fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2056 ]

[ SECRET POST #2056 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2056 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 110 secrets from Secret Submission Post #294.
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Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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So last night I went to this party where I knew maybe three people- it was mostly okay although several of them ended up crashing at my house. Anyway, there were some people I thought I could be friends with, until one of them suddenly said "Oh yeah, [person x] is with a guy now after claiming she was bisexual." To which another person replied "Yeah, like most bisexuals. They make a choice in the end."

So I felt too uncomfortable to say anything, particularly as I was "out" to no one at this party, but that seemed like a really dumb opinion verging on "bisexuals don't exist". I mean, unless you're poly, you're going to be with one person at a time- and being with that one person doesn't negate your sexual attraction to anyone else, it just means you've made whatever kind of commitment to that one person.

Am I nuts? Was there nothing to get offended about?

Narrow minded people who only see black or white. Sorry, that sucks.

Thanks- it just blows my mind how people can say stuff like that and not realize there might be somebody from the group they're talking about standing right the fuck in front of them. It's not like we're discussing theoretical Martians.

Re: Rambling bisexual's lament

yeranonnyharry - 2012-08-19 20:31 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Rambling bisexual's lament

murderershair.livejournal.com - 2012-08-19 20:41 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Rambling bisexual's lament

silverr - 2012-08-19 21:45 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Rambling bisexual's lament

kathkin - 2012-08-20 11:38 (UTC) - Expand

person x is with a guy now after "claiming" she was bisexual? what about being with a guy makes her being bisexual suddenly untrue? the whole point is guys are also attractive to her among other people.

"omg, did you hear sarah wore blue after claiming she's open to wearing a variety of colors"

are these people stupid or something?

OMG she ate a salad after claiming she was an omnivore!

Re: Rambling bisexual's lament

(Anonymous) - 2012-08-19 20:28 (UTC) - Expand

considering one of them went on about how much she hated theater people ("EXCEPT FOR YOU, YOU'RE OKAY" that's my fave) and then revealed her love of Shakespeare.... yes, these people *are* stupid. They were also tipsy which rarely increases one's intelligence.

No, you're not nuts. I actually facepalmed a little reading your post.

Sometimes I wish I was more confrontational in real life. It's not like this random chick's sexuality is any of their business, anyway. Unless of course, they were dumped by her first....conspiracy theory!

No, they're assholes. When something like that happens to me, I just roll my eyes and move on to the next topic unless I know the person and they know I'm not exactly straight.

Yeah, I ended up tackling it the same way I did when they assumed everyone in the room was a drug user- coughed and glanced at the one person who wasn't emphatically agreeing, and started up a diffeent subject.

The argument they made just really doesn't make any sense to me.

It's like ice cream flavors. Sometimes I eat sherbet and sometimes I have chocolate chip cookie dough. Just because I eat sherbet doesn't mean I don't still like chocolate chip cookie dough. I didn't "settle" or "finally make a choice" about which one I will eat forever and ever. It's just my choice for right here and right now. And if, for some reason, I chose to stick with sherbet for the rest of my life that doesn't mean I appreciate chocolate chip cookie dough and less. Should the opportunity arise I may even get a bite of it again someday.

So the logic of their argument makes no sense.

And now I want ice cream.

Ugh, thank you. One of the other twits said something about bisexuals having preferences, and like, I'm sure some people, somewhere have preferences, but in my personal experience that's more along the lines of "I prefer Sandy to Geoffrey" and less "I generally like vagina more than cock". I, at least, just like some people better than other people, which I think is the case for friggin everyone.

Man, I want ice cream too. There was some at the party, but it was terrible.

Re: Rambling bisexual's lament

forgottenjester - 2012-08-19 20:41 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Rambling bisexual's lament

(Anonymous) - 2012-08-19 20:46 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Rambling bisexual's lament

murderershair.livejournal.com - 2012-08-19 21:11 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Rambling bisexual's lament

(Anonymous) - 2012-08-20 02:52 (UTC) - Expand

Personally, I would've said something. It pisses me off whenever people say bisexuality is a choice.

