fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1744 ]

[ SECRET POST #1744 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1744 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[tinker tailor soldier spy]

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03.

[Pokemon]

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04.

[Disgaea 2]

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05.

[Reborn]

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06.

[Yahtzee/Cinema Snob]

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07.

[Fruits Basket]

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08.

[Sherlock]

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09.

[Teahouse]

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10.

[Glee]

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11.

[Law & Order: Special Victims Unit]

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12.

[Jem]

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13.

[Before Crisis: Final Fantasy VII]

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14.

[Sherlock (BBC)]

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15.

[Kingdom Hearts]

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16.

[Reba]

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17.

[South Park/Black Dagger Brotherhood]

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18.

[Society]

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19.

[Paris Hilton/Baccano!!]

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20.

[Paranoia Agent]

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21.

[HIMYM]

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22.

[American Beauty]

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23.

(Phantom of the Opera/Ramin Karimloo/Hadley Fraser/Sierra Boggess)

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24. [repeat]

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25.

[Card Captor Sakura]

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26.

[Steve Jobs]

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27.

(adventure time)

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28.

[Supernatural]

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29.

[Owl City]

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30.

[Game of Thrones]

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31.

[The Phantom of the Opera 25th Anniversary edition]

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32.

[Glee]

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33.

[HP]

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34.

[HP]

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35.

[Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality]

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36.

[HP]

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37. [TRIGGER WARNING for miscarriage, depression]

[HP]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 094 secrets from Secret Submission Post #248.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 1 (yes, AGAIN) - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

On one hand, I get where you're coming from. But in a real-life scenario, I'd have to say you sound pretty immature and narrow-minded. Relationships, and especially marriages, take work. And in most cases, no one person is 100 percent at fault for a relationship stalling out or failing. There are multiple sides to every scenario, and failure to grasp that concept and practice empathy is what causes relationships to crumble more than anything.

Yes, from the narrow scope we were given in the movie, she came off as a shrew. But if that had been a real life relationship, you can bet that there were events and failings on his part as well that at least contributed to their communication breakdown, and ultimately to her shutting off from the relationship. If she was just a class A bitch through and through, why would he have married her in the first place?

tl;dr - real life relationships and marriages are never that cut and dried. And if you really believe they are, then your future failed relationships will be your own fault.

1. no shit.

2. you obviously haven't seen the movie if this is hat you got out of it.

1. bitter, much?

2. my whole comment was a response to the blithe and pathetically simple secret, not the movie, genius.

This, absolutely. He never owned to his own mistakes and if throwing a plate of food at a wall is portrayed as a positive thing, there is something seriously rotten in Denmark.

That dinner scene was about where I went from vague confusion and boredom to out and out anger. Stuff like that happened sometimes when I was a kid, and well, it always meant that everybody else was scared shitless for the next few hours. It never escalated, thankfully (and wasn't necessarily the same family member every time), but that kind of expression of rage is so massively inappropriate to take out on your family. Ugh.

I very distinctly remember being eleven and having an assignment about distinguishing the color percentage in an M&M package, and me not getting what the fuck a percentage or a decimal point was supposed to quantify. And because my father is also kind of bad at maths, he got frustrated as well while trying to help me, and my mom and dad actually got into an out-and-out physical brawl, throwing each other into walls over who was allowed to show me what. I was terrified for years afterward.

My mom later told me it was all my fault. I know now that it wasn't, but that kind of selfishness/blame game in parents is what sets off my rage factor nowadays.

that kind of selfishness/blame game in parents is what sets off my rage factor nowadays.

Oh, absolutely. That's part of why I think Revolutionary Road is such a superior film to AB- the neglect of the kids to the point where you almost forget they're parents is shown to be a bad thing.

...After reading the summary of Revolutionary Road on wiki, it's safe to say that's on the list of films that I am never going to watch (along with pretty much everything Aronofsky's ever done). Holy triggers and depression up the wazoo.

Yeaaah, it's a pretty damn depressing movie (though at least iirc in the last shot the father is playing with the kids).

Good call on the Aronofsky- I wish I'd never watched Black Swan.

