fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2120 ]

[ SECRET POST #2120 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2120 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 069 secrets from Secret Submission Post #303.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - random image ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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03. http://i.imgur.com/htgXF.gif

Hoo boy. So both of you are the kind that hate themselves and think the other is so amazing. If you are of compatible gender/sexual preferences...

JUST FUCK ALREADY.

Odds are good it will be disappointing but also fulfilling, and maybe you'll both humanize each other a little more.

This secret could have been written by my ex. I recommend not fucking. Or fucking but leaving it at that.

I never said they should get together... rather:

Edited 2012-10-22 23:49 (UTC)

Korean, Chinese American employed by TSA seized, ate premature baby parents claim

Trying to troll by being absurd is just sad anon.

Maybe it's his/her performance art?

Re: 0/10

(Anonymous) - 2012-10-23 11:04 (UTC) - Expand

This is the worst possible idea tbqh

That is actually the worst idea possible. Having been in a situation very similar to what OP was in the past... yeah. Fucking won't make it better, it will make it worse. Both OP and her friend actually talking about things and maybe putting a bit of distance between themselves occasionally so they can work out their issues without relying too heavily on someone else to fix them will do wonders that fucking cannot.

I'm sorry you feel bad and all, but this isn't really a fandom secret... maybe you should start a blog or something? (I suppose just telling that person how you feel is out of the question.)

Karkat Is That You

BUT IT'S NOT IN ALL CAPS

That sounds like a wildly unhealthy relationship. I don't say that to be mean-- it's just that the way you word this makes me think you see your relationship as somehow romantic because of this codependency. And I just want you to know that it's not; it's incredibly toxic.

This, all of this right here. This is a completely unhealthy, obsessive relationship.

I'm reading this as a love letter to oneself and none of you can convince me otherwise

I'm in a friendship like this with someone right now. We bonded over mutual fandom, and to her credit, she told me that she had a tendency to get clingy, which I accepted and was fine with, under the stipulation that we would always keep all channels of conversation open and if either of us ever felt uncomfortable, we would talk about it and get things sorted out.

I love her, I really do. She's one of my best friends.

But she is driving me insane.

I won't tl;dr and bore you all to death, but needless to say our stipulation did not work and every time I've tried to explain that I want to do things off the internet/I talk to other people sometimes/I don't necessarily share all her fandoms/I feel as though she can be stifling at times and I'd like to talk about that, it turns into an explosive fight where I end up feeling like she's accusing me of cheating on her or abandoning her, as ridiculous as that is.

So I suppose the point I'm trying to make is, I'm glad you're aware of your clingy nature, and it's not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself, but please please please always try to stay level-headed and be able to discuss things like a rational person, and try not to get into these spirals of pity/guilt that get neither of you anywhere but miserable. Remember that you're both people with unique and equally valid feelings; communication is key in any healthy relationship, friendship or otherwise!

Ugh, I was in a friendship that was exactly like this. If I even dared to go talk to someone else about anything I was abandoning her, cheating on her. She would repeatedly keep falling in love with me and I'd have to insist that she put those feelings aside because I didn't feel the same way. If I didn't text her back right away I was making her feel like shit.

It was totally unhealthy, and in a way abusive and finally I just had to end it. I do miss her as a friend sometimes, but I sure as hell wouldn't go back to her.

ayrt

I've been wondering, honestly, if I'm going to need to do the same thing. I'd hate to, but my own emotional health is suffering drastically, and I don't know what else I can do. The problem is that I'm more or less the only person she speaks to, and I would feel like I was abandoning her. I'd suggest that we put a little space between us, but that would be just as bad to her as saying we should never speak again.

See, lol, even now I'm going around in circles and my anxiety's flaring. I'm not sure how much more of this I can really do.

As an answer to your mullings: yes, you're going to have to do the same thing. It's the only way this will end.

You are not responsible for her mental health and social well-being, no matter how tragic and alone she seems to be. You CAN'T be responsible. All she's doing is draining you both. Get out now.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-10-23 04:43 (UTC) - Expand

I'm the anon that replied to you above. And yes, you will have to just break it off completely.

We had fought at one point and I tried to break off the friendship at that time, but then we talked and she insisted that she would change and that we'd work on our issues, that all the stuff that happened in the past was water under the bridge. Things seemed to be okay for a few days. But then a week later she reverted back to her previous behavior and I finally had enough. After a very pissy text exchange and a discussion online, I stopped talking to her completely.

I felt the same way as you do now, because she didn't have many friends and she admittedly had friend abandonment issues, but for your own mental and emotional health, you have to do it.

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(Anonymous) - 2012-10-23 22:22 (UTC) - Expand

I had this problem with a friend too. She would guilt me into picking up her calls by saying she was unstable and depressed and that if I didn't pick up her calls something bad might happen. Now I'm dating someone who calls me three times in a row if I don't pick up my phone and it freaks me the fuck out because it reminds me of my old friend. I know my boyfriend isn't similarly unstable, but it just gives me really unwanted flashbacks and I have a lot of trauma from my friendship with this girl, so it's.... always a little unnerving when I see those 3 missed calls.

Re: da

wauwy - 2012-10-23 04:13 (UTC) - Expand

Seconding this, and you worded it better than I could.

I was a dependent friend, and in her own way, I think a friend of mine was too. We kind of ruined each other. If you feel that attached to someone then you need to take a step back, even talk to someone else about it, and try to branch out. This doesn't mean your friendship will fall apart. Having a healthy distance will probably /strengthen/ it. Then you can appreciate the time you have together, and stop worrying about it as much as you clearly are.

No one, not even the most deeply attached people, can stand each other 24/7, and every single person including you needs some space in order to function. When it's at a point where you don't feel like it's fair if you do things separately, you are going to start strangling each other mentally and emotionally.

Is it bad that this secret totally seems to me like something that would appear in an internal Tony-POV monologue that's part of a Cap/Tony fic? Because it totally does. It really, really does.

Get a therapist.

This level of obsession with/attachment to ANY person in ANY relationship is deeply, deeply unhealthy and borderline dangerous. It's not tragically romantic and it's not some sign that your connection is ~so pure and true~ or what have you. It's unhealthy and borderline dangerous, the end. Get a therapist and disconnect those tendrils.

So much this. It'll just end up making you both incredibly miserable, if not worse, in the end. Healthy relationships involve recognizing that the other person has a life separate to your own and that's okay.

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