[ SECRET POST #6881 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6881 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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04. [WARNING for discussion of HP/JKR]




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05. [WARNING for discussion of HP/JKR]




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06. [WARNING for discussion of underage grooming/premature birth]






















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #982.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Weekend Plans?

[iff_and_xor]

I wrote a whole long post about things I did to delay killing myself, but realized you probably don't need to hear about it.

I don't know if there's anything helpful to say, I just know it fucking sucks.

Re: Weekend Plans?

[(Anonymous)]

I don't mind hearing it.

Re: Weekend Plans?

[iff_and_xor]

Well, I found a lot of delaying tactics. I'd talked to or read accounts from people who tried to kill themselves and regretted it bitterly, so I wanted to be sure. Sometimes there were things I was kind of casually afraid of doing -- cutting my hair really short, wearing wild things in public, saying a few sensitive things to certain people -- that I convinced myself I should at least try before I died. Sometimes there were silly things I convinced myself to stick around for -- the next series of a TV show, one more annual fireworks display, etc. Sometimes I just got busy putting everything in order so no one would be inconvenienced when I was gone. I organized all my possessions, documented important things, tried to finish up all my obligations.

They all worked better or worse, depending on how much pain or despair or paralyzing depression I was in at the moment. I think they gave me something specific to focus on and a reason to put off actually dying. And in the meantime, therapy and meds and making some changes in my life ended up changing how I felt.

(I'm mixed on guilt as a strategy. These days, not killing myself because of what it would do to other people, even ones who might not like me much, is something I'm holding onto. But things are a lot better for me now. At the worst times, I couldn't make myself care or really believe that it would seriously emotionally affect anyone at all.)

I do hope you find ways of holding on. There are at least several people here who would want to hear how you're doing, if you feel like checking in every so often.

Re: Weekend Plans?

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you for that.
I'm feeling better today. It's very sunny outside.
Sometimes the loneliness hits hard and I crawl inside my gloomy head.
Right now I am hanging in there for Stranger Things's final season. I'm going to try and watch some stuff on TV soon to distract and clear my head.