[ SECRET POST #2204 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2204 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 091 secrets from Secret Submission Post #315.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

Demisexuality is not a subset of anything. Your example describes a homosexual man with a higher emotional to physical attraction ratio, seeing as his only criterion for physical attraction is that the person is another man. He is not demisexual, he's a regular homosexual. He should be happy that this is the case, as he now has an accepted label that won't get him attacked on the internet.

Demisexuals do not have a single criterion for physical attraction; unlike pansexuals, though, they cannot find anybody who is not their partner/emotional crush physically attractive in any way (expect maybe aesthetically). Without a partner or emotional crush, they're attracted to nobody. It's just not there. Unlike asexuals, though, they still have a sex drive and sexual desire, it's just not directed anywhere.

Believe me, my boyfriend would love to have another label other than "demisexual" to use, seeing as he can't even say anything about it without assholes calling him a slut-shamer or whatever. This isn't some speshul snoflayke olympics; he's got enough to worry about without the internet attacking one of the few things that he's actually sure about.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

Sorry, but no. If your boyfriend has had sexual attraction to both men and women he's formed an emotional bond with/known for a period of time than he is Bisexual. Sexual experience=/=an orientation.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

Bisexuality = an attraction to men and women. My boyfriend is attracted to neither. Currently, he is attracted to me. When he had crushes or dated other people, he was exclusively attracted to that one person. Nothing to do with their physical appearance of any sort.

Really, his only sexual experience has been with me, so if I was going to argue that experience equals orientation (which it most certainly doesn't), I'd be arguing that he was gay, which he is not. If you are assuming that he's had sex with both men and women and is therefore bisexual, then you're the one trying to argue that his experience defines his orientation.

And lastly, you don't get to decide what his identity is, thank you very much.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

Your friend's body might take a different route, but the end result is the same. Orientation is not based on how you experience your sexuality, but who it is or isn't directed towards. And to quote another good point:

"The base of this false movement is “identity.” You’ve probably heard the term “identity politics” used to refer to people who believe that identity colors one’s experiences, and this idea is not without merit. Identity is an important concept, and is essential to the fighting of bigoted stereotypes and ideas about marginalized groups. It is very easy for people who have never lived or seen a certain kind of oppression personally to believe that it just doesn’t happen, even despite statistics. But people who seek to misuse the term take that concept all the way down the slippery slope. According to them, as long as someone identifies as something, it is true. No exceptions.

Think about that for a minute.

Do you identify as a butterfly? Then you are one. Do you identify as a pie? Then you are full of buttery, fruitilicious goodness. If you follow the “to each their own” philosophy, one could almost wave the basic idea as long as it didn’t interfere with, you know, reality. But this is the dark side of the internet, and it devours all common sense like a black hole eats light. And we’ve already crossed the event horizon. Anything not mainstream is “oppressed” in this wonderland. Wielding identity as a weapon, one can entirely remove themselves from personal responsibility for their part in harming others, and ultimately, any negativity at all.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

Wow. Because he's attracted to personality type rather than physical type, you're comparing him to somebody who identifies as a butterfly?

Yeah, I'm done trying to reason with you.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/pretending-youre-oppressed-the-new-internet-fad-2/

"“Demisexuality” is part of the “asexual” grouping. I’d tell you what it means, but demisexual people are confused about it too (and you’ll find about 100 conflicting definitions out there), so I’ll give my understanding. Demisexuality is when people only feel sexual desire for those whose personality they like, or to whom they are emotionally attracted. In other words, they make up most of the population. But they’re very oppressed, if you ask some of them. Oppressed how, exactly? No one knows, but you can’t expect them to provide any evidence. That would be wrong."

