[ SECRET POST #2095 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2095 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 020 secrets from Secret Submission Post #299.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Goofus masturbates in a movie theater, uncaring of the people around him.

Gallant waits until he gets home to masturbate.

[(Anonymous)]

+1

[(Anonymous)]

I think I love you. A+ comment.

[spicandspan89.livejournal.com]

Let's hear it for Gallant, folks!

[elephantinegrace]

I just spat Nutella-flavored milk everywhere. I hope you're happy.

[spicandspan89.livejournal.com]

Nutella-flavoured milk??

[anonymouslyyours]

Brillance. In winter you can heat it up and have it instead of hot chocolate. It's fantastic in coffee too. I tried it once when we were out of honey and haven't went back yet unless I'm having a day where I don't want sweetened coffee.

Nutella milkshakes are also the bombdiggity.

[spicandspan89.livejournal.com]

Ooh. I'll have to give it a try.

[elephantinegrace]

It's actually laziness; I didn't want to get out of bed early enough to make a Nutella and honey and banana sandwich or get cereal for the milk I poured, so I decided I'd just dump a glob of Nutella into the bowl of milk and heat that up until I could stir everything together.

Or you could say I'm brilliant. I have no objections to that.

[spicandspan89.livejournal.com]

lol. Either way it sounds tasty!

[elephantinegrace]

It is! Except, don't forget about it and leave half of it in the refrigerator all day, 'cause then it gets stale.

And hooray for more secret-derealment...deraelment...derelment...oh, screw this, I'm gonna get bananas and make that NHB.

[truxillogical]

No, laziness was the week or so of post-job depression when eating Nutella straight out of the jar like pudding sounded like the best idea ever, because dangit, I don't want to leave the flat and walk to the store. Or anywhere. Ever.

(It wore off. I ran out of Nutella.)

[fingalsanteater]

I once wrote a Goofus and Gallant shower masturbation joke but no one knew what I was talking about. Hooray! You do! I extrapolated that Gallant was too straight-edge to masturbate. Goofus was a perverted fuck-up.

Thus:

Goofus jerks off into his sister's shampoo while thinking about her tits.

Gallant washes efficiently, but quickly, to avoid sinful temptations.

Regarding the movies:

Goofus jerks off in a crowded theater and wipes his semen on the seat next to him. He tells his friends loudly "Didja get a look at Black Widow's ass?!"

Gallant watches the movie attentively and quietly and discusses its merits and flaws with his friends afterward.

The last one isn't mine.

[insanenoodlyguy]

Goofus wipes off on the sheets. Gallant brings a towel.

Goofus figures "Fat bitch still has a cunt." Gallant enjoys all body types because he is primarily into the mind.

Goofus knows the female orgasm is a myth. Gallant has a tongue that could get work in the stamp factory.

Goofus has "accidents". Gallant never attempts anal sex without lube and plenty of foreplay and forewarning.

Goofus thanks his lucky fucking starts Mrs. Pred is so damaged. Gallant reports sexual molestation to his principal.

Goofus says "the tease ordered the fucking steak" as the police drag him off. Gallant has his partners sign a consent contract before any intimate action.

Goofus checks the kitchen for cellophane wrap. Gallant always has at least one condom on hand.

Why didn't anybody link to this classic?

[(Anonymous)]

http://verywrongslash.livejournal.com/507.html

Gallant is Aroused; Goofus is Horny by Dave Doty

[(Anonymous)]

Highlights in the dentist's office throughout my entire childhood, hell yeah. XD