fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2202 ]

[ SECRET POST #2202 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2202 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Sorry, early today!

Also: I'm not going to officially warn for tongue-in-cheek "triggers" just to provide anyone with a fandom-specific in-joke when there are none in the secret.

Secrets Left to Post: 06 pages, 140 secrets from Secret Submission Post #315.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I was really moved by the anon who all-capsed being gay in the "Non-fandom Secrets" thread yesterday.

So this is for anyone else out there who is gay or bi as befucked, but can't come out right now. Shout it out to your hearts' content. Or yell out the things you've bitten back in conversation.

No, Nana - I don't have a boyfriend, because I'm focusing on my studies right now, and also because I'm so gay I can't even look at you straight.

Oooh, this sounds like fun!

Yes, traditionalist friends of mine from high school, not only am I not a virgin anymore, not only do I not want to be in a committed relationship with a guy, I'm also more than willing to be in a non-committed relationship with a lady. AND I'VE WANTED THAT SINCE HIGH SCHOOL. I wasn't kidding when I said I had a crush on that cute soccer player with the freckles and the douchebag boyfriend.

The sad thing is I was going to tell them. But then they started in on their opinions of strippers and I kind of...didn't even want to go there.

I AM CONFLICTED BISEXUAL ANON.

I WISH YOU WOULDN'T TALK SO MUCH ABOUT ME HAVING A HUSBAND, MOM, BECAUSE SOMETIMES I DON'T THINK I WANT ONE EVER.

I WISH YOU UNDERSTOOD SEXUALITY BETTER SO I COULD TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS, BUT YOU'VE BEEN SO BUSY WISHING IT ON MY BROTHER IN THE HOPES THAT HE'LL END UP WITH A WOMAN RATHER THAN BEING GAY THAT I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE TALKING TO YOU ABOUT IT AND IT MAKES ME SAD BECAUSE WE TALK ABOUT ALMOST EVERYTHING AND I LOVE YOU A LOT.

I WISH PEOPLE DIDN'T VIEW BISEXUALITY AS THE NEW BLACK.

I WISH I WAS BRAVE ENOUGH TO GO TO A GSA MEETING BUT I'M FAR TOO SHY ON THIS ISSUE, I WORRY THAT IF I REALIZE LATER THAT I'M NOT INTO GIRLS AS MUCH AS I THOUGHT I WAS THAT I'LL BE LABELED AS A BAD PERSON.

STOP BEING HOMOPHOBIC, CONSERVATIVE ROOMMATES. IT REALLY BOTHERS ME THAT I HAVE TO TALK ON THE PHONE WITH MY BROTHER AND MOM SOMETIMES LITERALLY IN MY OWN CLOSET SO YOU WON'T JUDGE ME FOR MY CONVERSATIONS.

/hugs

seconding hugs. Stay strong, anon. Circumstances will change, and for the better.

Also, I really encourage you to go to a GSA meeting. If you end up not so much into girls, the ones who might look down on you for it are assholes. Nobody should be expected to have themselves instantly figured out. And with regard to your shyness, it's a gay-/straight/ alliance. You don't have to attend under any more pretense than wanting to be supportive. With your brother, you even have a concrete reason, if you feel compelled to give one. Of course, if you can break through and be open, no one there should expect you to have it all together. "I think I might be bi" is as good an introduction as any.

CONFLICTED BISEXUAL ANON, I WISH I KNEW YOU IN MEATSPACE BECAUSE WE COULD PRACTICALLY BE THE SAME PERSON and also idk we could maybe hold hands or something.

I'M SCARED SHITLESS ABOUT COMING OUT TO MY STEPFATHER AS TRANS.
(and I don't even have a reason to?)
MY MOTHER'S BEEN COOL ABOUT IT AND MY FRIENDS AND CLASSMATES, TOO.

IT'S POSSIBLE I'LL BE ON HORMONES THE NEXT TIME I VISIT HIM.
CRAP.

SHITFUCK SHITFUCK LOLOLOLOLOL HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I hate that it's easier for me to come out to biphobic straight people than most L&G's.

/too depressed for caps :(

honest curiosity, why?

Mostly because I've internalized a lot of the bs about bisexuality I read in otherwise open communities when I was first educating myself.

When straight people give me shit it's easier to ignore because I don't have any self-doubt that they're full of crap. But when gay people say things about my cowardice, attention-seeking ways, or my passing privilege it's harder to dismiss. And I definitely feel like I shouldn't argue anything in "their space". Part of me still feels like I'm a faker appropriating someone's identity or that maybe they're right and I'll suddenly realize I've actually been a lesbian in denial the whole time?

So I just have this insecurity that if I say I am bi "real" gay people will think less of me.

IDK how well I'm explaining this, ugh.

"Part of me feels like I'm a faker appropriating someone's identity"

Anon from below: I HAVE THIS FEELING ALL THE TIME

One time I apologized in private to a bisexual friend whose lesbian porn I was editing because I was enjoying it but I wasn't sure if I was queer enough for that to be non-exploitative

Which.

She found that amusing BECAUSE ENJOYING LESBIAN PORN AS A WOMAN IS INHERENTLY A LITTLE BIT GAY SO THERE'S NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE OR FEEL EXPLOITATIVE.

I actually completely understand this. I've actually told people in the past I'm a lesbian, even though I'm not, just so I won't have to face that. Which I know is cowardly and awful. :(

I think I understand - not completely, since I'm straight, but you're not explaining yourself badly imo. And it's like that fallacy that some people think about how "women can't be sexist" or whatever; people can be bigoted even if they're part of (or related to) the group they're bigoted against.

