[ SECRET POST #2037 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2037 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 067 secrets from Secret Submission Post #291.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - personal attack ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

FYI, your #2 just proves the OP's point. Men aren't expected to mind their physical P's and Q's the way women are.

[(Anonymous)]

the same goes for men too or would you date a man who wears ratty clothes and hasn't washed his hair in weeks the first time you meet. I don't think so.

[velvet_mace]

The hell they aren't. Would you go out with a guy who doesn't care about his appearance? They may not wear make up, but a badly shaved face and ugly clothes doesn't impress the ladies. In fact it makes a dude kinda look like a creep. Once he's in a relationship, he can let it slack a bit, but while he's trying to get a girl to say yes to him, he better look at himself in a mirror.

[(Anonymous)]

da

lol this is such bullshit. Men are in no way expected to go out of their way in the least to impress women or get a date. Seriously, they're just not.

[velvet_mace]

So, you'd seriously say yes to any guy who asks you, no matter how unattractive and gross he looks? Or do you think other women have that low standards.

[(Anonymous)]

YAA (yet another anon)

No, but I'd probably be put under a lot of pressure to "give him a chance" because I'd "like him if I got to know him."

[velvet_mace]

Well, you do need to be a bit brave and not just say yes to everyone who asks you. Having standards is a good thing. If you don't feel chemistry or attraction to a person, you shouldn't date him. Listen to your gut. No matter how much you get to know the dude, if you aren't attracted to him, you aren't going have a satisfying relationship with him. You may be great friends, but romance needs attraction.

If the guy is pressuring you to "give him a chance" because you'll "like him if you got to know him", he's a creep and bad news. This is classic bad guy behavior and should set up an immediate red flag for you to stay away.

[(Anonymous)]

da

It's not just the guy pressuring women though.

It's society. It's everyone. It's family, friends, the guy's friends.

Women are socialized to feel uncomfortable, guilty, etc. if they say no to a man asking them out. Not everyone is able to just go against hundreds of years of socializing women to not have standards, to not say no to men, etc. For fuck's sake.

[velvet_mace]

Actually, it seems its the other way around. A woman who says yes too easily and dates a bunch of guys is seen as being "loose" and "easy" and looked down on. But it could be different in your country. Do you live in a place with a lot of arranged marriages?

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

I live in the US, you condescending ass. And yeah-- women can't win. Welcome to sexism.

[velvet_mace]

Well then, if you are damned if you do and damned if you don't, you might as well only say yes to the guys you find attractive. For what it's worth, I think you are way overvaluing the guy and his friend's opinions, and way off on your families. Shitty, misogynistic, easily butthurt assholes exist, but you don't have to date them, and most people would be appalled if you did, for God's sake.

If some dude and his friends are calling you a frigid, consider yourself to have dodged a bullet by saying no to the dude.

[(Anonymous)]

that's what you call the good old double standard: a woman says no, she's frigid; she says yes, she's easy.

[(Anonymous)]

anon she was replying to

EXACTLY.

[(Anonymous)]

You've never watched a group of straight men get ready to go out clubbing, have you? Trust me, they ain't choosing their clothes and styling their hair to impress their friends.

[insanenoodlyguy]

The fuck we aren't! I'm not pretening that in all things the genders are equal, but some smelly ass neckbeard with BO is not getting the ladies in droves either.

99% of what velvet is saying applies to guys as well (only the makeup is different, really). If we dont' brush our teeth or wear clean clothes, we are going to get very little company we don't pay for.

[(Anonymous)]

truefax.

[littlestbirds]

What the hell? This is in no way universal. People of both genders grow up with different ideas about how to present themselves in public, everyone is different. I'm a woman who's only dated guys who are way more into dressing up for me than I am for them.

It might make you feel better to think your sad little experience is some universal rule, but it's not.

[quinnzel]

You must be extremely easygoing. I really stress extremely there. You have no idea. I view it this way. If I make an effort to impress, look good, and take care of myself, then he damn well better too. A guy with nice fitting clothes who is clean and turns on the charm has my vote over the guy that just doesn't give a fuck. Seriously, how low are your standards, anon?