[ SECRET POST #2205 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2205 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[Transformers Prime]


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03.
[Rise Of The Guardians, Journey into Mystery]


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04.
[The Hobbit/The Hillywood Show]


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05.
[Katawa Shoujo]


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06.
[Wreck-It Ralph]


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07.
[Journey into Mystery]


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08.
[Due South]


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09.
[Star Trek: TNG]


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10.
[Fate/Stay Night]


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11.
[Weird Science]


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12.
[Deception]


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13.
[Labyrinth]


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14.
[Once Upon a Time]


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15.
[Nina Hagen]


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16.
[BlazBlue]


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17.
[Sanctuary]


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18.
[Blade Runner]


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19.
[Kieron Gillen]


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20.
[Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword]


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21.
[Happy Endings/American Dad]


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22.
[Flesh for Frankenstein]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 065 secrets from Secret Submission Post #315.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Fanfics that will haunt you

[kaijinscendre]

And not in the good way. Does anyone have a fanfic from their baby days of fandom that you sometimes look back on and think, "That was awful." A friend and I were discussing this awful, awful, AWFUL fic LoTR fic we used to read together. It was one of those things that was so awful (plot wise) that you -have- to keep reading. Like a train wreck.

This one had Legolas as a sex slave to Aragorn. Like...all the Mirkwood elves were slaves to the other elves. And when you pressed the Legolas's ear (not sure if this applied to all the slave elves) he would become super horny and it was basically a fuck-or-die situation for the slave. The only scene I really remember is that Aragorn did the ear thing, but then orcs attacked so Legolas ended up fucking a tree.

That fic will be my last thought on my deathbed. "Grandma what are you trying to say?" 'Leg...' "Yes?" 'Legolas' "...yes?" 'Legolas fucked a tree' *death cue dramatic music*

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[(Anonymous)]

Yes. When I was new, badsex used to squick me out a lot, is the worst part. So I can still remember bits of the worst porn I read in 2002. Ughh.

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[fingalsanteater]

... I need to read this. Now.

Doesn't haunt me in the same way, but I'll always remember the first time I read chan. Snape was grooming and perving on a 12 year old Blaise in the fic. I remember I was really disturbed. I tried to finish reading it, but the grooming got extremely creepy and my 13 year old self couldn't handle it.

I remember the age of the "curves in the right places" Hermione and all the terrible shipping fics. I shipped Ron/Hermione at the time. Those stories were so awful.

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[(Anonymous)]

Aragorn did the ear thing, but then orcs attacked so Legolas ended up fucking a tree.

WHAT? :'D

Well, I didn't see this coming

Nobody expects Treefucking Inquisition!

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[(Anonymous)]

I've posted about this before on here because it really does kind of haunt me. But there's this ridiculous fanfic I found on adultfanfiction years ago called Gehenna, and I'm not sure if it's the best or worst thing ever. It's mostly a Buffy fanfic, although the authors (it's a collab) draw in a ton of other female TV characters, and the premise is that the Buffy characters are imprisoned in a magical women's prison where their libidos are supernaturally increased, and so is their rate of healing, and the main concern of the whole prison is anal sex. And it's just written in the most ridiculous, over-the-top way possible - here's an example of what I mean:

But Faith wouldn't cum. She would not allow herself. She would not cum like a bitch with a dick in her ass. The witch had used her magic to make her body respond to the sodomy, forced her to moan like a fucking bitch, had forced those words out of her, but the redhead would not make her cum. Faith didn't care how powerful Willow was. Willow could use magic to make Faith like getting butt fucked, which was the only reason which could explain how Faith could be possibly enjoying it, but no matter how powerful she was Willow would never make her cum like a bitch with a dick in her ass. No one would. She wouldn't cum, she wouldn't cum, she wouldn't cum, she... "Aaaaaarrrrrghhhh," Faith screamed as she came like a bitch with a dick in her ass, "Aaaarrrggghhhh."

I think that's probably the best example of the general prose style that's used here - it's over-the-top and ridiculous but done in the most serious style ever and I just find it the funniest thing ever, and it's taken to this point where it's almost amazing - I mean, that last sentence is one hell of a thing for someone to write. And the most insane thing about this is that there's 20 long chapters of this - it's essentially a novel written about various television characters having anal sex with each other in the most ridiculous, over-serious way possible - and I'm completely obsessed with who the people are who would write this much in such a ridiculous way with such an absurd premise.

Anyway it's called Gehanna and it's located here: http://buffy.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600091845&chapter=1#

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[(Anonymous)]

there are a few non-con fics that left me shaken for days

(I can no longer stand non-con, but I don't know if it's because of those fics or just a different perspective as the years passed by, or both)

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[(Anonymous)]

I... I think I may have read this fic way, way back in the day. Although I don't think I made it to the end because I can't remember treefucking, and you'd remember treefucking, wouldn't you? But the rest sounds hauntingly familiar.

