[ SECRET POST #1994 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1994 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 092 secrets from Secret Submission Post #285.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - empty comments ], [ 1 2 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

08. http://i49.tinypic.com/qysi81.png

[(Anonymous)]

i don't know the fandom/specific scene, but i know how much it hurts to hide and lie about your beliefs. whatever happens, i hope things will turn out okay. ♥ be strong, anon!

[(Anonymous)]

Are you possibly being just a liiiiiitle bit melodramatic about things?

[(Anonymous)]

OP here.

Maybe. The movie hits a little too close to home not to make the comparison, though.

I tried telling my mom about what I think once, and she started crying because she was so "afraid for me". I couldn't bear to see her cry and I didn't want her to be disappointed in me/scared for me, so I pretended that it was just a phase. If I had to tell her again and wanted it to stick, she would be brokenhearted, and I'm sure my dad would be too. I don't want to live with them while causing them pain, thanks.

[(Anonymous)]

Yikes, well, I'm sorry about that. It sounds like you're probably going to have to just decide that living your life is worth the hurt that your parents are really causing to themselves by being so narrow-minded. If they can't love you because of something so silly as a belief system, then that's their problem. I know women who are like your mom sounds, and they thrive on using their tears to manipulate people. I don't really see the connection to the movie at all, but whatever works for you.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah. I know I'm going to have to make that decision sooner or later, but right now I can't even think about it. They may be pretty narrow-minded, but they're wonderful in every other way and I can't bring myself to break away from them like that just yet.

[rapunzelita]

I would advise you to be careful, though... If you keep hiding who you are for the sake of your parents' love, you'll just end up resenting them, which isn't really going to be any better. And even if they have a pretty emotional/narrow-minded reaction at first, they might just need some time to cool down and process through this. It doesn't mean the damage will be impossible to fix. (And I'd say that if they are that hurt over a matter of personal beliefs, to the point where they can never get over it, well, it's for them to feel guilty, not you.)

Mostly I think you shouldn't feel guilty. I know it's pretty easy to say and more difficult to actually do, but you don't have to feel guilty for choosing to be who you and and who you want to be.

[(Anonymous)]

Not sure of the OPs issues, but when you consider the girls who have been murdered by their families in Pakistan, and in Britain, the so called "honour killings", if a mother says she is scared for her child, it may well be very serious to have different beliefs from your parents.

[elaminator]

You know OP, I sympathize. My parents were brought up 'old school' and tried bringing me up that way as well. Didn't really work.

I feel so awful for you in this situation, because while me and my parents do disagree on some topics, we still love each other. Especially me and my father; we can argue up a storm, but at the end of the day we put that aside and get along. Talking to my mom has been especially beneficial; she's for gay marriage now (a few years ago, she wouldn't have been). Some good can come of talking about such things!

Maybe one day you'll feel more comfortable discussing these things with them, or maybe you won't, but whatever happens - good luck OP! Stay strong!

[majorshipper]

I know the feeling OP. By the world's standards, I'm still pretty strongly religious/conservative-leaning(even though I classify myself as independent), but compared to my parents, I may as well be a bra-burning free-loving new-age devil-worshiping hippie.

And I hate disappointing my mum; she's got cancer, and we don't know how long she's gonna be around, so I prefer her to be proud of what she thinks I am than disappointed with what I actually am, because I don't want her to feel like she raised me wrong. So I just keep quiet.

Anyways. I know that feel, bro.

[veronica_rich]

I don't know. When my mom was dying, she seemed to want to know my sister and I were happy and satisfied with our lives above all else - so maybe that's all yours wants too. You might ask.

[majorshipper]

I know she'd want me to be happy, but if what I was doing differed from what she believed would be best for me in the long run, it would kill her inside because she'd think she messed up raising me and it was her fault for me not being a good Christian girl.

