fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6461 ]

[ SECRET POST #6461 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6461 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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07. [WARNING for discussion of abuse/rape/etc]

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08. [WARNING for discussion of abuse/rape/gore/underage]

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There's also that not all underage/lolisho works involves adults. I'm majorly squicked by adult/child and things with very young kids, but I'm more understanding of content that are consensual exploration between two young characters, and I know people use the latter as a way to reflect on their nostalgia for their first relationships as teens.

I have a weird thing with this that i kinda feel self conscious about thinking about wondering if its fucked up. But due to developmental weirdness in being neurodivergent (plus due to the bullying i resented most of my hs peers) i never really got that teen experience.

But perhaps because of that , idk there's a part of my mind that idealizes this idea if being a sexual/hypersexual being as teen and being everything i wasn't able to in my teens because of developmental delay + Christian upbringing. Even though i know intellectually such behavior in a teen especially if directed towards those over 18 would likely be massively , MASSIVELY unhealthy and unsafe.

I just..i dont know why i like to fantasize about being this way myself in my mind when any other teen behaving in such a way irl would be super horrifying bc of implications.

I feel like a weirdo or a creep now and probably might sound like one too i'm sorry. I just wish i understood why such a thing appeals to me when i know its not...ideal irl.

DA also

I don't think you're weird or a creep for this. It's normal to be curious about things you never experienced. If it hurts no real people, you do you.

Thanks.
Its sorta like an absence of the whole guilt/fear complex of the shame around sexuality I had taken to excess

Honestly growing up with mental illness + unhealthy religious shame about the topic of sex in your adolescence is its own kinda trauma.

I was a girl in the community where they peddled that gross 'petal analogy re virginity and marriage to teenage girls. ("~You're like a flower and every time you have sex/sex like interaction its like a petal is being stripped away~")

da

I don't think that's creepy. It's okay to use fiction and fantasy to explore how things could have been different. Fwiw I had a teen experience more like the one you idealize, including some traumatic stuff, and I don't begrudge you for fantasizing about it, or find it offensive to have fantasies like that. It's natural to imagine different life situations and taboo situations now and again in a fantasy, you clearly know the difference between that and real life based on your comment worrying about how real life situations like that can be unhealthy. Idk, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Thanks. I guess its just my brain being like "grass is greener" but to the opposite extreme of what i had.

As a teen i was both super emotionally in immature and also neurotically religious OCD about stuff to the point I practically believed in going to hell for thoughtcrime. so. Idk. Maybe my brain is idealizing an extreme version of...an absence of that?

Like idealizing the excessive absence of that constant fear/guilt complex around sex?

ayrt

That makes sense, I mean in a lot of my fantasies I like to imagine I'm inexperienced or a teen again and "redoing" sexual awakening in a different way where I get to pick the story, sometimes as a sweet and romantic story, often as a dark cathartic story, because my real experience was not so good, so I get where you're coming from. It's totally normal to fantasize about the kind of thing you described. Thinking through fantasies where things were different can help you understand your feelings about what happened and be a safe way to let out feelings that you hid in the past.

yeah cuz like for me imagining/fantasizing about being openly sexual is a way to kinda.. work through my feelings about being so repressed back then. It almost feels like in fantasy I'm reclaiming my sexuality in a way while doing it in real life would be... kinda risky. yanno?

Fantasy is a good psychological tool sometimes in dealing with mental trauma and stuff. Which is why the whole anti mentality I see lately trying to attack and shame fantasizing is so threatening to me that I try to fight it even though sometimes their words fill me with doubt sometimes

AYRT, I get it. I'm not into smut of it, but I used to ship young characters together romantically because I yearned not being able to date or have crushes on my peers because I grew up queer during the Bush era. I will say being hypersexual as a teenager IRL was traumatizing and not as glamorous as fiction made it out, but I just don't consider teen+teen to be inherently super immoral or creepy to like.

I knooow its why i feel awful about thinking about it like that. Idk why.

When i was a teen I was very nonsexual aside from fiction and even then I had a whole guilt complex for even thinking about wanting it. Its so fked up but idk for me i guess its just a warped thing of imagining...not having that issue to an extreme..

Idk. Its a whole fucked up thing growing up religious and repressed I guess . I don't fkin know. Like i said I'm like super aware that for real young ppl its got horrifying implications

Then again its not uncommon for me to imagine myself in fantasy situations where actually otherwise horrifying things are happening so .*shrug*

I'm starting to wish I'd phrased it differently.

It's not awful to think about it like that! Fantasies are fantasies, and even outside of sexual ones specifically it's normal and I'd say healthy to imagine situations that aren't realistic. To daydream about the fantasy version of something. It doesn't necessarily mean you're not aware of the problems caused by the real-life version to enjoy the fantasy.

whew thanks .. I wasn't sure if I'd said something wrong and my brain went into hyper overthink mode hahah. It ...does that
personally on some level I feel like freedom to have these "problematic things" able to be enjoyed in fantasy is healthy as long as you understand the reality and trying to stifle them with shaming does more harm than good . Because people who would otherwise indulge in fantasy might end up seeking out something unsafe in real life if that makes sense???

So like as long as you know it's fantasy and the real life version of it is really REALLY.. uh NOT GOOD...

DA

If this counts for anything, I don't think there is anything wrong with what you're doing.

I had a similar upbringing to yours (undiagnosed nuerodivergency in a patriarchal conservative upbringing in an environment of contradictions of purity culture vs glamourizing sinful/YOLO culture), and I still have phases where I read/write fics about teens' exploration and navigation with their sex lives. I like idealized versions and I feel like it helps a repressed part of myself slowly come out and feel free to express itself.

I had friends who shared their experiences with me/I helped them through some stuff, so I knew what media depicted and what I like is not representative of IRL.

(Tangent) I also was a teen in the 90s-00s, there were loads of real life horror stories I read in teen/women's magazines. Never chatted up strangers in hopes of finding a romantic partner online because of all the stories I read!

Yeah honestly

When I was seventeen I used to write self insert noncon because it was the only way I could feel like I was fantasizing without being guilty. And like it's fucked up looking back that the community I was in was so shaming that I felt like the only way to fantasize guilt free was to imagine my self insert being raped.

But I don't think it's a moral statement about ME. But the environment I was IN. Which is a nuance that a lot of anti types don't seem to grasp. they'd rather just shame the person not consider that the fucked up element is that the person was made to feel that way in the first place.

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[ SECRET POST #6461 ]

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DA

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ayrt

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Ayrt

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AYRT