fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1625 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1625 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Sorry it's late. Half of tinypic being down = I have to go through manually and replace the ones that aren't working. Hopefully it'll be back by tomorrow

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 110 secrets from Secret Submission Post #232.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 0 - omgiknowthem ], [ 0 - take it to comments ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I highly doubt that happened. I get an intense feeling of bias in this secret.

I honestly fail to see why they would hold such an intense grudge against someone who was such an utter dicksneeze and then just make a bunch of bullshit like that up.

I wouldn't doubt the situation was not as clean-cut as OP describes, but just saying "I don't actually believe a huge chunk of this secret happened" is kind of, um.

I'm kind of worried you think it's okay to hold onto a grudge so intensely after several years. I went through an extremely similar situation. Once I hit college, it didn't matter anymore.

Almost suspended isn't suspended. The stuff they list in this secret doesn't sound that worth the grudge to me. And the way they phrase the secret to inspire the transphobic comments? I sense an ulterior motive here for why they feel the way they do.

Hmm, the grudge might be problematic. But from what I understand they met said person again recently, there was at least some conversation, and a half-assed excuse of "I was just acting out" that triggered this secret.

I get we're probably not hearing everything, but it sounds like some upsetting stuff went down. Now, I had some pretty upsetting stuff happen in high school, too (of a completely different nature, but still). While I'm mostly over that, but it's still there , you know.

And even though it's been over a decade, if one of the "players" involved would come into my life again, give me a half-assed excuse and then made it about their problems...yeah, I think I'd be pretty pissed off, too.

Maybe. But the fact that that half assed excuse may in fact be very valid doesn't make me look on the OP any kinder. If my friend who had done almost the exact same thing to me said the same, I don't think it would be that rage inducing. As I said, 'almost suspended is not suspended.' If that's the worst that happened, and it's been several years, if it's true, I worry more about OP than their friend. That's unhealthy.

Ehm, sorry, it's not "valid" even if said BNF had genuine issues. There are plenty of people who go through terrible things & do not take it out on someone else. Of course, we're only getting part of the story (and an abbreviated version at that), but I'm guessing the damage between these two is unmendable. In which case, staying the hell away from each other is probably best.

Do you always let your friends walk over you like that?

People need to stop being so dismissive of things that have happened to others - high school stuff or otherwise - by saying, "That was so long ago, you should just get over it." There's nothing wrong with being upset by something that happened to you, and you shouldn't be expected to just get over it because it happened when you were younger. Yes, there's a problem if it dominates your whole life, but saying the person should just get over it already after a certain amount of time legitimizes whatever wrong thing was done to them.

But the fact that that half assed excuse may in fact be very valid

Um. No. That gives them no right to have been a bully to this person. Everyone deals with tough times, some more than others but that gives them/us no right to take it out on someone else.

You're saying you wouldn't even be a little bit angry? Wow. I mean, it's clear that the OP isn't actually going to do anything about this beyond making this secret, so at least they seem slightly more human just for having the need to vent.

Just because it doesn't seem worth it to you does not mean that is how it is for everyone. I am in college and I am still dealing with the trauma of the bullying and ostracism I went through when I was eleven-to-fifteen. It's not a conscious process, it's not a grudge; I barely remember what happened. But I cannot make friends with anyone and every now and again I get triggered by innocent things.

I wasn't even bullied that severely. My life was never in any danger. Most of the people doing it just thought it was fun.

So someone having a reasonably long-term poisonous friendship with another person? Just because you could shrug that off doesn't mean it couldn't eat away at someone else's soul.

This. I find it interesting that this entire thread has derailed into a SJ marathon and being so defensive of trans issues that no one seems to even wonder if they're starting to victim blame or not.

The two issues are separate, yeah, but half the comments here are still pretty darn harsh just because of a misused pronoun for some bullying jerk they knew in school. Not really an excuse, but everyone seems quick to assume that there's no way this person was too hurt by this poor confused girl's behavior.

Hey. I just wanted to step in and say you aren't alone. Your situation more or less mirrors mine.

I really wish all these people flipping out over the pronoun and ignoring how awful this person was would get some perspective.

So, do you believe the person OP is talking about then? And do you only believe them because of what's going on in their life now?

And if that is the case: is that really fair? Transitioning or not, no one has the right to do that to another human being.

[ SECRET POST #1625 ]

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