[ SECRET POST #2046 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2046 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 021 secrets from Secret Submission Post #292.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - spam secret ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

but I know people who were and I'm not going to demean them by saying 'you were just confused', 'you didn't know what's good for you'.

Statuary rape. It is a thing.

Fuck, you sound like a NAMBLA apologist.

[(Anonymous)]

You sound like a sex-negative radfem.

You that the same lines are used to discredit sex workers and their rights? Saying that we're 'programmed to lie', and that we 'don't know what's good for us'. You're putting the feelings of the 'victims' aside to please your own agenda. If you really care about the feelings of the teenagers, let them speak for themselves, do not rob them of agency and voice.

I'm actually I'm a sex-positive feminist, and a young woman myself, if you must know. I'm in a relationship with an older man, and I'm NOT been exploited, I initiated it the entire thing. I know what I want, and who I love, but you would tell me that I'm being raped? You have NO RIGHT to tell me whether or not I was raped. That's why this is a personal issue for me.

[(Anonymous)]

This is not a gender-sensitive issue that people are getting on about. It is an age-sensitive issue. The problem is not about young women (... sorry, but if you're under 18, you're not a woman, not even a young one, you're a girl), the problem is with children and teenagers being in sexual relationships with adults.

Which, frankly, they have a point, because teenage brains are so very not adult brains yet, and won't be fully developed adult brains until some time in their 20s.

But hey, I don't judge you for being attracted to an older dude, or being sexually active... but frankly, I judge the fuck out of him for letting you initiate the relationship. And if you're not legal yet, then... yeah. It is statutory rape, whatever the fuck you think, and would be just as much statutory rape if you were a boy.

[(Anonymous)]

This. I'm not judging her, but that sleazebag rapist!

[(Anonymous)]

I HAVE NOT BEEN RAPED. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL IF I'VE BEEN RAPED. FUCK OFF.

And yes, you are judging me. You don't think I have enough of a fucking brain to understand whether or not I'm being raped. Seriously? I'll know if I've been raped. Comparing the consensual sex I have with my partner to rape is insulting to actual rape victims.

I am happy. My boyfriend is happy. If we are not hurting ANYONE, what is your quarrel with us? Why can't you just live and live. No one is being harmed in this situation.

[(Anonymous)]

Sry2say, you've been had! Your bf is a pedo!

[(Anonymous)]

First of all, 18 is not the universal age of adulthood/consent, it varies depending on the culture and country.
Second, I don't think children and adults in sexual relationships is okay, nor children and teens. You do know that teenagers can be pedophiles too, right?
Third, people don't magically turn 18 and suddenly they're mature.

Finally, you don't me, what I'm like, what my boyfriend's or anything about my life you have no right to judge. I talked to mother (who knows me very well) about the situation and my feelings before I talked to my boyfriend about it. She supports me and my relationship. It's fine to judge someone over the internet, but you really have no idea about me or my relationship.

You have no right to tell me I'm being raped. I am able to tell when I am being raped. I am not being harmed in any way, shape or form. And if no one is getting hurt, why bother to attack us? I am able to argue my position, defend myself and make decisions. Is it so hard to acknowledge me as full, complete being, and that I'm able to make decisions?

Oh well, at least you're just some person on the internet and not anyone of significance in my life. I guess if you're right I'll turn 18 in a few years and magically understand everything, until then, my defense shall fall on deaf ears.

[(Anonymous)]

If you are not the legal age for your country when you had sex with you boyfriend, then it is statutory rape. This is a fact. This is something anyone would have the right to tell you. I don't think it would be correct to leave off the 'statutory' part, but... yeah. Statutory rape.

If you were past the legal age when you first had sex, then no, it was not statutory rape. But if you weren't, your boyfriend is legally a rapist, and frankly that's something the both of you should have considered before deciding you just had to bang before it wouldn't be a crime.

