[ SECRET POST #2082 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2082 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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03.
[Fate/Zero]


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04.


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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]












05. [SPOILERS for Journey Into Mystery/Everything Burns]



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06. [SPOILERS for Avengers]



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07. [SPOILERS for Sweeney Todd]



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08. [SPOILERS]



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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]














09. [WARNING for depression/suicide]

[Wilby Wonderful (2004)]


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10. [WARNING for abuse]

[True Blood]


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11. [WARNING for rape]



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12. [WARNING for suicide/self-harm]

[Alex Gaskarth/All Time Low]


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13. [WARNING for abuse]



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14. [WARNING for abuse/bullying]



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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #297.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ],.
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

13. [WARNING for abuse]
http://i49.tinypic.com/2vseo1c.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

Same. I don't know what to do about it. I wish there was a "how-to" out there for learning to be turned off by dangerous relationships.

[(Anonymous)]

It's called thinking. Try it sometime.

*braces for a load of BS about 'you can't helllppp how you feeeel'. You can.

[(Anonymous)]

NA

That's not how fantasy works or should work, and given that the OP is clearly differentiating between her personal fantasies and the reality she works with, I'd say she's doing just fine. I feel sad for you if you can't enjoy anything in media except the things you enjoy in real life. It sounds really limiting.

[(Anonymous)]

With the way that fandom demonizes Stefan I wonder sometimes if Damon really is the bad boy in this series?

(I'm sorry, but I do not see how Stefan's approach of "I trust you and let you make your own decisions" is manipulative.)

[(Anonymous)]

I wish more people in fandom realize that Damon and Stefan are equally terrible in different ways.

The thing with Stefan (and this is coming from someone who isn't a Stelena or Delena shipper and wants Elena to say 'fuck you I'm gone' to the pair of them) is that he's so good at lying to everyone. He may say he'll go along with something someone wants, but he has no problem going behind that person's back and undermining them.

But yeah, both Damon and Stefan are the worst.

[(Anonymous)]

In which specific situations did Stefan do this?

[elaminator]

Oh man, I love bad boys and good boys. Usually I end up liking the good guy much better in the long run, but the bad ones can be fun too.

And they don't have to be abusive! Though I get where you're coming from and what you're saying. IDK about everyone else but there's about 0% chance I would ever date a 'bad boy' IRL. Some things are appealing in theory, but in reality aren't what you're looking for.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think it's that big a deal, as long as you can tell fiction from reality. Like you said, that's often harder than it looks. The really important thing is making people aware that some actions are not acceptable outside fiction. (See also the video games/violence debate).

[stainless]

Life doesn't work like theory. As I see it, the harm is not in finding things exciting, but in not understanding the difference between fantasy and reality.

(I don't work as a DV-related counselor, but in my field I do frequently help people who have had DV in their history. So while I may not be as knowledgable as you, I am someone who has dealt fairly frequently with people dealing with it or whose pasts include it, not someone who's just talking out her rear end.)

[(Anonymous)]

The problem is when the fantasy is presented as (ideal) reality, and other alternatives aren't prominent. This is a problem with porn too. If you're young and naive, you might think those behaviours/images are realistic and sensible and just-what-you-do.

Which is NOT to say censorship is an answer, but Jesus fuck we need alternatives, and we need them EVERYWHERE. Feminism, huh?

[stainless]

Which is NOT to say censorship is an answer, but Jesus fuck we need alternatives, and we need them EVERYWHERE.

*agree*

[countess_k]

It could be because in most media (including the show referenced by the pic) the nice guy is also the boring guy. Fictional bad boys are always more interesting because they create better drama. Sadly it's drama you shouldn't want in real life. Although it isn't necessarily media's influence that causes victims to get attached to assholes. A lot of those whom I have talked to on the crisis line had little to no access to such material yet the desire to make the wrong choice was within them.

[(Anonymous)]

It could be because in most media (including the show referenced by the pic) the nice guy is also the boring guy. Fictional bad boys are always more interesting...

Yup. And this trope is so pervasive (and has been for such a long time) a lot of people, especially in fandom, don't even realize it's a trope. This reminds me so much of a quote from Simone Weil:

"Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating."

[(Anonymous)]

Word. There should be a how-to manual for safe relationships and unacceptable behaviour.

[citrinesunset]

I agree that the way characters like this are presented, and the prominence of them, can send a bad message. And I'm sure some people enjoy tropes like this because they buy into what they suggest on some level.

But it's also possible to enjoy something in fiction but not in real life. And sometimes tropes and kinks are appealing partly because they have to do with something that's dangerous or "wrong."

So in short, I think it's valid to criticize the trope of the "bad boy" character who's romanticized, and criticize the way it's executed and the messages that execution sends. But that doesn't mean that every individual who finds bad boys hot has an unhealthy view of relationships.

[nyxelestia]

The problem isn't the existence of this kind of media, but the lack of mass media literacy. Kids aren't taught from early on that "just because it's fun in fiction doesn't mean it's a good role model of reality". If they are taught that at the beginning - as many kids are, just by virtue of being in reality often enough - then they are fine. It's kids whose realities are similar to the media in a negative way or kids who just live off media and don't realize how wrong/not-real-life it is that become the problem.

Honestly, shit like this needs to be taught in schools. Save the intricacies of advanced mathematical concepts and literary analysis and shit for later, kids have been watching TV and movies and other crap from birth. Once they hit school you're already behind, and the fact that some kids don't get taught critical thinking in a way that applies to media until high school or college (if ever) is probably what's screwing us up so much in the first place. >.<

/rant

[darkmanifest]

This is so damn true. It'd be great if people learned from an early age how to examine media subtext and verify data independently, and it'd be even more effective to do by using topics they're already interested in. But there's this attitude that there's nothing useful to be learned using mass media and therefore it should be ignored, forgetting how impossible that is. Either we'll be taught how to take it apart or we'll absorb it without even realizing it.

[nyxelestia]

To be quite frank, most kids are watching a lot more TV, video games, movies, and other media than they are reading books. I mean, we can wish all we want that they read more, but they don't and ignoring that will only lead to them having no clue how to parse through the media they are absorbing the most and eventually losing taste for the one form of media they are being taught to analyze.

[silverau]

This is a good comment.

My mom always liked to analyze media for the messages it was sending, and though she usually didn't act like she was consciously trying to teach me, I think it did me a lot of good. If I ever I have kids you bet I will be analyzing their ears off about the shows they watch.

[nyxelestia]

I think I got lucky in that my 6th grade teacher taught us quite a bit about 'behind-the-scenes' production of advertising and movies and stuff. It was part of a health class, but it was taught in such a way that made many of us highly critical of all media in all contexts after that point.

It didn't seem that difficult for her to do. Why is this not a thing in our schools? :(

Are you Me?

[(Anonymous)]

Seriously- very similar boat. I've thought about making a secret almost exactly like this! I talk all the time about healthy relationships in my work, about unhealthy expectations, about the "bad boy" tough guise, about rape... I've beat myself up for loving this show. For loving Damon. For writing fic. For being a hypocrite. And yet I just can't help myself. I'm drawn this type of character over and over- Damon especially! VTD is my very favorite show- and I love it. I want Damon to be just as bad as he wants to be and I want him to be with Elena. I know its wrong.