fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6965 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6965 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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06. [SPOILERS for Stranger Things season 5]

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07. [WARNING for discussion of rape]

[Jojo's Bizarre Adventure / JJBA part 4]

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08. [WARNING for discussion of racism, JKR]

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09. [WARNING for discussion of pedophilia, rape]

[Michael Jackson/ Jim steinman/ Tanz der vampire]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #994.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I have one!

How do you comfort a crying drunk? Or comfort someone in general? I know someone who has been having a hard time lately and any time they start drinking they pretty much ALWAYS start sobbing. I am bad at this. So bad, even on a good day.
Any advice would be appreciated. Any advice on how to comfort anyone in general would be appreciated. Just anything?

If they're an adult, put a box of tissues in front of them, make them a cup of tea, and go and do the washing-up while they get their feelings under control. It is not your job to be their counsellor, especially if, as seems likely from the awkwardness, they have not done the same as you.

If a child - no idea.

That's all I've got, sorry.

AYRT

Yeah, that's about what I got, but what you said is very helpful too. I basically just told them to stop thinking about things that made them upset when I heard them sniffling just earlier. Again, I'm terrible at comforting people... We do drink tea so that would be a good thing to offer.

They're an adult, but also someone who I both halfway raised, as they did their best for me too. We're sorta co-dependent, and I sorta lead them on this trail as well, so I feel responsible. We have each other, and I just hate how much I suck at this shit.

ayrt That's a lot to bear, anon. Can you access counselling at all? Even just a "listening ear" phone line can help a person feel less isolated. Unsolicited advice, I know.

{hugs, if wanted}

SA And maybe you could do with a cup of tea yourself.

Tea quotes: https://theteacupoflife.com/2020/07/tea-quotes.html

AYRT

You're very kind, thank you. I might check out one of those phone lines. And thank you for the tea quotes! They were a really nice read with my morning tea!

Certainlyyy they do appreciate you being there for them and as the other anon said it's not your job to be a counsellor. Counsellors well, counsel and therapists do therapy. As a fellow person all you can do is give them the affection and attention you feel for them so it seems to me like youre doing enough.

AYRT

I'll do my best to be there for them. You're right, that's the most I can do right now. Thank you!

What is up with the damn copy-paste lists of names on here? WTF is the point of those?

I think it's a bot/troll/something. I don't get it either. I haven't seen it for a while but I guess it's back. Maybe a troll who can't get people to engage is trying something different? I feel bad for case to have to delete them all the time.

What do you think about professional settings and insults/put-downs as jokes? Specifically am I being too sensitive?

Context: My supervisor has been with us for about 4 months now. Generally speaking, I like working with him, but he does this thing where he makes a comment like, "If the computers won't start up, we'll just blame it on [me/someone else in the conversation]."
And due to his demeanor - he's an affable guy and he follows it with, "Just teasing" - I get that he's joking around. Trying to build a little bit of familiarity.
But IDK if it's a me thing or if this is one of those things where it is presented as non-threatening but is actually a part of a toxic work environment.
I already feel like he and my manager pick favorites. They have their "In" group, and then the rest of the team are like "outsiders".

SA: Feel like I forgot to add, I am trying to be like, "Oh he's just teasing" but ultimately, it makes me uncomfortable. I don't participate in the "jokes", and I don't know if I should just let this go as a personal me thing or if I'm right to clock it as not OK in a professional setting.

I wouldn't be bothered by that type of joking but I also don't know you work culture. There could be other reasons to think this is more than silly "dad joke" type humor at work.

Do you think you could pinpoint why its bugging you? Like has this person done other things that have made you suspect or uncomfortable? Do you think in a different setting with a different person this type of humor would still not be fir you?

Could be toxic, hard to say. If you were always the subject of the "joke" (in quotes for a reason), I would lean closer to toxic and suggest paying attention. Might want to document his other behaviors and see if there is a pattern. If that's the only thing he does that's "weird" it might be harmless.

And if you can confirm the higher ups have their favorites, and everyone else is getting screwed over (for example, you can never get promoted or get pay raises no matter how much you advocate for yourself), might be time to look for another job. Which I realize is easier said than done in this job market.

Personally, that would bother me a lot.

[ SECRET POST #6965 ]

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