fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2095 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2095 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 020 secrets from Secret Submission Post #299.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

People respond to different tactics and you can't always tell which will work from a secret. Who is to say tough love wouldn't work where coddling, sympathizing and normalizing the behavior doesn't?

Cards on table: I'm the OP of the secret. I didn't make this secret for other people to chime in and make me feel better. I made this secret because I dislike the fact I'm this way and was kind of hoping someone else overcame the same experience or at least had good advice.

While ING's comment isn't motivating me or addressing my issues I'm not off in the corner weeping over it. I don't even disagree with what he said or find him without empathy.

Well snap anon, you made this complicated. Honestly, I don't mind having people react to me... but I don't wanna take away from the actual discussion by making it about me? Bizzare reaction from a guy who's out to cause wank half the time, but I'd rather people wank about my points? Mind you, this wasn't a troll post or anything. I do stand by what I said.

I know what my fanfic is. Hell, half my stuff is prefaced by "this sucks" and I'm not completely convinced it doesn't.

But when you write, you write for two people. Yourself and everybody else. And once you share with everybody else, there's a part of that work that isn't yours, not anymore.

Sometimes we wish we could take it back. Sometimes we regret writing it. (especially looking back at some of my teenager writing, holy shit is that embarassing)

But one thing we shouldn't fear is that we might become well received. I imagine yoru fear was born either out of anxiety from attention itself, or because you feared popularity would come with standards? Even if that one rec'd fic is the best thing you ever put out, fuck it, you did one good thing! And have you seen some of the popular shit out there? I guarantee you something that nobody has any business liking that your stuff is head and tails above is getting more popularity then you ever will!

But you wont' know unless you try. If nothing else, I'd hope you at least continue writing for yourself. There can be something cathartic and healing about that and I hope your experiences haven't put you off writing itself.

Though I for one would love to see your stuff, so I hope you also grow that pair and put out something for the rest of us sometime. :P

I still haven't worked out all the reasons for my reaction, most of what I have figured out so far are pretty strange and are internalized from my childhood. I'm not actually embarrassed by my work on an objective, logical level. I do still write well-received fills for kinkmemes because I do enjoy the writing, the feedback, and giving other people enjoyment.

I actually made this secret because I'm working on something for biohazardgirl and as much as I'm loving what I'm doing I'm also ill with the thought of posting it under even this sock account. I've been feeling a little off all week just thinking about it and was kind of hoping something I read here or just getting it off my chest would help.

It kind of worked? I'm a little surprised I copped to the secret but doing so made me accept that this is a part of my behavior and acknowledging a problem always helps me deal with it.

Well, if you can write for yourself, you can post a secret for yourself! Good that it helped then.

I WILL REC THE SHIT OUT OF IT IF IT'S NOT HORRIBLE.

There. Your fear is being realized! Now you can own it. Or run away screaming.

Then again... Most of the people who like me on here are the people who'd read it anyway, so that might not be a good shock-therapy threat.

Yeah, I'd guess part of the problem is that it being objectively recognised as "good" and becoming popular contradicts some "rule" about yourself that you internalised in childhood? And breaking these rules always makes us anxious, because we think bad things will happen, or we'll be cast adrift with no map.

It's okay: I do understand. But once you recognise what the rule is, you can start analysing it, see who made you think it was true, see the evidence in your life that contradicts it, and slowly start pushing yourself to deliberately break the rule and see that nothing bad happens. Or that even the bad things that do happen at not catastrophic, and you can cope with them.

But be gentle with yourself. Keep pushing to break rules, but don't beat yourself up over them, and give yourself little rewards (like doing something cosy and relaxing) for your work, because it will make you anxious at first.

Um, not to butt in or anything, but when a writer prefaces something with 'this sucks' and I read it (which I usually will if it has an interesting enough premise), I always feel a little stupid if I end up really liking it. Self-deprecation is one thing, denigration is quite another.

Instead of feeling stupid you should just act the way you would if someone other than the writer said that it sucked. Basically just think to yourself, "Ha! You're wrong and I'm right, it was awesome."

[ SECRET POST #2095 ]

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