Hell, I ended up going back in the closet for a while after someone I was working with (who was in a f/f relationship at the time) thought I needed to be with a woman to be bi, which is a lie.

I'm back out now, and I've never felt better.

It's bizarre the things I can and can't bring myself to speak up about. Like earlier in the night, when we were playing Smash Bros Melee, one of the guys said something disparaging about Princess Zelda as a character, and I immediately went, "Dude, if you hadn't noticed, I'm playing as her." And then proceeded to thoroughly crush him in the game.

I guess I've just been so conditioned to be embarrassed about my sexuality that I was afraid they'd make me even more insecure.

Re: Rambling bisexual's lament

ryttu3k - 2012-08-19 22:52 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Rambling bisexual's lament

murderershair.livejournal.com - 2012-08-20 02:01 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Rambling bisexual's lament

ryttu3k - 2012-08-20 14:00 (UTC) - Expand

They were dickheads, you have every right to be offended, and you deserve way better friends. :(

No you're not nuts! Those people were jackasses for saying that. One of my female bisexual friends is dating a guy atm. Just because she's dating a dude doesn't mean her identity as a bisexual is invalidated at all.

It is pretty stupid. You can be bisexual and be with opposite gender or same gender. It's not making a choice, you just happened to end up falling for an X gender. You can still be attracted to other genders.

Just proves that person is an utter idiot.

Wow, I'm sorry you had to witness that. I thought this kind of behavior was already dying out with the newer generation. Guess not.

if it's any consolation, these types of comments are more often than not born out of ignorance (they don't know how bisexuality actually works but like hell they will admit that) and insecurity (the need to put down other people to make themselves feel better)

God, that's frustrating. So, what, if you're going out with someone with blonde hair, that means you've 'made your choice' and can never be attracted to a brunette, right. Because that totally makes sense.

I think you're totally justified in feeling offended.

No it's definitely offensive, it would have made me angry to the point that I would have said something even to people I wasn't out to (I'd probably just use phrasing that didn't refer to myself as a bisexual but general examples.)

What's sad is I even come across this attitude in the gay community, I've had people tell me they think "X person is not really bi" and that they're really gay but just afraid to fully come out about it (which does happen from time to time but it's still no reason to judge all bi people that way.)

I will never "make a choice". I will always be attracted to both men and women, suck it society.

I'd side-eye those people so bad, ngl. Doesn't matter if they were my friends.

You could have just explained to them what bisexuality actually is because I actually did your research, unlike people who spew out BS about things they don't know about. (Because clearly, they don't.)

Nope, that's basically a "[monogamous] bisexuals don't exist" argument. Hell, I'm pan and poly, and there have been huge stretches of my life when all of my partners have been cis dudes, simply because I'm picky about certain personality traits, and the way my life has worked out meant there weren't that many women around with them.

I'd have snarked at them big time, but then I don't really care about that particular closet anymore.

Ugh, I'm sorry to hear about that. You're definitely not nuts. That would really frustrate and upset me, too.

I hate the assumption that bisexuals can't be monogamous, or that our orientation somehow depends on who we happen to be in a relationship with. Bisexuality doesn't mean indecision.

Mostly, attitudes like that just frustrate me. But I know I internalized them for a long time, too, even though I knew, in a rational sense, that they're bullshit. After coming out as bisexual, I spent a long time downplaying my attraction to men.

I think I would have likely said something, but to be honest, I'm not sure. Situations like that can be really uncomfortable, and I think it can be hard to speak up sometimes when people are saying stuff about a group that you belong to. It can be a really vulnerable feeling. So I don't blame you for being blindsided and not knowing how to react.

Again, sorry to hear you encountered that.

What the hell. Just when I thought I found the stupid limit. I'm not bisexual and I probably would've chewed them out for it.

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