[ SECRET POST #1583 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1583 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 83 secrets from Secret Submission Post #226.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 2 3 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 3 - too big ], [ 0 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 0 - omgiknowthem ], [ 0 - take it to comments ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Hate to break it to you but you didn't grow up. You just changed.

Demeaning fandom like that, like it's something only children do until they become adults, is incredibly disrespectful to the adults who are in committed relationships, work real jobs, and also splurge a few hours a week on fannish pursuits.

[(Anonymous)]

Not the OP but someone who really, really relates to what she's going through. Outgrowing something doesn't demean it. I used to spend a LOT of time on fannish pursuits, way more than a few hours a week. And I'm outgrowing it now. After almost two decades, I'm finally outgrowing it. It's a bittersweet, kind of sad experience but at the same time it leaves me much more hopeful about where my future is going.

You're also talking to someone who has been to war and is coming back now and finding herself a different person. Claiming that she feels that her experiences changed her and aged her is somehow "demeaning" fandom folk? How much more immature can you get? You're kind of proving the OP's point, right there.

OP, it's both a blessing and a cruse to outgrow fandom. You've got my sympathies because it's never easy to lose something that was once a source of comfort and amusement. It might be that you leave fandom entirely, it might be that you just engage with it in a different way. Either way, I wish you the best.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

How would you feel if someone said, "I've finally outgrown my astronomy hobby"? Or "It makes me much more hopeful about where my future is going that I've finally outgrown my phase of volunteering in charitable associations"?

[(Anonymous)]

As someone who used to be really not astronomy as a kid but who doesn't have much passion for it anymore, someone outgrowing an astronomy habit wouldn't bother me at all. And charitable associations? Come on. Fandom is a lot of fun for a lot of people and sometimes it's used for fundraising for disaster relief, but the vast majority of fandom has nothing to do with that. You can't compare the two.

[(Anonymous)]

You keep missing the point, so I'll just keep it simple:

The word "outgrow" by definition means that one can become 'bigger' in some way than the thing one outgrows. You outgrow trousers when you become too tall or too thick to get into them. You outgrow a bed when you become too long or too heavy to sleep in it. So now tell me: in what specific way(s) do you feel one can become 'too big' for fandom?

[(Anonymous)]

protip: While growing up can sometimes be seen as outgrowing things, they are not perfect synonyms. Phrases have many layers and many uses, and picking the one that you find insulting just for the sake of being insulted makes you appear to need a little growing up yourself.

[(Anonymous)]

OP said "I grew up" (not "I changed"), and directly related this growing up to their disinterest in fandom. What do you think they meant by that?

[(Anonymous)]

Uh, I think I meant 'I gained more responsibility in both my personal and professional life and now, possibly related, I no longer have as strong an interest in fandom and that makes me sad'. Another protip: your interpretation is wrong kthxbye.

[(Anonymous)]

You're still making a relation between being a 'grown', 'responsible' adult and losing interest in fandom - which might very well be true in your case, but if you don't make it clear that you don't think it has to be the same for everyone else, then don't be surprised if people assume that you're one of the many out there who automatically equate being in fandom with being immature and irresponsible. If it quacks like a duck, you know?

Also: don't keep using "protip" when you're not actually a professional in the domain you're pretending to school other people on. It only makes you look condescending.

[(Anonymous)]

Way to take one tiny phrase from the secret, take it completely out of context, and blow it out of proportion so that you can get in your daily dose of righteous indignation.

[(Anonymous)]

This. Thank you.

[(Anonymous)]

No, Anon, I did not 'just change'.

Before I left, I was living the life of a kid. A child. I was living as a spoiled college fratboy, living in base housing and getting smashhammered on the weekends and paying my phone bill and deluding myself that I was a fer realzies grown-up now that I wasn't living with mom and dad. I'd never been in a real relationship. I'd never had real responsibilities. I was twenty-three and the most important decision I had to make on a given night was if I wanted to draw or write and how much rum I'd consume while doing so.

When I say I grew up over there, I mean it in pretty much every sense of the phrase. I finally understood that I didn't know a damn thing about being in love. I became a vital component of my division. I helped complete mission after mission. I learned what a black sense of humor the world has, and how beautiful things can happen in ugly places. I GREW UP.

And somewhere in there, I also grew away. The life I lived before does not hold nearly as much appeal now. My experiences have pushed me beyond the person I was before. I've moved on to something else.

So please, for the love of Christ, untwist thy panties from their current pretzel-like configuration and grow a little pride. Not every common phrase is a veiled insult to your lifestyle and thus does not require you to defend yourself.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

On the one hand, I agree that the previous anon was totally out of line in denying your experience and the growing up it pushed you through.

On the other hand... There IS a strong and pervasive stereotype that ONLY kids like pre-army!you - or people with the same assumed level of maturity - can be involved in fandom. Some of us have heard this said a bit too often, along with the derisive conclusion that we too will drop fandom when we finally properly grow up. So when someone says "I lived through very serious things, so I grew up, and now fandom doesn't interest me anymore", what we hear once again is "mature people don't do fandom". That may not be what you meant to say, but it still sounded awfully close to it.

Quite frankly, I don't see what the point was in mentioning your growing up at all. If you'd just said, "the army changed me and now I can't seem to go back to the ways I used to enjoy fandom", I don't think anyone would have had a problem with that. It's just life, really.

[(Anonymous)]

OP is well aware of the stereotypes surrounding fandom. OP mentions growing up, because I DID. And along with that, or because of it, or something, my life perspective has shifted. And fandom has dropped down the ladder to a rung beneath all of the things that caused the growing up in the first place. I don't think I'm 'too mature' fandom, nor do I think it's something for kids. I think that I grew up, and realized that fandom is not for me anymore. Tastes change, perspective changes, and that's all part of growing up, too.

If it makes the more butthurt anons feel better, playing with LEGOS is still the most amazing thing, ever.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, happened to me as well with a couple of passions I used to have. I just lost the love, somehow. Luckily, I have a personality that makes it easy for me to just slip away quietly and leave previous groups of interest-related friends behind without them almost noticing. I understand that it might be much more difficult for other people and even make them sad. Though I have to say: that's the usual way of fandom anyway. People come and go, all the time. So don't feel bad for changing your participation, or even for not participating any longer at all: it's the natural way of fandom life.