fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2086 ]

[ SECRET POST #2086 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2086 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #298.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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15. http://i.imgur.com/Lotpu.png

Speaking as someone with severe depression, your wanting to help and asking what you can do is the best anyone can ask for. No one will actually understand anyone's individual experience with mental illness.

I agree, you can't completely understand anyone's personal experience and the most you can do is try to be supportive. Be glad you don't have any of these issues; life can be difficult enough without them.

Mental illness is not a thing you want to have, I assure you.

The pain of not having enough pain is still pain, young man.

Seriously though, just being there, wanting to help, and listening is a pretty good start to helping people out. Not having had depression or w/e is probably okay and not something to see as a regret or a disadvantage.

The pain of not having enough pain is still pain, young man I really , really hope you're being sarcastic.

it is a community reference

unfortunately there's apparently no clip on the internet but yeah, it's a community reference, from the episode where Troy pretends to have had a traumatic childhood in acting class to impress Britta

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-09-19 15:20 (UTC) - Expand

dude just be thankful for what you [dont] have, trust me on this one

All my fandom friends are suicidal rape survivors with mental disorders. Me, I'm a pretty boring person. It makes me wonder if I'm a magnet for troubled people or something.

Nah, I'd say you just have a greater chance of meeting people like this because fandom is often used as an escape.

(no subject)

hiyami - 2012-09-19 06:24 (UTC) - Expand

Yup. Wondering the same thing, tbh.

Honestly, no, you don't wish you were like them.

It might help you understand them better, yes, but it would make your life more miserable.

I think it's possible to understand enough about depression and mental illness by reading about and talking to people who deal with it. You don't need to suffer through it yourself.

It's nice that you want to help, but you can help by just being there and asking people about it (when appropriate to do so) and having your friends just knowing you're there for them and want to help.

That you want to offer support is enough imo. Awesome too ♥

"I'm really sorry to hear that. If you want to talk, I'm available."

The best thing you can do is show them that their voices aren't going unheard. I've only posted about my issues when things have been really bad and I'm feeling terribly alone. If your friends are similar, just showing them that you're around and you care is all they really need.

(For the record, the worst thing you can do is pay attention to all their fandom posts/tweets/whatever and then ignore the ones pertaining to their issues. The second-worst thing you can do is say something like, "I wish I knew how you felt!")

"I'm really sorry to hear that. If you want to talk, I'm available."

Also? Listen carefully and try to see their perspective. A lot of what's hard for someone with "issues" might seem easy and natural for you. They'll also probably be rather self-conscious about it.

But seriously, I'd much rather have advice from someone who is NOT as fucked up as I am, it kinda defeats the point.

Except if you try to be supportive or suggest solutions to their issues, they never answer and never seem to acknowledge it. Basically nothing seems to help.

I've had many people like that on my f-list, and after a while I just stopped trying. I've had to deal with depression in my family and the lesson I took from it is that you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped, they'll just try to drown you with them.

No. The last thing you want is to try to offer them advice if your mind isn't in a very good place, itself. It has a high risk of altering how you think and reason.

Just offer them some stability. Be an ear. Suggest (not demand) things from a more sensible point of view.
If you think they need psychiatric help, try to point them in the right direction.
Just be there for them.

Oh, honey, no.

Be glad that you don't have a mental disorder, it's hell. Listening is the best you can do, and if they're asking you and keep asking you that means they want your specific perspective and opinion on it. It sounds kind of bad, but sometimes you need advice from someone who isn't exactly sure where you're at, because you don't need to hear it from someone with baggage; you need to hear it from someone answering for you.

Don't wish that you were like them. If you don't have any seeming mental illnesses, that's a good thing.

I find that most fandom people use mental illnesses as fodder for their 'special snowflake syndrome' so when people declare that they have 'such and such' disorder I tend to take it with a grain of salt.

Just lending an ear to a person can be a lot of help, and encouraging them to get professional help is good too. Maybe you could do research on mental disorders and read accounts by other people? There's a lot of good memoirs/general books that can explain to you what mental illness is like.

Don't wish mental illness on yourself, though. It's a miserable thing to deal with, and you're never clear of worrying about relapse, and it can fuck up your whole life. Be empathetic, but also be grateful that you don't have to deal with it.

Ugh. ALL of this. I even have my own severe issues and feel like this.

Same.. but I also wonder, how many of my rl friends have some kind of issue they're just not open about because it's more difficult to be honest about these things in rl than online?

Worth thinking about.

Why to we get a "Why, oh why am I so normal? my diamond shoes are too tight!!!!" secret every month?

No, I really don't think you're being fair. It is REALLY hard when you care and you do SO MUCH to help your friends who have issues and you try to make their lives a bit easier, but you feel nothing is enough and nothing works and nothing makes a tieniest bit of difference.

If you have a problem and you're suffering, don't you think those who care for you, those who are close to you suffer with you in a way? No, they're of course not having the exact same problem you have and they're not feeling that exact same problem in the exact magnitude, but it affects them emotionally in other ways, believe me.

And this whole "How dare you mention that you have some problems too, they're not valid because they're not severe enough and not a mental illness or social disadvantage, don't you dare say that you're hurting because I'm hurting" attitude is actually really hurtful. And it makes it hard to not get angry and to stay friends, but you end up doing it anyway, because hey, they have problems, so maybe it's alright for them to accept your help and then be angry at you and treat you like shit for having emotions yourself. And you know what? If you have someone who is like that for you and who sticks around no matter how you treat them, you're really fucking lucky and even if you have issues, don't think you're the only one in this world feeling like shit.

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