[ SECRET POST #2194 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2194 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[The Hobbit]


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03.
[Good Omens / Girls Next Door]


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04.


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05.
[The Hobbit, Thorin Oakenshield]


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06.


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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]














07. [SPOILERS for Wreck-it Ralph]
http://www.abload.de/img/974137-king_candywrecfbk7z.png
[linked because porn, illustrated]


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08. [SPOILERS for The Office]



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09. [SPOILERS for Monsters, Inc.]



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10. [SPOILERS for The Hobbit]



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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]
















11. [WARNING for incest]



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12. [WARNING for suicide]

[One Direction]


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13. [WARNING for shotacon]



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14. [WARNING for sexual harassment?]



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15. [WARNING for depression, suicide]



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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #313.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

15. [WARNING for depression, suicide]
http://i.imgur.com/FEC26.png

[(Anonymous)]

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I don't exactly have the most exciting life or anything and use fandom as a bit of escapism for that, but sometimes I feel like the only person who doesn't have anything serious going on. I'm just bored a lot and fandom is fun. There are people who have *so much* staked in fandoms and even say it saved their lives and stuff, and I just can't imagine fandom ever having that effect on me. Not judging people who do, obviously, because I spend TONS of time in fandom and it does mean a lot to me, I just think I experience fandom differently from a lot of people. I take it seriously, but it hasn't changed my life or made me feel better about myself or anything. Feel like I'm doing it wrong sometimes, but it really is just an extremely fun (and time-consuming!) hobby.

[(Anonymous)]

Eh, you're not doing it wrong. You choose your own level of involvement.

[shahrizai]

When I was 14-ish, I took fandom that seriously, but since finishing high school it's just become a hobby. I don't get emotionally attached to people in fandom and the drama just reminds me of school. I wonder how old a lot of suicidal people in fandom are.

[(Anonymous)]

Anywhere ranging from teens to older adults. Suicidal tendencies are not just a teenage problem and it doesn't have anything to do with how seriously you do or do not take fandom.

[shahrizai]

But I think the demographics of fandom contain more of the teens/young adults that talk about it as a cry for attention.

Not belittling suicidal people at all - I have my own mental illnesses - I just feel there's more cases of the aforementioned type.

[nyxelestia]

I think a lot of it depends on the fandom. Some of them are full of teens, and thus will have a lot of kids who talk about suicide as a cry for attention largely as a product of their age, while others will have a more diverse demographic in which suicidal tendencies will be more rare, but also more likely to be serious considerations rather than attention grabs.

[(Anonymous)]

I feel like I've said this before on here but maybe you need to find a different corner of fandom and take a break from your current fandom friends.

This is coming from a suicidal person who really tries not to mix that shit in with fandom, it doesn't belong there. Yes my friends know but the only place I talk about this stuff is behind locked journals that only a few people have access to.

I also have depressed friends, and one of the biggest things I've learned in life is that it's okay to take a break from people for your own mental health. I used to struggle with that because I knew how it felt to be low and I wanted to be that person who could always be there for someone, but since I'm so fragile myself I learned that I'm of no good to anyone if I am just brought down with someone.

[(Anonymous)]

I know what you mean when you say 'it doesn't belong there' because fandom is, in theory, supposed to be fun and not srs business but I totally get why people share it there, when fandom has such a high proportion of people suffering from those sorts of issues and people are *generally* a lot more understanding than IRL.

Of course, needing to take a break from that is perfectly natural too. Sometimes I think people can bring people down without meaning to, but that goes for everyone, depressed or not, and getting out of a situation that's bringing you down is healthy in any situation.

[(Anonymous)]

Same anon. I think if you are in a locked community with a circle of friends you know, it's okay to bring it into fandom.

But I've been seeing some of this stuff come up on tumblr in a very public way and that scares me a bit. I'm not saying depressed people need to hide all their problems, I just don't think it's wise to bring it up in extremely public forums if you are already depressed because you don't know who could be looking at it and what they would say back to you.

When I was really low I brought it up here once anon in the general thread, and I got "just kill yourself already" comments. I was expecting troll comments so it didn't phase me, but if I had done that publicly, with my name attached? I don't know that I would have survived.

That's why I think it largely does not belong in fandom, I get that sometimes you cannot get that support IRL but you need to be careful where you share it online too.

[(Anonymous)]

Same anon.

Honestly, that sort of thing didn't even occur to me. How awful. I'm really sorry you got that sort of comment, that is just completely out of order, but I'm glad it didn't bother you in those circumstances. I do understand why people feel the need to share, but you're right that people need to be careful.

And, yeah, I don't really think people should attach their real names to fandom anyway, it doesn't seem like a good idea. Not publicly anyway.

[blueonblue]

I also have depressed friends, and one of the biggest things I've learned in life is that it's okay to take a break from people for your own mental health. I used to struggle with that because I knew how it felt to be low and I wanted to be that person who could always be there for someone, but since I'm so fragile myself I learned that I'm of no good to anyone if I am just brought down with someone.

