fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6184 ]

[ SECRET POST #6184 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6184 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, FFS, asexuality is about not experiencing sexual attraction. Libido is a completely different thing. There are aces who have high libido, just as there are allos who have low libido. Perhaps try educating yourself before going on rants.

I wish I understood this better. I guess it's hard for me to "get" someone with an active libido not being attracted to a beautiful (and other ideals...nice, funny, whatever) person who's attracted to them. I'm not asexual, but I'm extremely picky about the people I actually have sex with/desire.

Demisexuality makes some sense to me. It's just hard to comprehend never being sexually attracted to anyone ever.

DA

I read one person describing it like body maintenence or upkeep. So there's no real mental component but the body has all the programing and it still physically feels good.

NAYRT

That's what it feels like for me. Regularly, like clock work, the hormones cycle around and it's something else to take care of. Like it's time to get a wax or teeth cleaning, except it feels nicer.

To me that would be more like aromantic rather than asexual? I guess I don't really understand the terms. But I would think aromantic would be not interested in romance whereas asexual would be not interested in sex.

DA

Aces can absolutely be interested in sex. Sex can be decoupled not only from romance but from attraction as well.

Ah, okay. So then what term would you use for someone who was interested in sex but not romance/relationships?

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(Anonymous) - 2023-12-12 02:27 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2023-12-12 06:03 (UTC) - Expand

Aromantic isn't interested in romance. Asexual does not feel sexual attraction but can feel romantic feelings or want a romantic relationship.

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(Anonymous) - 2023-12-12 03:56 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2023-12-12 05:55 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2023-12-12 15:42 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2023-12-12 16:10 (UTC) - Expand

It's kinda like, sometimes I feel like getting off, but I've never looked at someone and been "I want them in specific to get me off". If that makes any sense. I don't actually know what sexual attraction feels like. Sex is just an activity I can do. With my partner or otherwise.

I feel more or less the same way. In my head, I compare it to food, like say ice cream or something. We live in a world where almost everyone *craves* ice cream to greater or lesser degrees, and simply cannot understand someone who doesn't function the same way. I think it's nice but never *crave* it, I can live happily without it but don't mind eating it. I just never look at an ice-cream place, see a flavour and think 'ooooh, I could just do with a scoop of that!'.

It's not an exact analogy of course!

Idk, back before I knew the term asexual, I used to describe looking at attractive people as like looking at caryatids (those support pillars shaped like people in ancient Greek temples.)

I'm no Pygmalion, and I like to look, but I wouldn't want to fuck a person any more than I'd want to fuck a statue of a hot person.

And my libido used to be way, way higher back in my teens and especially early 20s, where I'd be distractingly turned on and masturbate a lot. Now I'm middle aged and mostly my body is like "eh whatever."

But even at my horniest I just never actually wanted to have sex with anyone. And I wasn't raised religious or sexually abused or anything, my libido just wasn't aimed at anyone in particular, ever.

I don't see how sex with another person wouldn't feel incredibly gross in that case. Someone you're not attracted to doing all that stuff to you? Ugh!

Sexual attraction is separate from romantic and aesthetic attractions. Also sex feels nice on it's own. Why do you think prostitution has always been so popular?

But people usually pick prostitutes that they find hot in one way or another. I mean, that's why they dress the way they do: to look sexually attractive.

When given an option to choose, sure, they'll pick the one they find find most attractive. But when no option is given and/or they're in a hurry, they'll take whoever. The clothing is just an advertisment.

Okay this statement potentially says a lot about how you view sex and I'd say its not altogether healthy. Sex isn't something someone does to you, its with you. And just because you don't have attraction doesn't mean physical acts can't still feel good.

Oh, I've for sure had plenty of sex that's "with" someone. But if the attraction isn't there, it doesn't feel good at all.

And not everyone works like you. Just because you find something gross doesn't mean it is universally gross.

All you need to do is look at all the sex in prisons.

Have you ever had a massage?

Who should they educate themselves with, though? There's a lot of people out there who say that ace folks can feel sexual attraction; it's just different from sexual people in terms of frequency. Which of you is right?

Ace also includes the demi-ace label, which are people on the ace spectrum who feel attraction very rarely; usually after getting to know someone really well. They almost never just see a stranger in a crowd and feel sexually attracted. OTOH, it's a common allo trope that a man sees a woman he doesn't know in a bar and immediately falls in lust. Not a thing for the ace side of the spectrum.

The question to all of that then becomes: why?

Why stick "allo" onto "sexual," when "sexual" already means "experiences sexual attraction?"

Why say that "asexual," which uses a prefix meaning "not/without," and which is therefore usually understood to mean "without attraction," is a spectrum that also includes people who experience attraction? We don't say that "without light" denotes a spectrum including spaces with sparse light; we use it to mean "a complete absence of light."

Wouldn't it make more sense for "sexual" to be a spectrum that includes people with rare sexual attraction, with "asexual" being a non-spectrum describing people with no attraction at all?

I agree with this. There doesn't need to be another term that means "averagely sexual."

So, we have the Kinsey scale, yeah? A spectrum of sexual attraction, with completely heterosexual on one side and completely homosexual on the other. And people call fall anywhere in between on the spectrum. Just because they're a 5 on the scale doesn't mean they can't find people of a different gender attractive. Also, even though they're a 5 on the scale, it doesn't mean that they don't also experience life basically the same as a 6.

Allos and Aces are like that, too. On the one side we have Allos, who definitely feel sexual attraction, for a lot of people. And on the other we have Aces, who have never felt sexual attraction in their life. And a lot of people fall anywhere in between on the spectrum. Just because someone is a 5 on the Allo-Ace scale, it doesn't mean they haven't found one or two people attractive. Also, even though they're a 5 on the scale, it doesn't mean that they also don't experience life basically the same as an Ace.

Demis and people more toward the ace side - they also probably spent their formative years dating because that was the Thing You Did, not because they were actually attracted. They probably thought that "hot" was a euphemism for people who are aesthetically pleasing, and also didn't realize that some people literally get hot when seeing someone their attracted to. And until they do find someone (demi/semi so it happens rarely), then they can get a glimpse of what the other side of the spectrum is like. Just like a 5 on the Kinsey runs into a person of a different gender and they can experience a bit of what hetero life is like.