[ SECRET POST #1615 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1615 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 08 pages, 185 secrets from Secret Submission Post #231.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeats ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Let's continue to shame people for making emotional comparisons to fictional events in their own fucking mind. That ought to achieve justice. Somehow. For someone.

[sarcasmking.livejournal.com]

Because the comparison is completely ignorant of any relevant context.

[sarcasmking.livejournal.com]

No. The only way they could have felt that is if they were bullied for being who they were and then sexually assaulted by that person.

What they felt is something that they are projecting onto an - based on the information supplied - irrelevant situation.

[sarcasmking.livejournal.com]

On occasion I have indulged in arrogance, yes.

I never said I knew what they felt. But that they couldn't feel what Kurt felt in that moment because that wasn't what happened, according to the OP. They weren't sexually assaulted, they weren't bullied and intimidated by this person for being gay - as far as we know. That wasn't the situation they were in.

The fact is - the fact based on the information that the OP provided - is that someone told them they loved them. That is not sexual assault. The situations are not comparable. Period.

[time-ambassador.livejournal.com]

"On occasion I have indulged in arrogance, yes."

Drive-by love for that phrase. I might have to borrow it someday.

[(Anonymous)]

Op has a right to feel any way they want yes, but that doesn't mean that what they feel is entirely the truth to reality or that they aren't exaggerating the situation.

Equally, I have the right to be offended when a comparison is made about sexual assault to something that is not sexual assault. It's offensive, period.

And OP should be called on this, because maybe OP will learn to not over dramatize a situation. Or maybe the situation really does suck, but OP will learn to explain themselves better.

We learn from experience and that may not change our feelings now, but it could change our feelings in the future. Human beings are not completely devoid of logic, even when emotional. I wouldn't scratch my knee and tell people it felt like I was just murdered.

None of this means I don't feel sorry for the OP if they are going through a rough time, it just means what they said in their secret could have been put more delicately.

[(Anonymous)]

Long and slightly silly example due to use of silly movie:

Recently a friend started blanking me, completely out of the blue. I have no idea why. We haven't had a fight, I haven't been talking about him behind his back, nothing. He just leaves if I appear when he's with a group of friends we have in common. I couldn't help but make the comparison to Will and Robin Hood in Prince of Thieves. ("have I wronged you in another life? What is it that make you hate me so?") Does that mean I feel everything the characters felt, that I've experienced the same thing they have? Of course not. A fragment of that scene registered with me, and that connected it to the situation I was in. Is that wrong? If so why? And why is it wrong for the OP to do the same? We don't know the whole story.

[sarcasmking.livejournal.com]

I feel like I'm one of those dolls where you pull the string and I say one of a few random stock phrases:

[Homophobic] sexual assault is not comparable to someone telling you they love you and you not feeling the same way. I have no problem with someone comparing their situation with an apt comparison; in this case, with the information provided, they are not comparable at all.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I'm not really sure why people are having so much difficulty understanding you, particularly since, as far I'm concerned, it's actually rather offensive to compare anything that's emotionally hurtful or uncomfortable to assault.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes. They are comparable. They are not the same thing, but you can compare them.

[xenafox.livejournal.com]

No. The only way they could have felt that is if they were bullied for being who they were and then sexually assaulted by that person.

That's not just arrogance, it's some pretty rich stupidity.

[(Anonymous)]

It very well might. That kind of "confession" can be an act of aggression too. After all, she/he's put on the defensive. "She/he loves you, how can you be so uncaring not to love them back!" It makes the person who's told the bad guy for not feeling the same way.

[sarcasmking.livejournal.com]

The fact is - the moment that they're comparing their situation to is sexual assault by someone who has literally assaulted him for being who he is. Being put in a situation of having to be the bad guy because someone confesses their feelings, unless there is more to it than the OP is telling us, is not. And is - at its base - not comparable.

[joshua-glass.livejournal.com]

So the OP is allowed to compare sexual assault to a confession of feelings (that as far as they've told us, was not forceful or intrusive), and I'm not allowed to think that's wrong? Alright then.

I'm not intending to shame them for not wanting the confession, but considering people jump down throats for using the term rape for anything other than sexual assault (despite it's alternative if outdated meanings), actually comparing something to sexual assault that is nothing like sexual assault doesn't seem all that right to me.

[(Anonymous)]

it can be intrusive. They thought they were a friend and now all of that is thrown away because the other person decides that wasn't enough for them? And now the person is left potenially being the buy guy in their social circle because she/he doesn't return the other's feelings.

