fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2012 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2012 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

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03.

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04.

[Infinity Blade II, Chaos Ring]

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05.

[Kushiel's Legacy, Avengers, Harry Potter, Star Trek]

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06.

[America's next top Model]

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07.

[Common Law]

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08.

[MST3K ("Space Mutiny") and Final Fantasy VI]

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09.

[the bachelorette]

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10.

[Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

11. [SPOILERS for Deus Ex: Human Revolution]

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12. [SPOILERS for Legend of Korra]

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13. [SPOILERS for Legend of Korra]

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14. [SPOILERS for Pandora Hearts]

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15. [SPOILERS for Merlin]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

16. [WARNING for suicide]

[Park Yong Ha]

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17. [WARNING for abuse]

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18. [WARNING for abuse]

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19. [WARNING for rape]

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20. [WARNING for incest]

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21. [WARNING for incest possibly (OP's request)]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #287.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Start thinking:

What are you feeling? (Anger, shame, sadness, frustration, impotence, etc.) You need to pinpoint what emotion you are dealing with.

Then, why are you being emotional?

What exactly happened/is happening that is making you feel like this?

Was is it someone's actions?

Your own actions?

Just a shitty day where nothing is going right? W

here you caught off guard by something?

Don't play the blame game, just identify what caused the emotion.

Then, as calmly as possible think: Is this a problem? If so, what can I do to fix it? If it's not a problem, how can I stop thinking about it?

It takes a lot of practice, because first it's hard to calm down enough to be able to ask yourself all those questions objectively; but if you go in order, from "what", to "when" and "where" and "how", to "why" and then to "okay, now what", you'll find yourself calming down, because you're not reacting anymore, you're stopping to think about it.

Don't feel like you're screwing everything up because you lash out. Just take a moment of the day where you have time and space to think, like in the bathroom, or before going to sleep, or I don't know, whenever your routine allows it; and use that moment to go through the day and then the week with all those questions.

You'll find that examining the reasons behind everything will help you pinpoint what you are doing wrong, and then rectifying it, because you'll start to see the pattern emerge again next time you feel upset and, with time and patience, you'll be able to stop it before you lash out.

This won't be quick, or even easy, but it can be done.

da

I think phrasing it as if OP is "wrong" is not quite the right way. Because the emotions someone feels about a situation is always valid, and therefore not wrong.
But pinpointing why someone bothers you and then working to either communicate that in a way the other person understands so the situation won't repeat itself (as in, there is no blame and no one is "wrong") is definitely the right way to do it.

ayrt

I meant "wrong" as in losing control because of it, not as in, you are not allowed to feel and get angry or sad, etc.. Sorry, I should have worded that differently, and I'm probably thinking of another word that isn't "wrong", but I don't know what it would be. :(

This is actually really helpful. Thank you so much. I'm going to screencap it and add it into my phone so I can read it whenever I feel that way.

This is exactly what I need to do. I find what I have been doing is really just letting my emotions guide my thoughts and actions while at the same time, I try to get rid of them. Instead of actually taking control and coexisting with them.

Thank you again

You're welcome!

I started doing this about two or three years ago, and while I'm still struggling some times, and there are ups and downs, I've noticed that I'm calmer than I used to be years ago, or if I get upset, it doesn't last as long.

It's okay to feel things, like people above said, and it's definitely not a gender specific thing. Men go through terrible emotional roller coasters too, but they're generally not allowed to show it except in very specific ways (macho-like violence, bravado, trash talking, etc.) by society.

Anyway, the trick is to acknowledge those emotions rather than to try to block them or stop them, find out what they're trying to protect you from (because that's what they are usually doing), and find a way to solve what you were not-so-consciously perceiving to be the problem.

[ SECRET POST #2012 ]

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