Also, frankly? I'm not going to take a teenager's word at it that she's not being harmed. Maybe you aren't. Maybe you are. But, seriously, you are in the middle of it and at age where people tend to think whatever they think is absolute right. A 12-year-old could probably think that he totally wants to have sex with his adult teacher and claim up and down that it's not harming him in any way! But, yeah. I wouldn't take his word about it at face value either.

Maybe you're fine and you'll reach adulthood perfectly awesome and perfectly happy and live happily ever after with your boyfriend.

But maybe not.

And maybe you'll be fine, but you're boyfriend is a creep who will dump you for another teenager when you get too old.

I do not trust adults who don't have the sense not to sleep with teenagers.

[(Anonymous)]

Our relationship is legal because I have parental consent from my mother. We're perfectly within the realm of the law, thank you.

Okay, here's the thing, maybe you should stop grouping all teenagers together. There is a big difference between 13 year-old fucking a 30 a year-old, and 17 year-old fucking a 25 year-old. Is it so hard to acknowledge the situation is drastically different? Personally I would find the first situation pretty sketchy, but the second one quite unremarkable. I think it's much more sensible to look at the ages in each individual case, rather than just go "teen/adult relationship! SMASH!". Because honestly, acting like 17 year-old dating a 25 year-old is the same as a 13 year-old and 30 year-old, is just plain ridicules.

Finally, no I don't know what will happen, but that's just life. The same thing could happen to me when I'm 25, maybe I could meet a guy who likes women in their 20s, who would dump when I hit 30. I'm not going to deny myself experience out of fear of disappointment. I personally don't think my boyfriend likes me because I'm a teenager, I think he likes me because I'm ME, and I just happened to be teenager.
Only time will tell really, in the mean time, I'm going to enjoy every last second of my teenage years and my relationship; I have the support of my family and that's the most important thing, in my opinion.

[(Anonymous)]

(... sorry, but if you're under 18, you're not a woman, not even a young one, you're a girl)

The overwhelming age of consent, therefore what classifies as a 'woman' in sexual matters is 16. Even in the US, where many think it's 18. Many other developed, civilized places are even younger than 16. Do your research.

[darkmanifest]

Listen, I'm a sex-positive feminist myself, but if I find out a thirteen-year-old is sleeping with a thirty-year-old, I am not going to give them both high-fives, I am calling the kid's parents or the cops or the Avengers or somebody. There is a line, and it is not definitive across all cases ever, but it does exist, people do cross it, and it is not sex-negative to recognize this.

[anonymouslyyours]

Yes. This. Dear God.

/Will you pass me that number for the Avengers if I promise to only use it in emergencies and don't define emergencies as "There's something happening in my pants"?

[darkmanifest]

Totally! I have to warn you, though, should you slip, that it's the Hulk they send to investigate all pants-related emergencies. And by "investigate", I mean "punch through the wall".

[(Anonymous)]

I agree, but I'm not 13, and my boyfriend is not 30, and my mom knew about my feelings for my current bf before I even told him and supports me and my relationship, for one.

I do recognize this, and in fact I agree with you, my issue is with people saying any and relationship with a teen and an adult is always rape. No exceptions. As you can see in the threads above, a few anons on here share this reasoning. I am NOT arguing that all relationships between teens and adults and healthy and dandy. I am saying that there are healthy ones, not all, but some.

I do find it kind of insulting that people are trying to tell/convince me that I've been raped. When they don't know me, my partner, my situation, or even my age. All they know is that I'm a teenager with an older guy, and they are making all these unfair assumptions about me and my life. If I'm happy, and we're harming no one, why cause us grief?

Basically, what I was trying to say is, don't brush every teen/adult relationship with the same brush. Some are unhealthy and exploitative, others (like mine) are rather normal.

