Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-05-02 06:51 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-05-02 06:51 pm
[ SECRET POST #1947 ]
⌈ Secret Post #1947 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 068 secrets from Secret Submission Post #278.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
no subject
I hope you meant in a sexual sense. In which case -- there are BDSM communities out there, go roleplay or something.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-05-03 12:40 am (UTC)(link)Partially in the sexual sense, partially in the "I'd really like someone to keep my house in order, to serve me food, and do chores" sense.
I have actually dabbled in BDSM scene before. it just doesn't really work for me for several reasons. I'm not a fetishist, so the whole leather/latex/uniform aspect of the scene puts me off. I've been in play dungeons and it's just really awkward with (half)naked people you don't know, often people twice you age, and I felt like I inadvertently dropped in on my neighbor's swinger's party and wanted to avert my gaze. Also, lots of genuinely batshit people there. Like: I wouldn't want to be alone in a room with them batshit. It's actually really hard to find a decent male sub. Because there is a disproportionate number of Dommes to male slaves, you just get lots of desperate dudes wanting your attention.
Anyway, I might have been going to the wrong places, but it just left a sour taste.
In any case, I'm in a vanilla relationship now, so it's all in the hypothetical and fantasy realm.
no subject
Actually, right after I typed that, I realized that subdom doesn't necessarily have to fall into the realm of BDSM, and lots of people roleplay that kind of thing without delving into actual bondage, sadomasochism and whatnot
You say you're in a vanilla relationship, so I take it that your partner isn't willing to roleplay that kind of stuff? I can sort of see your disappointment.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-05-03 02:19 am (UTC)(link)My previous relationship had a very central D/s theme and while I had lots of fun with that at first, towards the end of it it felt more like a chore than fun. So I think, for me, I do just prefer it as play, not as a relationship dynamic.
So I was specifically not fishing in the kinky pool at the point I met my current bf (because I had a bit of an overdose)
Another added complication is that in the D/s context I'm strictly Domme/top, but in the vanilla aspects of the relationship I'm more what one would call a versatile. It's sort of complex to begin with to have sexual/relational compatibility there...
But fact is, that sexuality is only one part of a relationship and when looking for a life partner.
He's not into pain or humiliation at all. He knows vaguely that I'm kinkier and that I was more adventurous in the past, but it simply isn't something he's into. And it sort of doesn't work that way. I just really don't believe in the sort of compromises where people end up doing things they feel bad about.
See the funny thing is, I have this friend who seems to actually be kink-compatible, and I know he would have been interested at least at some point, but fact is I don't see us having the sort of relationship me & my bf are having now. And I wouldn't trade that for just sex.
And yeah, it's frustrating sometimes - but people are who they are, you can't make them into something they're not.
no subject
I think this is the most important point. Consent is fundamental and we can't force people into doing things or into fulfilling roles they don't want. I know I would probably rather my spouse be more dominant than he is but he just isn't into that. It's not in his nature. I just have to deal with it. There's always fantasy, masturbation, stuff like that... so it's not a total loss, just kind of a disappointment you have to deal with that comes along with having healthy relationships.
Now THAT was TMI I'm afraid.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-05-03 12:56 am (UTC)(link)no subject