[ SECRET POST #6120 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6120 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 41 secrets from Secret Submission Post #875.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

The secret (as written) is “Someone made a heartfelt gesture with good intentions that I didn’t appreciate and I harbor so much resentment about it that I’ve let it spoil that fandom to the point I don’t like the canon anymore.” That honestly sounds like an asshole to me.
But knowing that the REAL story is “Someone posted something wildly inappropriate during a dark time for me and even when confronted they didn’t acknowledge the additional hurt they caused me” makes the fandom rando the asshole, not OP.

So yeah, context matters here. Which was the entire point of the comment that kicked off this thread. It sucks that that happened to OP but not everyone in the secret thread really got that because OP left out all the most important information.

[(Anonymous)]

You did do this to someone. Here, I'll try to help you know why that was a bad move and you shouldn't do it again.

Everyone grieves in different ways. You don't get to try to make them do what works for you, such as telling them that they should smile and find happy things, which is what this absolutely was. They are allowed not only to grieve but to grieve in the way that is necessary for them. I have a friend who messaged me literally just this morning that her grandfather died. I did not send anything to try to cheer her up because this is not like a small inconvenience. This is a death. I validated her emotions and asked if there was anything I could do. I didn't fucking send someone dancing as if celebrating her relative's death.

Maybe the person did send it with good intentions, but your intentions mean jack shit when it harms someone. You can have all the good intentions you like, but the person who is harmed by your good intentions has no obligation to take your feelings into account. Their reaction is their reaction, and if you cared about the person then you would do what you could to ACTUALLY help THEM, not what you assume should be helpful for them. Getting butthurt that they didn't take your statement or gif or whatever the way you intended means that you care more about being seen as an empathetic person or a good friend rather than being one.

[(Anonymous)]

OP: Oh anon, send to your friends some condolences. It must be quite hard.

[(Anonymous)]

Will do, thank you!

[(Anonymous)]

I really don’t understand why you think I’ve done anything like this. It’s entirely possible for someone to recognize a clumsy good faith move without having done the thing themselves. But not for you, apparently. Try turning that projector off, pull your head out of your ass, and maybe little things wouldn’t be so harmful for you.

[(Anonymous)]

You're the one projecting all over the person in question. You assume they have both good intentions and even the desire to comfort. Enough that you apparently want to die on this hill. Like I said above, the only reason I can think of is that you have done this and so you see yourself in the person OP talks about.

I am saying that I don't care what the other person was thinking. Good intentions, bad intentions, the outcome is the same, and the results are the same. You're the one with your head in your ass about how OP is an asshole because they felt hurt by something that most people here recognize as genuinely hurtful. It's very strange that you can't seem to recognize that your intentions mean absolutely nothing. Almost like all you care about are intentions and not the end result, because all you want is to feel like you've done some good, but don't want to actually go through the effort of doing real good.

Unless you're trolling? Either way, you're being a dick.

[(Anonymous)]

Found it! You're the one with your head in your ass about how OP is an asshole because they felt hurt by something that most people here recognize as genuinely hurtful.

Work on your reading comprehension. I didn’t say that at all. What happened to OP was genuinely hurtful and the fandom rando IS an asshole. But so are you because you’ve chosen to pretend I called OP an asshole for how they were hurt by something hurtful.

Although I will say that when people you don’t know make a good faith clumsy effort, it’s on you how you deal with it. An emotionally mature adult recognizes the good intentions, even if it sometimes happens after the time of emotional distress. And it’s natural to want to distance yourself from that person but holding any feelings about it long term isn’t a normal thing.

[(Anonymous)]

SA

For clarity: what really happened was NOT a good faith clumsy move. It was a shitty thing to do and I can’t fathom how anyone would think it could be taken positively.

BUT what the secret relates and what OP has shared in the comments are two totally different scenarios. The one in the secret isn’t the other fan being an asshole. So I think you’ve somehow missed that many responses in the entire secret thread are about one or the other, depending on if someone saw OP’s comments or not.

[(Anonymous)]

How quickly you forget what you wrote:

"As it’s written, your secret makes you sound like an asshole. With the added context, the other person is an asshole and it’s shocking and awful that happened to you :("

As written, it still doesn't make OP sound like an asshole and your doubling down of trying to defending the person you then call an asshole is very telling.

[(Anonymous)]

What am I doubling down on? Telling of what?

The world isn’t going to cater to you. If someone in fandom does something you don’t like, it’s on you how you respond to that. What the person did is relevant in others judging the response if you’re going to say, submit a secret to a community about fandom secrets for judgement.

The anon was an asshole who did an asshole thing. But that wasn’t clear in the secret. In the secret, it looked like the anon was a well intentioned social misfit and OP’s lingering resentment made them look like an asshole. And, as I keep pointing out to you, that isn’t what happened at all. Again, not sure how you’re totally not understanding this.

[(Anonymous)]

So... you didn't say that OP was an asshole...

Found it! You're the one with your head in your ass about how OP is an asshole because they felt hurt by something that most people here recognize as genuinely hurtful.

Work on your reading comprehension. I didn’t say that at all. What happened to OP was genuinely hurtful and the fandom rando IS an asshole. But so are you because you’ve chosen to pretend I called OP an asshole for how they were hurt by something hurtful.

Except that you did...

In the secret, it looked like the anon was a well intentioned social misfit and OP’s lingering resentment made them look like an asshole.

Work on your communication skills. I've tried to hash this out with you, but you only choose to say what makes you seem right in the moment. Truth doesn't seem to matter to you, so I wash my hands of you.

[(Anonymous)]

You definitely need to brush up on your reading comprehension because that isn’t me calling OP an asshole. That’s part of me pointing out how context changed things. IF it happened as the secret states, then I would have thought OP was an asshole. And yet again, that isn’t how it happened and I don’t think OP is an asshole.

Which is something OP and I discussed before you jumped to the conclusion that I have done something like send a gif of a celebration in response to the news of a loved one’s death.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah how fucking date they try to connect with you through your shared interest instead of an empty platitude!

"As it’s written, your secret makes you sound like an asshole. With the added context, the other person is an asshole and it’s shocking and awful that happened to you :("

"In the secret, it looked like the anon was a well intentioned social misfit and OP’s lingering resentment made them look like an asshole."

YTA

[(Anonymous)]

Serious question: what do you imagine that I’m defending? Because I’m not defending what happened and I’ve made that very clear. So whatever it is must be in your imagination.

The secret was missing vital information. OP augmented the secret in the comments and at least three distinct anons have said that information changed their view.

I’m trying to understand your leap to “You did this!”

[(Anonymous)]

See above.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, so you’re trolling. Well played.

[(Anonymous)]

????

[(Anonymous)]

Yes... the person giving a well thought out and articulated way to handling a grieving person is trolling.... well deduced.

[(Anonymous)]

I think this was probably a misfire that was meant for me. I know last night there were at least two anons, you and someone else, who really seemed to think I’ve done something like this.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

I responded above, no idea who left the comment about trolling.