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

I never said he was oppressed. Now you're tilting at windmills.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

It's okay if your boyfriend likes your appearance. It's going to be okay bb.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

It sucks that people are assholes to your boyfriend, but that's still not a separate orientation.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

Orientation is who you are or are not attracted to. How you are attracted to them is not an orientation.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

He's attracted to certain personality types, regardless of the body. He could be attracted to a sufficiently advanced AI program if its personality parameters fit the bill.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

You...do realize that describes a lot of sexual people, right?

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

Shhhh, don't try to tell them they're not actually that different or unique. They have to believe they're isolated and looked down upon by society so they can participate in online conversations about ~isms and privilege without feeling like a poseur.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

Most sexual people have at least a few physical traits they find desirable - blue eyes over brown, red hair over black, etc. Most sexual people also tend to favor one gender or sex over the other, or have certain things they like in one gender/sex and not the other.

I am in no way trying to imply that demisexuals are the only ones who operate in this fashion; I'm trying to explain that this is the only way they operate. Whereas most people have physical and emotional parameters for possible dating partners, some parameters having more weight than others, demisexuals have only emotional. And please don't construe this as me trying to say that it's somehow "better;" it is simply a different form of attraction, neither better nor worse.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

Believe me, my boyfriend would love to have another label other than "demisexual" to use

Why does he need a label?

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

I suppose because not having a special label to go by isn't as fun. There's a huge need to be 'different' or 'unique', especially online. Heterosexual/Homosexual/Bisexual is too vanilla. Or something like that. I also don't understand why 'demisexuals' are so obsessed with rejecting the fact that they are not alone in how they experience their Hetero/Homo/Bisexuality.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

How would you feel if you didn't have a word to describe yourself?

Labels are sort of essential to identity and communication. The only people I've seen want to "do away" with labels are people who already have definite words to describe themselves. It's rather cruel to say that I can call myself gay, and somebody else can call themselves straight or bi or pan, but he can't call himself anything because he "doesn't need" a label.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

Label=/=Orientation. You can only pop a boner whenever someone is wearing highheels that still does not make it an orientation.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

I really wouldn't care. I don't need to compartmentalize every aspect of my being, my personality into neat little names. I don't need to define myself with made-up words, to myself or to others.

There are plenty of gray areas - many in terms of sexuality alone. What do you call someone who only focuses on one gender now but experimented in college? A man who's into women but would accept blowjobs from men? A woman who's into men but loves the feel of other womens' breasts? Breaking down the nitpick points doesn't support, it divides.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

God, you're almost as bad as those heterosexual people on tumblr who claim to be queer/oppressed because "Oh my god, guys were mean to me because I was cold to them. :("

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

Please tell me where I seem to have said that he's oppressed because of this. I said people were being assholes - which is demonstrably true.

And why do you people take anything on tumblr seriously. My god.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

Because tumblr is the new LJ for special snowflakes.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[anonymouslyyours]

IDK if you're who I was pissy with yesterday or not but I'm sorry people are being kind of dickish to you about this whoever you are. It kind of sounds like your boyfriend is collateral damage in this turf war. He should be able to have some way to identify as someone who experiences sexual attraction solely to emotional and mental traits. I still don't think it is an orientation and at this point I think "demisexual" is a lost cause anyway. Maybe I'm wrong, what do I know, but I just wanted to say I know how important having a word can sometimes be and what it's like to be on the "wrong" side of an identifier. So while I disagree with you I'd still like to let you know it's not personal, I hope wherever you are this isn't getting to you, and I'm sorry how this kind of thing can get so ugly.

(frozen comment) Re: ...

[(Anonymous)]

All I see here is someone desperately flailing about trying to convince strangers that their boyfriend loves them for their ~personality and not their ~appearance. You really are giving off a vibe of low selfesteem or commitment issues, dear. Therapy is a far better place to deal with these issues than self delusion and mud slinging. This is not healthy, it really isn't.

(frozen comment) Re: Why you're kind of a moron

[(Anonymous)]

I feel your pain, I really do. I only feel attraction to a person once I have learned how well they cook. We're known as bakersexuals and it is just so hard!