[ SECRET POST #2028 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2028 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 107 secrets from Secret Submission Post #290.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 3 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

13. http://i.imgur.com/2XHMH.png

[(Anonymous)]

Don't sweat it too much, OP. My mom "left" me too almost a decade ago, so I get it. It's hard stuff, so don't beat yourself up about it, 'kay? *hug*

[(Anonymous)]

You are not responsible for someone's death unless you actively did something to them, or didn't help them when you could have helped them.

This isn't the case here. Don't blame yourself. It's sad that your mother wasn't able to hang on to life for you, but she probably didn't mean to die. Most addicts deny that their addiction could kill them, and alcoholism is no different.

[elaminator]

Yea, this. You aren't responsible in the least.

[(Anonymous)]

yeah this

you were a year old op

[silverau]

Oh, OP. I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry you feel that way. You shouldn't have to blame yourself. Your mother had a problem, and she probably had it before you were even alive. There's no way it could be your fault.

Hugs if you want them.

[(Anonymous)]

You don't "need to get over it," and anyone who tells you that you do is a massive shithead. It's okay to be sad and angry and to grieve, even for a long time. I do hope you realize, though, that it was not your fault. You were a year old, and you didn't ask to exist. Regardless of whether your mother did it because of something she felt about you, it was not your fault.

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You don't "need to get over it," and anyone who tells you that you do is a massive shithead. It's okay to be sad and angry and to grieve, even for a long time. I do hope you realize, though, that it was not your fault. You were a year old, and you didn't ask to exist. Regardless of whether your mother did it because of something she felt about you, it was not your fault.

<Hugs!>

[(Anonymous)]

You don't "need to get over it," and anyone who tells you that you do is a massive shithead

This so much. I hate it when people tell others who went through traumatic events to just 'get over it'. It's not like a bloody break up or something where its (most of the time) not a big deal and you're just sad for a time. It is incredibly insensitive to tell someone who has been through something that traumatic to just get over it.

I once had a friend that I admitted being molested to and that it sometimes made me uncomfortable around other girls (I was molested by a girl). His response was, "Sounds like that's something you need to get over with". I pretty much stopped being friends with him after that.

[riddian]

What happened to her was in no way your fault. You were a year old, there wasn't anything you could have done for her and it's not a sin to just exist. She didn't die because of you, she died because she was an alcoholic.

That said, it's okay to feel awful about it. It's a pretty awful thing to happen. Trying to "just get over it" is probably a bad idea. Just don't blame yourself in the process. *hug*

[kallanda_lee]

OP - you are not responsible for your mother's death.

Alcoholism is a disease that some people are prone to. More so, if her heart stopped beating at such a young age, there might have been a genetic predisposition for that too.

The absolute majority of people who die of side effect of addiction don't WANT to die - they just do not have the strength or help they need to kick their habit.

Since you were so young, you'll never know. But, she might have loved you more than anything, but despite that couldn't handle her own issues.

And even IF she was handling motherhood badly, it's still not your fault, because a) there was clearly a pre-existing problem and b) she chose to have you and that was her call/responsibility - not yours.

Either way, OP, do not let the past stand in the way of you living. Part of her lives on in you - make the most of that life, for both your and her sake.

And no-one is inherently unlovable, OP. There is love for you out there.

*Internet Hugs*

[(Anonymous)]

OP a baby has no role in the world, they are totally innocent and defenseless. Their parents have the role of protecting them. You as a baby weren't there to help your mother, or prevent her from killing herself. You mustn't feel responsible on any level.

I think it would be natural to feel angry with her, and to find it hard to "get over" but it's her responsibility and not yours, and I hope you can let go of any feelings of guilt.

[elenauial]

As a single mother who has struggled with depression and suicidality, it has NOTHING to do with you. Please, please, please don't blame yourself, and if at all possible, find someone whom you can talk to about this, a professional if you can. Don't let this control your life, because that was not your fault.

For one thing, parenting is hard work. Especially a baby. I don't know your mother's situation, but as someone who got into it by herself, unplanned, it's a lot to deal with. You're sleep deprived, trying to care for another human being who can't communicate their needs, and it sounds like she was already dealing with some issues, being an alcoholic, not to mention if she had post-partum depression or anything... (Again. Being a baby and needing care is NOT something you could have helped and that feeling of overwhelm she might have felt would NOT be your fault)

And also, depression isn't about other people, it's about feeling inadequate and unworthy in yourself. Having had moments of suicidal thoughts since becoming a parent, it's never been because I don't love my son or because he did something wrong, it's because I've felt overwhelmed, incapable and that he would be better off without me, better left to be raised by someone who could do a better job. Ultimately, what changes my mind, is the fear that he would be left like this some day, never knowing the reason, always blaming himself and wondering what he did wrong.

I'm really, really sorry this happened to you. But your mother was most likely feeling alone, overwhelmed and helpless and you did nothing wrong and there was nothing you could do to change that. I really hope you are able to make peace with this some day and find it in your heart to love yourself. Because I'm sure she did.