This is true. It's ok to take a break and it's ok to take care of yourself.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm depressed most of the time and have thought about suicide in the past but would never tarnish my fandom by bringing it up there. The little bit of joy in my life is fandom and I don't want that. I do feel like my involvement in fandom has kept me from having a "real" real life and that makes me even more depressed.

[kallanda_lee]

As someone who was actually depressed/suicidal: It's awesome that you are being supportive and a good friend, but the fact that it is dragging you down is something you should monitor closely.

I still remember how much my problems impacted not only me, but the people around me. If you feel like it's become destructive or toxic for you: there is no shame in pulling out or lessening your involvement.

You need a place where you can unwind from your own troubles, too.

[(Anonymous)]

Depressed people can be really draining sometimes, and I say that as a depressed person who has been on both sides of this situation. You're just one person and there's only so much baggage you can take. Try to take a break from some of these people for a little while.

[insanenoodlyguy]

Find a new spot. I've been this guy, and it's fucking draining. You'll end up burned out if you stay, trust me. Only a matter of time.

[lunabee34]

+1

I completely agree with you.

I try to be a good friend and to be supportive of people, and I hope that others would agree with me that I am never cruel, but there are a handful of people I have had to back the fuck away from because their only interaction with me was to talk about the negativity in their lives. That kind of relationship is exhausting and toxic, particularly when the person claims to want help and then continually rejects any offers of help. :(

[nyxelestia]

Seconding the sentiment.

I've been on both sides of this, and if it's bringing you down, OP, pull out. Staying too long could hurt you in the long run (or at least ruin fandom for you, which it nearly did for me), and if this sort of thing ever got back to the people who you're trying to support, it can make things worse for them, too.

Try sticking to interactions only about fandom and avoid things that get too personal. It won't solve everything but it can at least help against the burn-out.

[hiyami]

Yup, this.

To be honest, anyway all the help you're trying to provide seems to either be completely useless, or to make things worse.

After a while I just decided that it was a waste of my time and energy, because you can't save people from themselves.

[(Anonymous)]

I know exactly how you feel, OP. I am fortunate enough to have no major mental or health problems, a steady source of income, and a stable home life, and sometimes I just feel so bad about them because so many people on my flist or dash have issues that I can't identify or help with. All you can do sometimes is just offer a listening ear, and when you hit your breaking point you just quietly back away. Hopefully you are not these people's only friend, so when you step back someone else will be able to step forward.

Sorry, OP. Hope it gets better for you.

[nynaeve_sedai]

Eh. I have depression that's treated. For me, fandom was an escape from the depression LOL.

I would say not to spend your time worrying. That sounds cold on the front end, but one thing I learned in therapy was that you can't solve people's problems (in fact, my therapist told me he couldn't solve my problems, what he wanted, instead, was for me to realize that I was the active participant in my reality and that I had the ability to make choices about how I interacted with my emotions). Once I learned that, I've found it way easier to deal with others that are also depressed. I feel free because I know that I can't make them *not* depressed. I also know I don't have power over their actions. So, like you, I listen, and then I encourage some healthy emotional habits (thanks DBT!) and then I go on doing what it is I'm' going to do. I care, but I don't feel weighed down.

If I'm feeling depressed, I write angsty fanfic. :D LOL

[(Anonymous)]

*gives you all the love ever*

but one thing I learned in therapy was that you can't solve people's problems (in fact, my therapist told me he couldn't solve my problems, what he wanted, instead, was for me to realize that I was the active participant in my reality and that I had the ability to make choices about how I interacted with my emotions).

when I reached that point, it was the most liberating feeling in the world. like you, I was then ready to help with others who are also depressed without finding myself being dragged down by trying to 'fix' them.

be their friend, don't be their therapist.

[(Anonymous)]

People, most people, have always got some kind of issues, that's just life. Maybe I'm in a weird world but almost all my friends/myself have struggled with varying degrees of mental stuff (depression, anxiety, to....). Life can be fuckin crazy, and I understand how frustrating it can be when people are struggling or it seems like there's a "negative" mood in the air.

I think what other people have said here is true- know that your not ness. "responsible" for someone and that it's fine to take a break/ emotionally detach yourself from the corner you're in for your own well being if you feel like you're getting dragged too far down.

Still, I think it should be said that you being accessible as a friend to someone who needs a helping hand is really fucking admirable. It means a lot when someone can talk to a friend about mental health stuff, esp. when they're outside of whatever current situation is happening. And even if they don't necessarily acknowledge it at the time.

I'm not saying that fandom is the best place for those discussions to take place. But also keep in mind that maybe fore some people, among fandom/internet friends may be one of the only places they feel "safe" enough to talk about their issues, or the place where they feel like they can reach out about problems they otherwise might not be able to.

If these people are important to you as friends, I wouldn't abandon them. But finding relaxing spots in fandom/the internet is important, too.

YES

[(Anonymous)]

Oh GOD I can't even begin to describe how much I agree with you. I come to fandom to escape ordinary pressures like job/life/bills/etc., not to be a therapist.