I'm really sorry you've had those experiences. fwiw, learning about biphobia kind of made me scratch my head - if you can accept that people are attracted to the same gender, why not accept that they could be attracted to either? But of course humans are humans, so of course, it exists...

Anyway, *hugs* good luck to you :)

<3 I'm sorry.

It's the feeling of not being 'queer enough' yeah? Like you'll be judged for having 'options'.

If it's another thing also feel free to share <3

Yes. This. TY.

You and me both, hon. I'm pansexual, married to a male-bodied genderqueer (as he identifies), and I cannot count the amount of shit that I get for "passing privilege", nevermind the "well you're just barsexual" crap, even though I've had more relationships with women than men. With one exception (and even he said that if he cared enough he probably would ID as genderqueer but he didn't want to deal with the *phobia) everyone I have been with has been cis female, trans female, or genderqueer. Yet... passing privilege. And thus I need to STFU, I'm not queer enough, I don't belong. I am attracted to women, I just don't care about body. (And there's a good bit of transphobia involved there too.)

It is seriously fucked up that I am more comfortable around straight people because I have literally had better luck explaining to them. Even the ones that are biphobic. I have certainly dealt with some awful crap from straight people but it has been pretty standard religious crap and not ~queerer than though.

Currently living two lives. Properly (as male) to those who matter, and enduring life "as a woman" to those people in my life who would never fucking understand.

I'm hitting a fork in the road though, because I'm starting hormones in a matter of days. I guess there's gonna be a lot of people from my old life who I just never see again.

Life would be so much fucking easier if I wasn't trans.

I wish you luck, nonny.
I hope you get MANLIER BY THE DAY TO SPITE THOSE ASSHOLES
You don't need their approval to know who you are and to become the person you want to be.

I am all caps anon, I'm happy I moved you!
I keep 'coming out' in varying amounts of flippancy on any anon thing I can. (It's actually helping me a lot.)

SAY IT WITH ME
WE'RE GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY AS ALL GET OUT
(LET'S PARTY)

I HATE THAT MY SELF ESTEEM/SELF WORTH ISSUES PREVENT ME FROM ACTUALLY EXPLAINING MY ORIENTATION PROPERLY TO MY CLOSEST FRIENDS (QUEER) OR TALKING TO THEM ABOUT IT AT ALL

I AM OUT TO THEM BUT I NEVER TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M BOTHERING THEM BY TALKING ABOUT MY BIG GAY PROBLEMS

ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY TELL ME THAT ME BEING GAY ISN'T THAT BIG A DEAL AND IT SHOULDN'T BOTHER ME

IT IS IMPORTANT

IT'S HUGE TO ME

IT'S GOING TO GET ME KICKED OUT OF MY HOUSE

AM I NOT ALLOWED TO FEEL BAD ABOUT BEING IN THE CLOSET? I DON'T KNOW

I FEEL LIKE MY QUEERNESS IS MY FAULT I MEAN I SOMETIMES LIKE GUYS OCCASIONALLY WHY DON'T I JUST DATE MEN ONLY AND PROTEND TO BE STRAIGHT AND GROW MY HAIR BACK OUT AND WEAR DRESSES AGAIN

MY MOM ISN'T DIRECTLY TELLING ME THAT SHE DOESN'T LIKE HOW I LOOK/DRESS, BUT SHE'S CERTAINLY PUTTING A LOT OF EFFORT INTO IMPLYING HOW MUCH BETTER SHE'D LIKE IT IF I WAS GIRLY LIKE MY SISTER
Oh, you'd look so nice right now, don't get a haircut! Oh, you look so much better in that shirt!

Caps loc because I don't know how to put things in italics

HEY ROOMATE, I AM ACTUALLY QUEER.
I THOUGHT I COULD TELL YOU AT ONE POINT BECAUSE YOU LISTENED TO ME EXPLAIN QUEER THEORY AND DIDN'T THROW A FUSS. BUT THEN YOU TOLD ME THAT IT "ACTUALLY MADE YOU FEEL KINDA WEIRD" WHEN SOME OF YOUR HS FRIENDS CAME OUT TO YOU.
THAT IS NOT BEING ACCEPTING, JSYK. YOU MAY THINK IT IS SINCE YOU'RE STILL FRIENDS WITH THEM AND ALL, BUT IT'S NOT.
I'M ALSO REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE WAY YOU FETISHIZE GAY MALES SO IF YOU COULD STOP THAT, IT WOULD BE GREAT.

oh and dear v. catholic/conservative aunt & uncle who support me a lot, btw, yeah.
oh and dear mother-who-doesn't-understand-bisexuality too

goddamn I can't tell if this thread is making me happy or not anymore.
but really, op, ty.

I know that feeling, anon. Good luck, I hope you get a more accepting roomate next year. /hug

my best friend told me she had a dream about me being gay and she LOL'd about how it would never ever happen and how she absolutely can't imagine me being gay.

gee, thanks a lot bff.

i know it's not her fault but wow she laughed a tad too hard

Dear coworkers: yes, there are queer people in America! I'm one of them. I don't want to tell you because I already feel like an outsider here all the Goddamn time and I don't want yet another thing to come between us, but since I'm leaving soon I might just bite the bullet.

PS: There are queer people here too and I feel super sorry for them because at least I get to leave!

Edited 2013-01-13 09:37 (UTC)

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[ SECRET POST #2202 ]

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