fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6881 ]

[ SECRET POST #6881 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6881 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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04. [WARNING for discussion of HP/JKR]

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05. [WARNING for discussion of HP/JKR]

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06. [WARNING for discussion of underage grooming/premature birth]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #982.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Dealing wiwh suicidal ideation. May give in to it.

Please don't. I'm so sorry. I really hope you find some hope. I'm sure you are an awesome person.

I fucked up my life and I can't unfuck it. I'm a grown woman whose family doesn't like her. I wish I could kill myself.

Sorry. I think we all suck sometimes. I've screwed up a lot. But you are still a good person and I'm sorry you aren't appreciated by the people in your life. I wish I could give you a hug. I wish you had someone there to tell you they cared.

But you have a job. You have family that are willing to help you. You have a significant other. You have Social Security (maybe) coming to you after a certain age. You have a safety net. You have friends. I have none of these things.

And I'm really sorry. the system sucks. Everyone deserves to have those basic things. You deserve them, and I'm sorry you do not have them. I really hope things get better for you and you find people who care about you.

Although, FYI, no, I don't have a "significant other." Been on like three dates my entire life.

Re: Weekend Plans?

(Anonymous) - 2025-11-08 03:20 (UTC) - Expand

I've been a loser for a very long time.

I just don't believe that. And I'm really sorry you feel that way. I feel that way about myself a lot of the time too. But it isn't true.

Re: Weekend Plans?

(Anonymous) - 2025-11-08 03:22 (UTC) - Expand

Thank you. I don't feel awesome. I'm a loser. Even my brother says so.

Well, I'm sure your brother is wrong.

Thank you for that.
He is the "golden child" and the only son.

Being a golden child doesn't mean they are better. It means your parents are shit. Family isn't always right and you can cut them out of your life. Don't feel obligated to love anyone that drags you down.

Re: Weekend Plans?

philstar22 - 2025-11-08 01:57 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Weekend Plans?

(Anonymous) - 2025-11-08 03:18 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Weekend Plans?

philstar22 - 2025-11-08 01:58 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Weekend Plans?

(Anonymous) - 2025-11-08 03:28 (UTC) - Expand

I'm sorry. Feel free to PM if you want to rant.

I'm not a member of Dreamwidth.

I'm also on Tumblr at the below.

https://www.tumblr.com/avengetheangels

What does your username mean?

I mean the username on here, not Tumblr.

Re: Weekend Plans?

kaijinscendre - 2025-11-08 00:57 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Weekend Plans?

(Anonymous) - 2025-11-08 01:37 (UTC) - Expand

I'm not on Tumblr either.

Re: Weekend Plans?

kaijinscendre - 2025-11-08 01:39 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Weekend Plans?

(Anonymous) - 2025-11-08 03:15 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Weekend Plans?

kaijinscendre - 2025-11-08 04:11 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Weekend Plans?

(Anonymous) - 2025-11-08 05:26 (UTC) - Expand

I wrote a whole long post about things I did to delay killing myself, but realized you probably don't need to hear about it.

I don't know if there's anything helpful to say, I just know it fucking sucks.

I don't mind hearing it.

Well, I found a lot of delaying tactics. I'd talked to or read accounts from people who tried to kill themselves and regretted it bitterly, so I wanted to be sure. Sometimes there were things I was kind of casually afraid of doing -- cutting my hair really short, wearing wild things in public, saying a few sensitive things to certain people -- that I convinced myself I should at least try before I died. Sometimes there were silly things I convinced myself to stick around for -- the next series of a TV show, one more annual fireworks display, etc. Sometimes I just got busy putting everything in order so no one would be inconvenienced when I was gone. I organized all my possessions, documented important things, tried to finish up all my obligations.

They all worked better or worse, depending on how much pain or despair or paralyzing depression I was in at the moment. I think they gave me something specific to focus on and a reason to put off actually dying. And in the meantime, therapy and meds and making some changes in my life ended up changing how I felt.

(I'm mixed on guilt as a strategy. These days, not killing myself because of what it would do to other people, even ones who might not like me much, is something I'm holding onto. But things are a lot better for me now. At the worst times, I couldn't make myself care or really believe that it would seriously emotionally affect anyone at all.)

I do hope you find ways of holding on. There are at least several people here who would want to hear how you're doing, if you feel like checking in every so often.

Thank you for that.
I'm feeling better today. It's very sunny outside.
Sometimes the loneliness hits hard and I crawl inside my gloomy head.
Right now I am hanging in there for Stranger Things's final season. I'm going to try and watch some stuff on TV soon to distract and clear my head.

I hope you don’t give in to it. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, I know firsthand how much it sucks. I don’t know you but FS is a very small, niche community. If you’ve found your way here, you’re among friends and we hope you keep showing up.

Thank you.

It used to be larger, there were more people submitting secrets and posting.

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