I can see where the OP is coming from. Unrequited love sucks for -both- parties.

[joshua-glass.livejournal.com]

I can understand unrequited love sucking for both parties, it's not an easy thing to deal with for either side, but I still feel the comparison is at best, an over-exaggeration.

The world doesn't end because you don't return someone's feelings or they don't return yours. Sure, it hurts when that person says, "No sorry, you're *insert reason why I can't like you back here*." It's natural to be let down.

I'm just not seeing how comparing it to forceful sexual assault is remotely okay. Someone saying, "Sorry, no I can't date you" to me, doesn't seem to be anywhere on par with, "Let me grab you and touch you intrusively in places I shouldn't without explicit permission."

If liking someone is considered intrusive to you, then no one would ever be able to like someone else ever, for fear of intruding upon that person's feelings.

I understand that the OP was probably put in an awkward situation, and you're right, they might be seen as the 'bad guy' in the situation for not returning feelings, even if it's unfair for them to be thought of as such. I just don't understand how they could compare it to assault.

[(Anonymous)]

I have to step in, because I find this conversation very presumptive. If the logic of "people feel what they feel, logical or otherwise" won't convince you guys, then how about this example: for some psychological reason or another, Person A (let's call him/her Alex, nice unisex name there) has severe panic attacks when/if told that somebody is attracted to them. And no matter how close they were to Person B (let's call him/her Bailey), Alex will never, ever feel remotely comfortable around Bailey again if Bailey is revealed to have feelings for Alex. Despite there being no assault or anything forceful involved in the situation, Alex has psychological issues that make it so that even a confession of attraction is enough to make them extremely upset and permanently ruin their friendship with Bailey.

So while Bailey's feelings for Alex are not akin to assault, they are to Alex as upsetting as assault would be to a normal person without those issues. Therefore, Alex feels that way, perhaps not with solid reason, but it is how s/he feels, and s/he is not in any way being ignorant or melodramatic.

Especially if Alex posts it as a secret in a place specifically designed for the safe posting of things that may get people condemned or mocked if attached to a username.

[sarcasmking.livejournal.com]

I have to step in

You really don't. Just to be a tad pedantic.

because I find this conversation very presumptive

The irony of you following this up with a story unrelated to anything that has to do with the OS is just wonderful. And is much more presumptive than anything that I - or joshua_glass - ever presumed. Can only go from what the secret says, and that's all I've - we've? - gone off. And make it sexual assault.

If the logic of "people feel what they feel, logical or otherwise"

It's not a logical argument, though. Yelling "BUT THAT'S HOW THEY FEEEEEL" justifies nothing, and is not a defence. Saying that someone told you that they loved you and you don't feel the same was is not sexual assault. Oh, sure, you can feel like it is sexual assault, but it doesn't make it true. Because that situation is not sexual assault. But you should be prepared for people to tell you that it is not the same thing. Because it's not.

I'm not going to touch your hypothetical. Because it is really too far out of the realm this secret has let on. I still disagree that it is in any way comparable to sexual assault. Because it's not. It's completely different, the context is completely different, and so is the emotion and response.

specifically designed for the safe posting of things that may get people condemned or mocked if attached to a username

I'm not condemning her situation; I'm condemning her ignorant comparison of her petty situation - by the facts given in the OS - to sexual assault.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh don't get me wrong -- I intended this post in response to the entire thread, but since there was no simple way to attach it to the entire thread when there are so many subthreads, I just stuck it onto one arbitrarily.

And no, I may not have had anyone with a gun to my head forcing me to step in, but I felt I had to put forth a situation that would explain the likening, in order to a) put it out there to be seen and b) fill my "one vague attempt to sway people from raging assholishness per day" quota. And since we have so little information, my post is not irrelevant, but a possible explanation. When a realistic hypothetical is conceivable for the "other" side of an issue, it can and should be aired.

I would say more, but I doubt you care what I say so long as you can use it to inflate your ignorant ego, so that's all I'll say unless somebody decides to be rational around here.

[sarcasmking.livejournal.com]

raging assholishness
inflate your ignorant ego

Well, good. As long as we're both having a civil, rational argument here.

[sarcasmking.livejournal.com]

Inorite? I mean, knowing someone is in love with you and you don't reciprocate those feelings is totally like your life being made a literal hell of bullying and intimidation for being who you are and then being sexually assaulted by the person who made your life that hell.