying to explain why and trying to understand where others come from at least, if it's an age thing, an experience thing, or something else. If it's just a way for kids to bond, whatever, "do your thing" but again I think it's too serious a topic to be treated lightly. Because some people die or suffer or are bullied or harm their bodies because of it.
It's what I do actually. It's 100% what I do, because (again) I feel like it's a bit of a redundant topic and one I don't feel like partaking in. This is why I am sharing this here, anonymously, because I can't share it in my fandoms which are full of kids who id as trans (because that's what you get when you like anime with genderless characters and I suppose that is on me but sigh)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts though, because I really appreciate them. Maybe I really am "overvaluing" those kids' words and slang because again I think it's a serious topic, but they... don't, so it worries me quite a bit.
Re: What are your controversial non-fandom opinions?
(Anonymous) 2023-09-19 08:27 pm (UTC)(link)I'm sorry if I was dismissive of your feelings. I generally think that sometimes maintaining distance from certain topics is the best way to save my sanity. And that's why I told you to "just ignore the kids", basically. That was insensitive and I apologize.
I do get you on living in a sexist/transphobic/homophobic place.
I do, too, which is why it's more valuable for me reaching out to people in the LGBTQ+ community that live near me (hours by train, but still near) and know more or less where I come from than trying to reach out to kids or teens that live in the other part of the world (people in western fandoms are usually north american or follow USA cultural standards. i can't really relate to them and their problems).
I have no idea where you live so I'm sorry for assuming you had people to talk to IRL.
>>I'm not sure I would call trying to understand others to a normal degree a "mistake".
I get you, but I do still think it's a mistake. It's almost always a waste of time, especially in relationships that are not very close to you.
I personally try to understand people who are the closest to me, but at a certain point I leave it at that. I just accept the fact that I can't get people 100%, even people incredibly close to me. Friendly confrontation and acceptance is very important. Understanding? Not so much IMHO.
>>If it's just a way for kids to bond, whatever, "do your thing" but again I think it's too serious a topic to be treated lightly. Because some people die or suffer or are bullied or harm their bodies because of it.
BTW this is why I tell you to just "leave the kids alone". They are well meaning and beautiful souls, I'm sure, but I think some people just don't get the gravity of that stuff (not only kids, adults, too). And I think that's OK. It's an age and cultural thing I think. I don't relate to that and I can't understand that, but that's OK. That is THEIR thing.
I kind of remember all the bullshit I thought I knew when I was in middle school and I cringe. I'm so grateful that there was almost no internet back then and I didn't mingle with adults on fandom spaces and if I did, I pretended to be an adult and mind my business most of the time. Probably if I were a 15-18 years old now in 2023 my entire view of gender identity and LGBTQ+ issue would be ENTIRELY different than mine now. It wouldn't be as complicated as they are now, maybe.
(for context: I identify as a butch lesbian, use mainly masc pronouns with friends and family, fem pronouns with people that don't know me well. for some people this is "regressive" or "not right" but that's how i feel safe and at home in my identity)
Re: What are your controversial non-fandom opinions?
(Anonymous) 2023-09-19 06:13 am (UTC)(link)I feel like saying that only kids use this kind of terminology is misleading. I've seen Gen Xers and older Millennials use it on a regular basis.