fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2178 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2178 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Leverage]

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03.

[The Bloggess]

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04.

[Jahmene Douglas/Nicole Scherzinger and James Arthur/Nicole - UK XFactor 2012]

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05.

[Left 4 Dead]

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06.

[Community]

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07.

[The Tribe - Alice&Lex]

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08.

[The Perks of Being a Wallflower]

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09.

[Bioshock Infinite]

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10.

[Inception]

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11.

[Cassandra Clare]

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12.

[Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures]

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13.

[Disney's Sleeping Beauty]

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14.

[Homestuck]

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15.

[xxxHOLiC]

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16.

[Sherlock]

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17.

[Boktai]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 038 secrets from Secret Submission Post #311.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - ships it ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You're not a dick for feeling like you can't be attracted to him as a guy. Some people are simply attracted only to one gender, and even if you were bisexual or pansexual, that's no guarantee that you'd be able to fall for someone as a girl and then have no problem being attracted to them as a buy. I'm bisexual and genderqueer, and I don't think it would be a simple transition for me.

If you know this is a deal breaker for you, then breaking up is probably best. It'll hurt, but it's probably better to do it now than to deal with resentment down the line. Otherwise, if you did want to try to make it work, I'd recommend sitting down with you partner and talking honestly about what you both need, and if they can be compatible. Do you know what he plans to do in terms of transitioning, and have you thought about how it might affect (or not affect) your attraction to him? Is your problem more with the psychological angle (don't want to be with someone who is male), or is the physical what's bothering you (don't want to be with someone who looks male)? Things like that can make a difference. It might also help to talk to other people who identify as gay/lesbian or straight and stayed with a partner who decided to transition.

You do sound a little insensitive in how you describe your partner's coming out (chances are, this isn't something he just "decided"), and use female pronouns for him. Even if you can't be his girlfriend anymore (which is understandable), I think it's important to recognize how he sees himself and try to show him that respect.

Edited 2012-12-20 01:25 (UTC)

First off, I'm a guy. Secondly, it's not that I'm trying to be disrespectful or anything. It's just that I've got two years of together and a year of knowing each other before that, and two DAYS of "I think I shoulda been a guy." So, when I think of her, I still think of HER, and that's what I'm talking about. And it doesn't help that here in about 15 minutes there's going to be this big dinner party thing where all I can think about is THIS and all s/he says is "they don't know yet so don't say anything."

This sucks balls.

I don't think I implied you were female anywhere? Sorry if I did. (When I said "fall for someone as a girl," I was referring to your partner's gender.)

And no, I understand what you're saying, and it can be very hard to change how you see someone after you've known them for a while. It's a big adjustment.

Honestly, since this has come up very recently, you probably both need time to process this. Again, if you already know it's over, then it's over. You have to do what you have to do to be happy. But your partner might be still figuring this out for themselves, and it might not hurt to take a little time to see where things are going. Again, it comes down to what you both want in the long run, and if you guys can be compatible. Right now, it could be too soon to tell, and it's probably a good idea to at least get over the initial emotions before you make a major decision.

Even if you can't be his girlfriend anymore...

Also, you seem to be totally disregarding the fact that he's heterosexual.

Oh, whoops. I obviously wasn't thinking. (Usually, when I hear about things like this, it involves lesbian relationships where one partner comes out as FTM, so I think I'm stuck in that mode.)

And no, I'm not disregarding the OP's heterosexuality. Not sure how you get that at all. The reality is, this is a complicated situation, and some people have chosen to stay with trans partners even though they still identify as straight or gay/lesbian. It's not a one-size-fits-all situation, and it depends on the people and how they relate to gender when it comes to attraction. Right now, he's only just learned about this, and we really don't know that much about the OP or his partner. Breaking up with a partner of two years is a big deal. There's nothing wrong with leaving his partner because he's straight, but I do think it's hard to make a decision in the midst of the initial emotions, and that it might help to talk and figure out exactly where they both stand.

Oh, another thing:

One thing I would caution you about: I have seen situations where a relationship worked out for a while, but then became strained when the trans partner decided to physically transition. So it can be worth keeping the future in mind, and how different things like that might affect your feelings further.

This is what happened to my husband and me when I transitioned. We were okay at first but the physical transition changed things. We're not together anymore (in process of divorce right now) because physical intimacy in a marriage or any relationship where you live together isn't just sexual. He was unnerved by my male body and I became uncomfortable even changing my clothes around him because of it. Sharing a bed was out of the question, and ultimately we just became two guys who were friends with a history we can't really explain to people instead of the romantic couple we had been.

[ SECRET POST #2178 ]

Re: Girlfriend wants to be my boyfriend

OP

Re: OP

Not OP

Re: Not OP

Re: OP

Re: OP