fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2021 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2021 ⌋

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So my problem is I'm not sure I have a problem. A year and a half ago I basically had fairly severe bipolar mental breakdown (that I'm medicated for now) , and I began mildly self harming very frequently. I bit my hands, I dug at my skin with nail scissors & plastic, I dug into my skin with my hails, & I picked at existing accidental injuries. I almost never left marks because I didn't want to be caught (I was in a swimming class at the time), and if I did leave marks they were very small. When my medication kicked in, the behavior became a lot less frequent, and for a while it stopped completely.

However, it didn't really ever die. When I have brief relapses of anxiety or bipolar or even if I'm just angry or sad sometimes I still do it, especially the hand-biting. It's the most effective way to clear my head and focus me and make me not feel like shit.

My question is this: it still makes me feel guilty for doing it, and I'm not really sure whether or not I should give it up. Is it worth it to make an effort to not do it if I'm not really hurting myself all that badly?

my first instinct is to say that it's not really a problem, because i have a habit of biting the inside of my mouth and gripping my necklace charm tightly when i'm anxious/upset (it's a rayed sun with lots of pointy bits) because the mild discomfort is oddly comforting, however i also don't have a history of more injurious self-harm, nor of any mental disorders. i think the mere fact that the hand-biting habit upsets you and is often associated with a relapse is maybe a good reason to bring it up with a medical professional (i assume that you see one occasionally since you say you're on meds now) and even to try giving it up completely.

can you think of any other things that you can do to help focus yourself that aren't potentially destructive? like, cracking all of your joints, or carrying a worry stone, or something. i'm a pretty tactile person, and i've found that saying the multiplication tables or taking deep breaths isn't always very helpful. =]

I figure it's really about how aware and in control you are of the behavior. I used to self-harm pretty frequently and, not severe like needing medical attention, but I cut and bruised and scratched 'till I bled, that sort of thing. However, I noticed it was getting really really frequent and out of control so I made a conscious effort to stop. I still go back to hitting myself (just like a quick punch on my arm or something) and other quick little things, but I don't really mind that. It's not frequent, it's not huge, it's never emotionally out of control.

Now, reading this people might think I'm deluding myself about the control part, but it really is up to you to know your limits and your own amount of self control. Honestly, if it's just little things and it's not that often I'd say go with it.

Look up dermatillomania- skin picking.

OP: No, this is different. I do do sorts of things like that, but at different times. Not my skin though; I pull out my eyelashes and rub at my scalp when I'm under mild stress or even just as a nervous habit.

I want to say that I am in no way a doctor etc but here's what I know
Pulling up hair is called trichotillomania. Rubbing your scalp could be a nervous habit. Skinpicking/hair pulling are basically just nervous habits, a way to deal with stress.
the line where it stops being a habit and becomes a disorder is when it starts to affect daily life- like if it hurts too much to walk etc etc
What I'm trying to say is you're probably fine unless you cause an infection or have large bleeding holes in your skin from picking
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dermatillomania
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trichotillomania

I forgot to say: I do this myself. When I'm stressed, I can take the entire top layer of skin off the bottoms of my feet in a few days, and I cut callouses off my hands. Your behavior just seems similar to mine so I thought I'd share what I know.
Good luck!

OP: Thank you :) I appreciate the information and the well wishes.

Well, speaking from my own experience (note: may not apply to you but it's the only situation I know) I'd say that if you have nothing to replace it with and you do not want to quit, I would not recommend giving it up. Self harming is an addiction and if you do not really want to quit, it's likely that it won't work. I managed to cut it down mostly - first by smoking, then with music - but I still have relapses and I have been trying very hard.
Uhm, I really hope this doesn't sound like I'm encouraging you or something. I don't mean it that way. I just remember, from my own situation, that at times self harming was the only reason I could deal with stuff while still making sure I'd see the next day, and that somewhat justifies continuing, if you ask me. It does completely depend on your situation, though.
(Am I making sense? It's 8am here and I just came home from working a night shift.)

You're making complete sense. Thank you for the advice.

You've hit on why I feel bad about doing it though, because I KNOW it is an addiction, whenever I do it I give myself the same excuses as addicts from movies and books and stuff and it feels like one so I feel that I SHOULD quit. . .but also it's really really effective at getting me back in line. I just wasn't really sure if it counted as 'harmless' or not I guess.

Now scurry on off to bed :)

I don't have any advice, I'm just posting to say: Holy crap, someone else self-harms by biting their hands. I don't even like to talk about it because I believed I was the only one who had a "weird" self-injury method.

OP: Nope. You're not alone. There's a thread about it somewhere online to prove that, but it's not really very helpful and is probably imo triggering so I will just say that you are definitely not the only one.

I understand not wanting to talk about it. Not many people take you very seriously if you say "I harm myself by biting my hands." Unfortunate, really.

[ SECRET POST #2021 ]

TW:Mild Self Harm

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prob an unpopular opinion

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