fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2059 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2059 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 045 secrets from Secret Submission Post #294.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Okay, how should I bring this up with him? I can't just call him and tell him: "We need to talk; I'm not dumping you, but you might be dumping me."

I'm clearly confused and IRL I have a habit of rambling when I'm nervous, so I'd rather do this over text, but I don't think that's fair towards him.

No, this is definitely an in-person type of conversation.

Plan it out ahead of time. Write down what you want to say, go over it until you've got the right words and hit all the points you wanted. Take anything out that's self effacing or negative; try to keep on point without any extra rambling or negative self talk. Keep going over it until you're comfortable with what you're going to say, then call or write or text him and schedule a time to talk - maybe let him know that it's going to be a heavy talk so make sure you have plenty of time. DO NOT go with "but you might be dumping me" or any self negative type of "humor".

If you want even bring a paper with what you've prepared just to keep yourself on track and off of rambling.

Good luck!

i suppose you might want to start with asking him how important sex is to him. if he expresses interest in having sex in the future, mention that you don't see that same future for you. i would recommend making sure to add that it's not him that's caused this, it's just how you are for everybody, and that you still love him romantically.

some aces are in open relationships to accommodate non-ace partners. other aces will have sex despite not getting much out of it, also as a way of compromise. but overall if you don't want to have sex, that's the end of that discussion completely. hopefully he'll be okay with this, but if he's not that's understandable too.

It's a hard topic to bring up, and I'm afraid I don't have any easy answers for that. But something you might want to consider is writing a letter. Have the conversation in person, but bring the letter as well and give it to him at the start of the conversation. You can either have him read the letter first, then talk from there, or you can have the talk and tell him to read the letter afterward in case there's anything you forgot to mention because you were nervous.

If I was in your shoes, I'd talk to him (face to face) and just try to explain that you've thought about it and come to the conclusion that sex just doesn't really interest you but that you still care about him and understand that, if sex is important to him, that it might be that you both want different things and maybe it would work out for the better if you were just friends?

Also, please don't feel so pressurised to label or define yourself to anyone. I mean, if it helps you to figure out who you are then sure, go for it, but honestly? There's no hurry and it works out better to go at your own pace and figure yourself out in a way that doesn't make you feel confined to behave in ways dictated to you by a label that you've branded yourself with.

That second paragraph got a bit ranty, sorry! Anyway, all the best and I hope things work out for you. :)

[ SECRET POST #2059 ]

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