[veronica_rich]

Well, but that was my point, although you can't be expected to know it. I was raised Christian, too, and Mom was highly upset when I decided at about age 19 I wasn't going to be anymore. It took her a really long time to accept I'd changed my mind from what she wanted, and it wasn't easy, but it happened.

I just mean, maybe your mother knows more about what you really think than you think she does, and isn't as upset about it? I don't know your situation, of course.

[lunabee34]

*hugs*

I'm sorry, OP.

I know how hard it is not to want to disappoint your parents and feel like you have to hide who you are.

My parents are ultra-conservative evangelicals. We disagree on pretty much every religious, political and social issue. They think I am a bad person and that I am going to hell. My successful career and my awesome husband and daughter and the great life I've made for myself don't matter to them. And I'm not even completely honest with them about the degree to which I don't believe what they believe because the browbeating at family gatherings isn't worth it. I turn 33 tomorrow and a part of me still can't get over the fact that my parents aren't proud of me and think I suck. I don't know if there's an age where you get over a thing like that. I wish I could let it just roll off me, but I can't.

I hope you can find a way to make peace with who you are without needing that validation or having undue anxiety about it.

[omorka]

From five years further down the same process: no, you don't ever really get over it, and while my situation with my parents has improved, it never really goes all the way back to "good." I dealt with this by getting the heck out of Dodge; it's hard to fight from two states away, and things calmed down a lot when I didn't see them every month. Now when I do see them, they at least try to be decent. Then again, I'd've figured that a grandbaby would have the same effect.

[lunabee34]

This sounds so familiar. Once I graduated college, I moved away for graduate school and have never lived closer to home than 350 miles and that has helped. Having a kid helped initially and continues to help in some ways. Now that my child is nearing ten, I'm seeing that effect start to disappear because now they want to indoctrinate her and think I'm hurting my child spiritually. :(

*hugs*

I'm glad that moving away has helped you.

[veronica_rich]

Sometimes you just have to make peace with the fact they're supposed to be the ones to adjust to your changes, not you to never change - after all, they tried to influence your beliefs first and for a longer time, not vice versa. I've been the odd duck out for most of 40 years, but by this point I'm so used to it it's almost cliche in our family, LOL.

[lunabee34]

I know I have to make peace with it. I just don't know how to. :(

I am such an anxious person. I have real trouble letting go of things.

[veronica_rich]

HA - that probably comes from being a nice person or some such. I've been mean for so long, mostly out of necessity, that I have few problems with disappointing people's hopes. Don't feel bad about it, you're likely just considerate. But be considerate of yourself sometimes too.

[lunabee34]

Thanks for that. I'll try to remember. :)

[(Anonymous)]

(lol'd at your last line)

break it to your parents as much as possible. little things at first, things that you know they'll give in on. come to a compromise.

this anon tried to hid (major cultural clash among other things) and ended up hurting everyone :-/

[(Anonymous)]

(lol'd at your last line)

break it to your parents as much as possible. little things at first, things that you know they'll give in on. come to a compromise.

this anon tried to hide (major cultural clash among other things) and ended up hurting everyone :-/

[(Anonymous)]

OP, maybe there's hope. I have a friend whose father is a Baptist minister from a small town in the bible belt, her mom a minister's wife, etc. They have two children, both of whom turned out to be lesbians. One's an atheist, the other I'm not sure. I don't know if there was any drama when my friend and her sister first came out but I wouldn't be surprised because her mom's a crier and her dad's kind of a big personality. But ultimately they decided that they loved their daughters more than they loved the beliefs that told them there was something wrong with their daughters. They're totally involved with their daughters' lives, including going to gay community events. If one of them was a pagan, the mom would probably be baking cookies for after circle, and her dad would be building a fire pit. People, even middle-aged parent-type people, can question their beliefs and they can change.

[lunabee34]

That is an awesome story. I wish it would happen to me. :(

It does help hearing about that kind of thing, though. yay for your friends!