[darkmanifest]

I understand all of that. And you're right, it's not always nonconsensual or involves a huge power difference, and absolutely no one should be insisting you're being attacked if you're not uncertain about the matter and your parents are aware. But do you understand how dangerous those gray spaces can be? Figuring out the difference between a teenager who is in control, as you seem to be, and a teenager who is being exploited is very difficult and much more harmful if someone allows a teen to stay with an adult who is abusing their power than if they tell said adult "hands off until the kid's eighteen". That's it - not cutting off all contact entirely, not reporting it to the cops, just asking the adult party to back off for a couple of years. I want to know why the adults in these relationships can't just to do that. It seems like a reasonable concession to me.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree with you! If the adult in question truly cares about the teen, they can wait a year or two. I know it can be hard to suppress your feelings when you're pining for someone, but it the long run, it's much better to have the adults hold back for a few years and protect lots of other teens from being exploited.
I am totally for (reasonable) age of consent laws. I do think that some reform is needed sometimes because a lot of age of consent laws are biased in a sexist and hetero-normative nature (ie. for example in some places age of consent only applies to older man/teen girl, older man/teen male; and older woman/teen male, and older women/teen female are ignored). That being said, I would never argue to get rid of them completely. I just want reform where it's needed.

Aside for the unfair age of consent laws, my main issues is with the societal stigmas, and unfair assumptions made toward teen/adult relationships, even when they are legal (where I live, I am in a legal relationship due to the fact I have parental consent). My main issues are:
a) double-standards; people who accept adult female/teen female or adult female/teen male and shame adult male/teen male or adult male/teen female.
b) people who cry "pedophilia", even though both parties are sexually mature- I feel this trivializes real pedophilia
c) people who tell me I've been raped and that I'm victim when I'm not, and try to silence my voice and my agency- it's clear that they care more about forwarding their own agenda and beliefs, than the 'victim', since they can't even be bothered to listen to what I have to say

Thanks for the great response. I really appreciate your input.

[darkmanifest]

I completely agree with reform where needed, especially in regards to double standards and senseless witch hunts. Teenagers are not the same as children and also not the same as adults, they shouldn't be shoved into either category because it's easier than addressing the unique nature of their issues. Thank you for your perspective!

[(Anonymous)]

That's exactly it really. Admittedly, any times I have exclaimed that "I'm an adult", but rather I was trying to say, now that I think of it, is that I'm not child.
It's been a great discussion, that thanks again.

[deadtree]

okay I mean I totally agree with you, but I think the word you're looking for is "statutory" as "statuary" would be a group of statues.
And I'm pretty sure you can't rape a statue.

[darkmanifest]

I'm sure somebody has tried.

wikipedia quotes, but it makes the arguement better than I could

[(Anonymous)]

here is debate among sex-positive feminists about whether statutory rape laws are a form of misogyny.[8] As illustrated by the controversy over "The Little Coochie Snorcher that Could" from the Vagina Monologues, some sex-positive feminists do not consider all consensual activity between young adolescents and older people as inherently harmful, and there has been debate between feminists about whether statutory rape laws are misogynist.[9] Their argument is that statutory rape laws were made with non-gender neutral intentions and are presently enforced as such, with the assumption that young pubescent women are naive and nonsexual and need to be protected. Sex-positive feminists with this view believe that "teen girls and boys are equally capable of making informed choices in regard to their sexuality",[10] and that statutory rape laws are actually meant to protect "good girls" from sex. In "Sex-Bias Topics in the Criminal Law Course: A Survey of Criminal Law Professors" 24 U. Mich. J.L. Ref. 189 (1990), it is said: "Other feminists are opposed to or ambivalent about strengthening statutory rape statutes because such protection also precludes a young woman from entering a consensual sexual relationship, to which she may be competent to consent. These feminists view statutory rape laws as more controlling than protective -- and of course part of the law's historic role was protecting the female's chastity as valuable property". She also notes that in some states the previous sexual experience of a teenager could be used as a defense by one accused of statutory rape. She argues that this shows that these laws are intended to protect ideals of chastity rather than issues of consent.