case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2012-07-02 06:36 pm

[ SECRET POST #2008 ]


⌈ Secret Post #2008 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 088 secrets from Secret Submission Post #287.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Same Anon

(Anonymous) 2012-07-03 03:17 am (UTC)(link)
haha thank you for this comment, it was really helpful.
ranting to my friends is a lot more enjoyable because they usually get where I'm coming from, but then I feel guilty, like I'm hiding something from adults who think I'm a good person. Idk, I just feel guilty about 90% of the time about almost everything. My friends have yelled at me for saying "sorry" too much, and then I feel like I have to apologize for that.

Re: Same Anon

[personal profile] anonymouslyyours 2012-07-03 03:32 am (UTC)(link)
You sound a lot like me. I have a tendency to really overthink things as well. It's not really hiding things, different relationships and social situations require different behavior and you don't need to feel guilty about being mindful of how to behave in different settings.

You're not a bad person for venting! Just be mindful about who you say things to. :) I'm pretty sure you are a good person, the fact that you care so much about who you are and how people perceive you attests to that!

anon you replied to

(Anonymous) 2012-07-03 05:53 am (UTC)(link)
Anonymouslyyours has it right.

I felt the same way when I realized how I was censoring some of my thoughts depending on who I was with, but it's really not a bad thing nor does it make you a deceitful person. If anything, it makes you self-aware and mindful of your social environment, and this is a good thing. You're less likely to accidentally insult or hurt someone this way.

The only thing I can think of to watch out for here is the rumor-mill. For example, if you tell your friend something less than flattering about X person or X group of people — I don't know, let's say that you have a strange hatred of teachers—, and the friend tells a friend who tells a tattletale with the teacher you were talking about, who decides to take a little revenge for your comments on your grade.

But really, those are more extreme cases, and while they're definitely a thing to consider when choosing your words and company, they're something that you aren't very likely to run into, from the sound of your posts. You seem like a fairly self-conscious person and it doesn't sound like you're spiteful or mean with your words, so I wouldn't worry to much about it. Just something to keep in mind, but not obsess over it.

And, um, I kind of forgot where I was going with this.

But anyway! You're not a bad person for behaving and saying things a little differently around different groups of people, or for holding back certain things around some people and not others. I've been like that and I know how it feels, but I found that the solution (not just in real life but also on the internet) is to try to be diplomatic and do my best to choice my words carefully to avoid demeaning or insulting people. It still fails, but I'm learning from each experience.

And thinking through what you want to say or type at length has the added benefit of making you reevaluate your ideas, morals and values, so you can find if there's something lurking in your subconscious that you don't like and work on correcting that.