[ SECRET POST #1630 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1630 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 08 pages, 187 secrets from Secret Submission Post #233.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 1 - take it to comments/wank elsewhere ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom.livejournal.com]

38. http://i51.tinypic.com/1z171h4.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

you jelly?

[thewondersmith.livejournal.com]

Dude, if you're really worried about your friend, tell her. JFC.

[(Anonymous)]

OP probably has but there's only so much you can do when someone thinks they're in love. JFC.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, because the OP sounds SUPER concerned what with her being mostly pissed off that this girl ruined~ her~ kink~.

[thewondersmith.livejournal.com]

Wait- yeah, no, I totally missed the part where she said she warned her. My bad. I was distracted that the OP seemed to only really care about being made to feel awkward about her kink.

[(Anonymous)]

Hmmmm... yeah, you are.

[la-petite-singe.livejournal.com]

Her one relationship ruins ALL of them? I eman, those are all quite different dynamics, y'know? Maybe focus on that. (...Good Lord, I think I ship all four of those. Possibly because I've, er, been there myself.)

[rosehiptea.livejournal.com]

I hate to ask this in the context of this secret... but I don't recognize any of these and I'm always on the lookout for new May/Dec. So... who are they?

(I recognize Bruce Willis but that's it. Heh.)

[replicantangel.livejournal.com]

Why are you letting your friend ruin your kink? I'm only familiar with half of those four fandoms, but they're fairly healthy relationships, although not sexual in the canon at all - which means they could possibly serve as the basis for healthy sexual relationships in fic. You clearly believe your friend's relationship is completely different.

That said, you should talk to your friend. I don't want to assume anything, but depending on ages and your country etc etc there is potential for major trouble down the road.

[(Anonymous)]

If you really believe she's being used, voice your concerns to her.

For what it's worth, though, there need not be an age gap for one person to have an ulterior motive when he or she dates another person, and to automatically assume the worst of the December's intentions is frankly unfair.

[(Anonymous)]

Nancy/Haritgan! The Professional! ♥

[kallanda-lee.livejournal.com]

Look, unless said girl is a minor and is being abused, there really isn't much you can do.Even if you're right and it's huge mistake, it's a lesson she'll have to learn for herself. trying to split up people in love usually has the opposite effect.

[judo-creature.livejournal.com]

"She's the jailbait."

[(Anonymous)]

So your concerns are legitimate; I know from experience. There's usually such a power imbalance between the two--especially if one is "jailbait," not like a 25 year old dating a 50 year old because at that point ostensibly everyone is an adult making their own choices. It's usually not an awesome idea. (Note I am not saying always.)

But really all you can do as a friend is voice your concerns (politely! tactfully! only if it is actually any of your business!) and then move on, and not think about her when you read fic or whatever about your favorite parings. It's not her and her older bf/gf that you love; it's those characters. And unless you're into it, you're not reading about those characters in a one-sided exploitative relationship.

I bet you in six months you either won't care and/or she'll be broken up. If you're jealous, find your own. :) It's about 1/100 hard as you would think.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks. It ~is~ that she is so Barely Legal and he is so ~not~ plus the way she talks about it. She's in over her head and can't see it.

I will try to separate. I did like some exploitative undertones to my pairings and now it feels strange is all. Close and real.

[omens.livejournal.com]

yeah. love it in fic, reeeeeal uncomfortable with it in real life.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, yes you are.

First off, you're making huge assumptions about your friend's relationship, and basically looking down your nose at her because you assume she can't tell the difference between fiction and reality. She probably likes the guy for a whole variety of reasons, and just finds the fact that it's May-December a cute/hot bonus. Besides, you're also assuming that the relationship is going to end horribly based simply on age difference (if there're other bad signs, then that makes sense); fyi, I was in a May December relationship that began when I was two years underage, and it was a long-distance one to boot: a few years later, we're married and still as happy as ever. Just because of the age difference, it doesn't automatically make the relationship an unhealthy one.

Secondly, resenting someone because their genuine IRL trauma will put you off one of your kinks? That's not just selfish, that's fucked up. Just take this girl off your FList, because you clearly don't care about her that much if your taste in pairings is really more important than her psychological wellbeing.

[(Anonymous)]

You're making assumptions about how much I do know about the relationship and her. No mistake I'm a jerk in ways about this situation but thre is more that would come too close to revealing her if I went into detail. There are bad signs. She is barely 18 and doing things that are legal but I worry too much too soon for her, based on knowing her a while, but are probably mundane to him.

fuck me for owning up to the kind of stupid ~not the main point~ selfish feeling most people have sometimes as an aside.

[(Anonymous)]

If you can recognize that RL =/= fiction, then why would this ruin your enjoyment of this trope? There are dysfunctional RL relationships of all different sorts out there. Are you going to let them ruin all of your favorite shipping tropes?

[childings.livejournal.com]

Well, now I know what it was like to be my best friend in high school.

[omorka.livejournal.com]

Only one of those strikes me as a real May/December pairing. May/August, maybe, or June/October. (Yeah, I'm being nitpicky, but if there isn't grey hair involved it isn't a real May/December for me.)

Anyway, I've been in a long-term relationship with a seven-year age difference (I'm the older one) and it was kind of a train wreck at the start but it's ended up being a really good thing for both of us. He was over 21 when we started, though. If your friend is emotionally mature and her partner has good intentions (and is also emotionally mature; I know too many 50-year-olds with the emotional maturity of high school juniors), it can work out.

And it's unlikely that you'll be able to change her mind. The guy I just mentioned above was previously in a relationship with a woman older than me, who started out sincere but ended up ruining his credit rating and jerking him around emotionally. I saw it coming when she started isolating him from his friends, and tried to get him to step back; I ended up being the one she refused to let him see (he went along with it because he loved her), and the one who caught him when he finally jumped out of that particular flaming wreck of a relationship. Sometimes that's all you can do.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree that age != maturity. Some of the most immature people I've met have been women in their 40s. And I've met some really mature 20-somethings. It depends on how someone grew up.

It also depends on where the age gap occurs. I would say that a relationship where one person is in their late-teens and the other past their 30s are less likely to work out than someone in their 30s with a person in their 50s. Only because it's more probable that someone in their 30s and 50s will have had more similar life experiences than someone in their late-teens and 30s.

I was in a long-term relationship with someone in their late-teens (who was mature for their age) while I was in my mid-20s. Not a huge age gap, but big enough. It started out fine because mentally we were on the same level. I wasn't using them (if anything I was being used) and enjoyed the company. Things got rocky because I had more experience and that didn't sit well. He was the one who isolated me and was controlling. So, it just goes to show that anyone can be an abusive asshole regardless of the age of the persons involved.

[(Anonymous)]

I usually roll my eyes when people say "age is is just a number", but even I think you sound way judgey and kind of cruel. And really selfish.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm confused. You realize that RL != fiction, yet your friend's relationship has ruined fictional relationships for you? You made the correlation that they are not the same, so I don't get it. How would her one relationship matter? That's like saying one bad relationship experience with an asshole means all relationships are doomed. It's ridiculous because people are different and chances are (if you're smart) they won't be the same as that ex.

As for your friend. You said she's barely legal (I assume she's 18-19 then?). Basically she's old enough to make her own decisions. How about instead of being a judgey friend you be more supportive. She sounds like she's in the beginning stages where the relationship is new and exciting. Give your friend a bit more credit and let her make her own mistakes. Chime in if she says something that sounds REALLY sketchy, but refrain from rolling your eyes every time she mentions him. That just makes you look jealous (in her eyes). Whether that's the case or not.

You're over exaggerating. And yeah, you are being an arse of a friend right now.