fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2012 ]

[ SECRET POST #2012 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2012 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

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03.

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04.

[Infinity Blade II, Chaos Ring]

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05.

[Kushiel's Legacy, Avengers, Harry Potter, Star Trek]

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06.

[America's next top Model]

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07.

[Common Law]

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08.

[MST3K ("Space Mutiny") and Final Fantasy VI]

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09.

[the bachelorette]

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10.

[Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

11. [SPOILERS for Deus Ex: Human Revolution]

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12. [SPOILERS for Legend of Korra]

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13. [SPOILERS for Legend of Korra]

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14. [SPOILERS for Pandora Hearts]

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15. [SPOILERS for Merlin]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

16. [WARNING for suicide]

[Park Yong Ha]

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17. [WARNING for abuse]

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18. [WARNING for abuse]

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19. [WARNING for rape]

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20. [WARNING for incest]

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21. [WARNING for incest possibly (OP's request)]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #287.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Alright, I need a female to talk to.

I grew up with my dad and older brother. Girls were mean to me in school cause I always wore boy clothes (my brother's hand me downs) so I only really played with boys. I don't understand "female" emotions. Whenever I get really emotional, the fact that I blame myself for it adds on. It's a male-dominated society, so obviously I grew up with that too (meaning: emotional woman = bad and annoying, according to the male), so I feel like a totally piece of shit. A bitch. A "cunt". WHEN IT'S APPARENTLY NORMAL to feel these things.

How do I sink that in? I still blame myself for stuff, and it's affecting my relationship with y boyfriend. He's totally supportive and tells me it's okay and it's not my fault, but I get so confused and take my emotion to an extreme because I feel like I'm losing control.

I dunno what to do omg
this is pretty embarrassing too, but I don't know where else to turn. My boyfriend's mom has been so sweet and helpfu, but I don't want to bother her too much :/

Hello, female here :-)

Ok, for starters, the fact that there's these hysterical "female emotions" that you become cursed with by being born female is pretty much not true. I'm a woman, and my emotional level is actually quite stable! The real issue here is why are you getting emotional? Is there something that's been bothering you or stressing you out? Working through your feelings and understanding them is a good idea.
Also, a woman being emotional is NOT bad or annoying. Like I said again, being a woman with emotions =/= being hysterical, unreasonable, etc.

Well, I'm on my period right now lol so that's definitely helping. But the reason why I feel really emotional a lot is because I'm insecure, and I'm really not a fan of myself at all. So I'm insecure about my relationship with my boyfriend - which is why the emotion kicks in. I'm scared. I want to protect what we have. I didn't realize it until just recently, but I really hate myself. So much so that I have a hard time believing anyone can truly love me. And I know what that does to a relationship, so I feel even worse, because like I said, I want to protect what him and I have. He's really a great guy who has never given up on me, but I feel guilty because I don't feel he deserves that at all, no matter how silly he tells me I'm being.

It's just so confusing. I'm the one doing this to myself. I'm the one with the toxic thoughts. But I feel like my emotions are at war with my rationality, and I've never dealt with that before (this is my first relationship; we've been together for almost 8 months now). His mom said hormones factor into it as well, because I'm 19, so I'm still pretty young.

I'm also afraid of being like my mother, who is very mentally unstable, so I panic when I get what I feel is "too" emotional.

I've experienced a lot of low self-esteem in my life, so I think I know how you feel, and I know how it can mess up relationships. But it sounds like you are self aware about your feelings- especially in regards to how they could effect your relationship, and how you know they are negatively effecting yourself as well.
All I can say is low self confidence is common- you're not the only person who's ever felt doubt or dislike about themselves, and most people who believe they don't deserved to be loved/be happy are usually wrong. Having feelings like this doesn't make you weak or overemotional, and I know they're not easy to overcome. Even if you're not feeling great about yourself, just believe in your boyfriend, and most importantly yourself. I think you probably are awesome anyways, so just hang in there, and try to focus on the positives in your life, and don't let yourself become fixated and overwhelmed by the negatives. Just remember that no one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. You could consider talking to a therapist too, to help sort out your feelings about yourself.

Not comparing yourself to your parents is hard too, but you really don't sound mentally unstable to me.

(Aaand I'm a little bit tipsy rn, so I hope this all is making sense. Anyways, good luck. It sounds like you and your boyfriend really love each other, which is already a good thing in itself!)

just believe in your boyfriend

This is a big thing for me. He tells me things that I know are coming from somewhere deeply personal and sincere, but I sometimes forget. It works the same as this; 1 million people can tell you you're beautiful, and it just takes one little "you're ugly" to erase all of it. So my thoughts sort of take over what he said. It's silly, because it's my imagination taking over reality. I think I should start looking at it as a habit that I need to break. Also, I need to love myself more for sure. I've done it before, I can do it again. I'll work on it.

