[ SECRET POST #1981 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1981 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 68 secrets from Secret Submission Post #283.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Do you know what the Kinsey scale is? If not, I'd recommend looking into it. I've found it's a great tool for explaining where I am sexually. I don't believe you have to be equally attracted to men and women to be bisexual, and the Kinsey scale is a great way to illustrate that.

I've found fandom is pretty welcoming to bisexuals, but I also don't discuss my homosexual crushes too often, just because my fandom crushes tend to be male. If you want to tell people, I say plunge in. Tell people you're questioning, see how they react. If it's positive, great. If it's not, you get to choose whether you want to associate with that kind of people. Sometimes, that's all you can do.

[elialshadowpine]

This! Kinsey scale is pretty awesome. I usually refer to myself as pansexual (because it's more accurate for me and also doesn't quite have the same baggage) but I'm more like a 4.5 on the scale.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I'm a 2.5. It's taken a bit to come to terms with the fact that I'll probably never be a 3 (I don't care so much about the "am I bisexual?" as "does everyone think I don't belong here?" at LGBTQ&A meetings) but the Kinsey scale really reflects my personal beliefs that attraction to at least one male and at least one female equals bisexual. Like you, I really am more pansexual, but I'd rather not have people confuse me with having Jack Harkness' and Todd's "I will fuck anyone" sexuality. Not because I find that wrong, but because it's not true.

[elialshadowpine]

Yeah, I have had a few people go "?" at the .5 but I feel it more accurately represents, because I really am "somewhere in the middle".

As far as GBLT meetings, the only ones who really annoy me are the types that will loudly proclaim that they would fuck somebody of the same gender but *gasp* they would never be romantically involved. Which... yeah... -_-

I think most of the time if I mention I'm pan in any sort of context that would involve people perhaps expressing interest in me (like my FetLife and OKCupid accounts -- although I have my OKC account hidden to people who aren't also listed as gay or bi because I got so sick of straight men who obviously didn't even read my profile), I also say that while body doesn't matter as much, the type of personality that I am interested in is usually found in women. Like, the three guys I have had long-term relationships with? One IDs as genderqueer at this point, another has read about GQ and commented that it sounds like him but he doesn't care enough to use the label, and another that I haven't talked as much with in recent years but has described himself in language that would nowadays be considered GQ. I'm fine with male bodies, but I am not attracted to traditionally masculine personalities, at all.

Which is a lot to explain but I do bother if it's somewhere that it's appropriate to expand upon, or if it happens to come up in conversation like now! :)

[(Anonymous)]

I'm the exact opposite! I'm not at all attracted to male genitalia, but I prefer masculine personalities. Actually, I prefer a lot of things but I'll almost always go for butch women, masculine women, and submissive men, if that makes any sense. A lot of different guys will attract me, but I'm much more picky when it comes to girls.

[broadwaybabe11.livejournal.com]

Sounds like me. I am very attracted to feminine personalities. But I am attracted to male bodies a lot, too. Most of the important people in my life have been female simply because I get along with them better, and the two important males in my life are feminine. One of them is my father, and the other is my boyfriend lol. I feel like pansexual fits me best, too and that sexuality really isn't a nice neat little box.

[mfirefly10]

Yes, to the 4.5! I use the Kinsey scale to explain my sexuality to potential partners/long-term friends who aren't very knowledge about bisexuality/pansexuality. It's come in handy a few times :)

[(Anonymous)]

OP here

I've seen the Kinsey scale, but it's always intimidated me because I've never been in a relationship with a guy or a girl, and even if I had, I always assumed you were only bi if you were right in the middle of the scale.

[(Anonymous)]

As others have said, there's no "average" or "right" or "wrong" when it comes to these things, and IIRC (though my undergrad psych degree was completed eons ago) Kinsey's work was widened by others to include thoughts and tendencies more than just experience, so it's not seen now as limited a scale as Kinsey had first created. /unhelpful blather

At the end of the day, though, it's about what you're comfortable with and how you wish to act on it. There's no right or wrong answer; there's just life, and it's going to suck as much as it's going to be awesome. I hope the comments you see here help you realize you're not alone, and because I love to give advice even when it's not helpful in the slightest, I'll just say that my (female) partner and I met through fandom eight years ago. She had been married to a man, and the majority of my history had been with guys as well. The majority of our online friends and acquaintances didn't have a problem with it, and though it was hard to tell our families both that we were in a homosexual relationship and that we'd met online (because I honestly don't know which was the bigger stigma at the time), she was included in all the family pictures when my sister married two weeks ago. It's been a hard road to get here, and there are still bumps, but the journey's worth it.

Many hugs to you, OP.

[(Anonymous)]

TBH this entire thread has been amazingly kind to me and my lack of knowledge. Basically; I love everybody in this bar comm. :D

[(Anonymous)]

In my opinion, relationships have nothing to do with what you like. A virgin can know if he or she is gay or not. Whatever turns you on, turns you on. I also don't believe you have to be equally attracted to men and women to be bisexual. Being attracted to one man and one woman at least once in your life makes you bisexual. But if you don't like that, the Kinsey scale is a great way to express roughly how much you're attracted to each gender. 0 means attracted only to the opposite gender, 3 means equally attracted to both genders, and 6 means attracted only to the same gender. 1, 2, 4, and 5 are in between those markers. I believe that anyone who's not a 0 or a 6 is bisexual. I'm actually more pansexual than bisexual, but I prefer to use bisexual because it is an easy concept for most people to understand.

Here's a chart (switch behavior for attraction): http://thealterrealist.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/09-07-kinsey.gif

[(Anonymous)]

See, if I define it by attraction rather than behavior, I'd say I'm at least a 2, maybe between 2 and 3. I've looked at the Kinsey scale before, but it always scared me because I have no "behavior" to draw from, just crushes and "woah, that's hot" reactions.

[(Anonymous)]

That's about where I am, and I definitely define myself as bisexual. The quickest and easiest way to figure out what you like is to read and watch porn, the kinkier the better. I know that sounds like strange and deviant advice, but I'm guessing you're pretty young and aren't quite sure what you like. Maybe you're kinky, maybe you're not. Maybe you only like butch women or effeminate men. Maybe you're into BDSM, maybe cross-dressing gets you off. You won't know until you try to find out. Read slash, femslash, het, genderswap, whatever. You won't know what you like until you try as much as you can.

[(Anonymous)]

I do read(not so much watch, because I'm still living at home and I don't have a private place to watch, lol) plenty of porn, and I am pretty aware of kinks I have(BDSM being a rather large one, actually). And I like them on pretty universal basis. So, ironically enough, I'm pretty aware of my kinks(and thanks to fandom for giving me a name to put with the feelings).
But I'm never adverse to reading more porn for the good of figuring myself out :P