[ SECRET POST #1562 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1562 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

oh god stop using red text on jpegs

also, now affiliated with pkmnsecret! Check em out if you're interested. (:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 109 secrets from Secret Submission Post #223.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom.livejournal.com]

25. http://i.imgur.com/rmCLX.png

[(Anonymous)]

Wait what?

Isn't a lot of BDSM porn about the humiliation and degradation aspect for the sub? They can consent to the act without enjoying themselves for 100% of the act.

This is an instance when I think fic would best be served with being labeled "porn" or "issuefic" and then each reader could choose her own way and be happy.

[(Anonymous)]

hm, "a lot" is pretty subjective. bdsm in an umbrella term. some people just like the physical pain stuff (only in it for the whips and the pain) some people like to focus on the humiliation aspect and will safeword as soon as you get to pain past spanking. Some mix and match.

[(Anonymous)]

Personally, I'm into pain and bondage, but I hate humiliation rather a lot.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Same here.

[omorka.livejournal.com]

Me three.

[a-better-thing.livejournal.com]

But... but surely if you're into BDSM it's because you enjoy the pain/humiiation (if you're a sub) - I'm sorry if I've got it wrong, it's not one of my kinks, but I assumed that that was the point; you get sexual pleasure from the pain/humiliation/degradation - surely that's why it's a fetish?

It seems like your comment is saying that not enjoying sex is ok if you consent which to me implies a lot of problems. Apologies if my reading comprehension is fail, I'm quite tired.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Both pain and humiliation are very general concepts. There are different degrees of pain and humiliation, every sub has different likes and dislikes, different levels of pain tolerance (which can also strongly depend on the dom they're with and the scene) etc. So, yeah, being a sub, being into humiliation and/or pain doesn't mean that you enjoy all kinds of pain and humiliation. You can perfectly enjoy yourself, but then reach a point where the pain gets too much and turns from arousing into straightforward painful. And many BDSM fics use that theme: a BDSM fic starts out fun, but then the sub suddenly freaks out, is in too much pain, panics etc.

[miss_prince.livejournal.com]

You have a good point. Fandom can be kind of weird about Dom(me)s and what they get out of BDSM play.

[alliterations.livejournal.com]

I know very little about BDSM, since a good chunk of it doesn't fall under my kinks or what I typically write, but what I think you're addressing is the Seme/Uke stereotype issue, which is a problem not just in BDSM fics. And if that's what it is, I'd have to agree with you.

[no-one-specific.livejournal.com]

I don't understand what the secret is saying... :/

[dark-kaomi.livejournal.com]

That when the sub in a BDSM fic isn't enjoying themselves or is internally freaking out that that the author warns for it but if the dom is doing the same there is no warning. OP is basically saying they don't like reading BDSM fic where the dom (or possibly either the dom or sub) is enjoying the play and would like to be informed ahead of time so OP can skip it.

[silver-coins.livejournal.com]

Yes it's stupid, but not at all comparable. If someone's tied up and the dom ignores their safe-word and continues they literally can't escape. The dom can stop if they feel uncomfortable since they're the one in control. And I'm assuming that the sub isn't emotinally forcing the top to this shit, because most BDSM doesn't have the sub forcing anyone into anything.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think OP was saying that it's comparable IRL, but rather that it annoys them just as much to come across that in fanfic. It can be annoying when you think you read a consensual, porny, angst-free BDSM fic and then suddenly it's all guilt and angst.

Also, doms can crash pretty badly, too. Not so much physically - because as you said, they can stop the scene and nobody is going to physically hurt them for it - but emotionally. There can be emotional pressure of not stopping even though the dom feels uncomfortable (because they don't want to disappoint their sub, want to give the sub what they need etc.), and even if they get to the point of stopping it means that they probably got really, really uncomfortable before that. Which is maybe not exactly what you'd want to read if you just want porn.

That being said, it's generally a pity how few fics explore doms having issues and freaking out in the middle of scenes. In a realistic way.

[tameable.livejournal.com]

I don't know, I think the feeling guilty part can be done interestingly enough and god knows people do feel guilty about their kinks (hello, fandom secrets). I've also noticed that a lot of people feel guilty for liking BDSM because outsiders will typically label them as either "domineering" or "doormat." And if they're not a switch and/or into the things their partner is, I can see either partner having a little bit of trouble understanding what kind of mindset their partner is in while playing, and guilt can come into play there.

As for the other part of the secret, I can see it again, being another interesting plot point, though not one I particularly enjoy (the forced part is the one I have a real problem with, because that sounds like abuse rather than BDSM, while the not enjoying it could show how the person is doing it for the enjoyment of the other, among other things, but together that's a terrible mix.) But if it's only applied to subs, that's kinda annoying.

[akai_senshi.livejournal.com]

This makes very little sense. BDSM is basically set up for the sub's pleasure. The Dom/me has to agree to the limits. (Well, in scenarios where mindfuck isn't a factor...)

Plus there's also this implication that anyone who likes to be tied up/gagged/hurt/dominated/etc. deserves pity. NOT FUN.

[(Anonymous)]

-BDSM is basically set up for the sub's pleasure.-

You are wrong.

[(Anonymous)]

That is a really nice picture. Do you have the source?

[countess-k.livejournal.com]

Great point. Let me add to it that it's also really stupid if you do the opposite, i.e. lay down a two dozen warnings about how your fic is non-con and rape and 'OMG BE VERY AFRAID!," only to write something that ends up with the bottom screaming "Please, f* me!!!!11" That's consensual people, or worse, implying that a rape victim can magically turn a page and suddenly love what's being done to them. Ugh!

[topwithens.livejournal.com]

But if someone does want to write a situation that starts out as rape and then becomes consensual (ignoring whatever that might imply about rape victims), it should still get a non-con warning... so I don't think that's stupid.

[(Anonymous)]

This might sound really weird, but do you have links to this fics that annoy you?

[(Anonymous)]

*these, I cannot type today.

[citrinesunset.livejournal.com]

I think some people who aren't doms/tops/sadists themselves might have a hard time understanding how someone can be those things, and maybe be "harsh" with their partners, while still caring for them or being a kind person. Because it can feel contradictory.

But I agree. I don't mind angsty sex stories, but it's nice to know what you're getting into, and I don't like the subtle implication sometimes that a good person wouldn't really want to do those things to their partner.

[(Anonymous)]

thank you are you right

Wow

[(Anonymous)]

I agree with the OP, BDSM fic shouldn't auto lead into angst and regret. BDSM and M/s can be and is a healthy lifestyle that provides for both a Dom(me) and their submissive. So yes you can have a submissive that likes cleaning without them feeling used. Or you can have the Dom(me) liking a scene, but change their mind half way through, because they don't like where the play is headed or a moral issue has arisen without feeling they have let the submissive down, because they have studied themselves and their submissive enough to make the best choice and the submissive's job is to respect that decision.

BDSM play doesn't have to equal sex, a scene can and usually is separate in RL. The M/s or TPE aka Total Power Exchange doesn't have to include BDSM, these are different things, but usually get lumped together (its fine, I do put them together.

I don't know if there should be a warning but if the author could mention that either party is going to have issues just mention it like "BDSM or TPE with conflicting out come".

I am a submissive. Also if you are looking for more info read Erotic Surrender: The Sensual Joys of Female Submission by Claudia Varrin.