Thanks for replying! Tipsy or no, your comment really did help a lot :)

Start thinking:

What are you feeling? (Anger, shame, sadness, frustration, impotence, etc.) You need to pinpoint what emotion you are dealing with.

Then, why are you being emotional?

What exactly happened/is happening that is making you feel like this?

Was is it someone's actions?

Your own actions?

Just a shitty day where nothing is going right? W

here you caught off guard by something?

Don't play the blame game, just identify what caused the emotion.

Then, as calmly as possible think: Is this a problem? If so, what can I do to fix it? If it's not a problem, how can I stop thinking about it?

It takes a lot of practice, because first it's hard to calm down enough to be able to ask yourself all those questions objectively; but if you go in order, from "what", to "when" and "where" and "how", to "why" and then to "okay, now what", you'll find yourself calming down, because you're not reacting anymore, you're stopping to think about it.

Don't feel like you're screwing everything up because you lash out. Just take a moment of the day where you have time and space to think, like in the bathroom, or before going to sleep, or I don't know, whenever your routine allows it; and use that moment to go through the day and then the week with all those questions.

You'll find that examining the reasons behind everything will help you pinpoint what you are doing wrong, and then rectifying it, because you'll start to see the pattern emerge again next time you feel upset and, with time and patience, you'll be able to stop it before you lash out.

This won't be quick, or even easy, but it can be done.

da

I think phrasing it as if OP is "wrong" is not quite the right way. Because the emotions someone feels about a situation is always valid, and therefore not wrong.
But pinpointing why someone bothers you and then working to either communicate that in a way the other person understands so the situation won't repeat itself (as in, there is no blame and no one is "wrong") is definitely the right way to do it.

ayrt

I meant "wrong" as in losing control because of it, not as in, you are not allowed to feel and get angry or sad, etc.. Sorry, I should have worded that differently, and I'm probably thinking of another word that isn't "wrong", but I don't know what it would be. :(

This is actually really helpful. Thank you so much. I'm going to screencap it and add it into my phone so I can read it whenever I feel that way.

This is exactly what I need to do. I find what I have been doing is really just letting my emotions guide my thoughts and actions while at the same time, I try to get rid of them. Instead of actually taking control and coexisting with them.

Thank you again

You're welcome!

I started doing this about two or three years ago, and while I'm still struggling some times, and there are ups and downs, I've noticed that I'm calmer than I used to be years ago, or if I get upset, it doesn't last as long.

It's okay to feel things, like people above said, and it's definitely not a gender specific thing. Men go through terrible emotional roller coasters too, but they're generally not allowed to show it except in very specific ways (macho-like violence, bravado, trash talking, etc.) by society.

Anyway, the trick is to acknowledge those emotions rather than to try to block them or stop them, find out what they're trying to protect you from (because that's what they are usually doing), and find a way to solve what you were not-so-consciously perceiving to be the problem.

I'm not sure what to tell you since I pretty much do the same thing (beat myself up over being "too" emotional/sensitive/etc.) and haven't figured out how to go easier on myself yet, but it did make me think of this article about gaslighting that my friend JUST linked me to this evening: it's about how women are perceived as crazy when we're really, totally not. Might be of some interest? At the very least, it's good for a "you're not alone" moment.

Thank you! I'm going to take a look at that. I hope it'll do me some good.

Two things:

1) Being in touch with your emotions is a good thing as long as you have perspective on it and don't let them rule you. Suppressing your emotions, like boys are constantly taught to do by basically every source of information they come in contact with from a very young age, is a bad thing that's quite damaging. Don't think about it as a "girl" thing, think about it as a person thing.

2) Feeling things does not make you a "bitch". It's when you act on your feelings impulsively and later regret those actions that's bad. Feelings come and go, for a variety of different reasons. Try and recognize what you're feeling, how those feelings are affecting you, and especially why you're feeling them in the first place. If you think you're overreacting or being overemotional about a "little" thing, think about what exactly is making you so mad/sad/excited/happy/scared/whatever. It may be more complicated than you think.

1) Yes, I agree. And I always, always go by the fact that emotions are never wrong. Someone actually put it quite nicely in a reply above; the emotions someone feels about a situation is always valid, and therefore not wrong.

2) This is what I'm going to start doing. I usually let my emotions guide my thinking while at the same time trying to get rid of them, and I know that's a big no no. I'm really glad I came here for help. Thank youuu

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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