Holy shit. That is messed up. You know this already, but it's not your fault and your parents are dicks.

yeah exactly. I remember how terrifying that shit was when I was growing up, and I really hate how, in the movie, that's supposed to be like the moment when we're all so happy for him because he's finally standing up for himself, or something.

honestly I really really worry about people who came out of that movie thinking that Spacey was some kind of hero.

Same. It's one of those things where if I meet somebody and they rave about American Beauty I start side-eyeing them incredibly hard. like, to be fair, some of the people I knew who liked it were incredibly privileged teens who were probably high and liked the pretty colors, but I just don't have patience for films that applaud terrible fucking life decisions.

I can kinda see how that scene would be portrayed as a positive thing. Not as a "violent outbursts are right" type of thing, but as a positive outburst to years(?) of pent up frustration.

I've been through a similar thing with my family, though it was my mother who was the "shrew". She spent years of my childhood nagging me, berating me and not allowing me to do anything without getting screamed at. I definitely wore me down and affected the person I ended up growing into. So I can sort of see where Kevin Spacey is coming from in the movie. I wish I had been brave enough to throw a plate at the wall. Perhaps it would have scared my mother off from the constant harassment. Maybe I would be a braver, more assertive person if I had...

If you threw 'emotionally and occasionally physically abusive' into that mix you'd have my mother. And yes, it also definitely affected me and my personality- I'm avoidant as fuck and pacifist almost to the extreme, with terrible, people-pleasing anxiety.

The final straw was when my mother said 'I can't love you if you're trans' and said I ought to live on the street for being so ugly. So I left an extremely angry note for her and ran away, squatting for a few months in various houses and working wherever I could to fund myself.

Things between us are still hard, but better- I'm seeking therapy for myself to attempt to cope with the emotional damage and we're talking to each other- albeit in extremely odd, boundary-defined ways.

But my point is that throwing a plate of food to alarm your mother is never appropriate, because all it does is shock and confuse- it accomplishes nothing. Writing her a letter is a good outlet for that frustration, because it gets across why you are angry and frustrated with her. Use words. It's better than posturing.

In the context of the scene, the wife was entirely in the right to be angry. Her husband lost his job (leaving her to deal with the financial end of things) did something kind of illegal, and bought a very expensive car without consulting anyone. This is extremely immature behavior, especially bringing up his sex life in front of his daughter. Annette's only considered a shrew because we see her through the eyes of Kevin Spacey and thus uses an annoying tone of voice the entire time. A mature course of action would be to draw Annette aside and explain that he was very unhappy with his life and in his marriage, and two options they could explore might be temporary or long-term separation, or mediated couples therapy. But no, he decided to BE MANLY, up the ante and bully around his daughter and his wife with the threat of physical violence. THAT IS NOT OKAY.

Because calmly deciding to write a reasonable, mature letter is what people do after years and years of pent-up frustration.

I managed to do it, although I wasn't at all calm about it. I know I'm not everyone, but I'm also not a 40-something who ought to know and act better than that.

"If she was just a class A bitch through and through, why would he have married her in the first place?"
It may have escaped your notice, but people change. Also when you're in love, you tend to overlook little annoying things about that person which overwhelm their personality over time.

"real life relationships and marriages are never that cut and dried"
Except for, like, abusive ones or something? (but women are never abusive !! It's always the guy, isn't it?)

Troll harder.

A thing I love about the internet: you can dismiss any argument that you don't know how to respond to by saying that. somebody questions your stupid logic? LOL TROLL HARDER.

Well, I could waste my energy trying to argue your previous point, but it's something I've seen brought up a lot (BUT WOMEN CAN BE ABUSIVE/RAPISTS TOO OMG WHY DOES NOBODY EVER CALL THEM OUT ON IT- THIS TOTALLY EXCUSES MEN WHO RAPE AND ABUSE) in other comms, and I'm dead tired of seeing it crop up.

Also, you're anon and saying incendiary things like a wannabe troll. It's not stupid logic to assume you are.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #1744 ]

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tl;dr

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