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[(Anonymous)]

*Dying*

I think I had something to add to this thread, but then I got to the end of your post and now I can't remember because I'm laughing too much.

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, and also I recently bumped into a Sherlock fanfic which I now cannot unsee.

It was basically a shipping piece of tolerable quality (read: usual awful), but it ended with two rhymed lines

[blah-blah-blah-Johnlock is the only true ship]

And if you don't agree,
I'd say it is a blasphemy!

WHY
WHY
WHY

WHY did they think it would be a good idea

And everyone hailed that bit like it was a Hitler on a deathbed

I FOUND THE FIC GUYS! I FOUND IT!

[kaijinscendre]

"Legolas, on the other hand, whimpers at the loss of contact and
turns to the first warm form he feels and starts rubbing against the
beech tree. Legolas' inner self was almost dancing. He had actually regained control of his body and been able to warn Boromir, who was on his way to warn the rest of the fellowship. Legolas' joy shatters when he realizes that Boromir is gone and he… he is… humping a tree. He has to return to himself again. The orcs are just a few heartbeats away. He screams he wails, but nothing happened. Legolas is near despair as he screams out his frustration and is soon back in his body, still screaming."

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH http://www.libraryofmoria.com/legolasaragorn/boundbybluegold.txt

ALSO, IN REGARDS TO YOUR DEATHBED JOKE

[fingalsanteater]

"Rose...bud."

It turned out "Rosebud" was the name of a bad fic she once read about Dr. Smith worshiping Will's anus. Apparently, the author went on, in Dr. Smith's voice, about how Will's asshole was a "perfect pulchritudinous pucker" and a "resplendent rosebud."

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[(Anonymous)]

The very first fanfiction I ever read was an unmarked M on fanfiction.net, where two villains fought. It started out all epic battle, and then one of the villains won!...and spent the next thousand years torturing the other one. (Seriously, we're talking like remove-the-bones-from-his-hands-and-then-have-him-horse-raped torture).

I was eleven, for context, and now I'm twenty-four. I'm still horrified.

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[(Anonymous)]

A Dobby/Hagrid fic.

"Dobby stretches sir!"

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[oroburos69]

OMG. I remember reading that one. All I remember was thinking that it was irredeemably dumb, and since I was, like, 13, it must have been amazingly stupid.

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[othellia]

It was a Katara/Zuko Persephone/Hades AU, I read in either... 2006 or 2007 now. I tried to find it again out of morbid curiosity a couple months ago, but no success.

All the main characters had sparkly wings and Zuko lived in a volcano or something. Most of it was your standard bad noncon fic, but there was one particular passage that will haunt me until I die where one of the sex scenes was describing as "he pounded her into water tribe mush." D:

Katara, Why Do You Play With The Fetus Erection?

[(Anonymous)]

http://cartoon.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600092510

I'm pretty sure I mentioned this fic before on f!s. In any case, I win.

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[loracarol]

When I was first getting into fandom, I started reading this long, plotty Tenchi/Ryoko fic. My OTP got married! Yay! And then came the "wedding night".

I didn't know what the "wedding night" meant, so I read porn.

I don't think it was bad? I don't really remember it being bad, but it will forever haunt me because of the fact that it was my first porno fic... My first intro into sex ever, actually.

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[(Anonymous)]

Incestuous inflation fic involving a baby doll "pregnancy", some water, and a "birth" scene.

Yep.

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[tabaqui]

Well...i do remember a series of fics, just short ficlets, that were all kind of au/dystopia things in the Buffy world and they had vampires-as-pets who had their fangs and genitals removed and vampires-as-other-vampire-hunters with chips and whatnot and Spike killing Dru and it was all rather horrifying and evil and Spike ended up either dead or enslaved for eternity in pretty much all of them.

Someone had rec'd them as really good 'dark' fic but, i tell you - they made me a bit ill.

On the other hand, the other fic that i shall always remember as mind-bendingly bad was a Spike/Xander fic of some renown that was SO FUCKING LONG, and just seemed to go on and on and on and had way too much torture/PTSD stuff in it that kind of derailed everything and a lot of *talking* and then this past-life stuff and.... Meh. It got, for me, to the point of hilarity that it just would. Not. End.

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[eaten_by_bears]

Haha! Thanks for that. I think Legolas/A Tree is my OTP for Tolkien now.

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[(Anonymous)]

I used to hang out on GAFF. I have much cerebral scar tissue.

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[(Anonymous)]

I think I might have mentioned this here before but...

I once read a rule 63 Hetalia fic in which Italy compares cunnilingus to drinking the sauce out of a bowl of pasta. Nearly threw up at the mental image.

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[(Anonymous)]

There's this one Transformers fic that was basically torture porn. I didn't finish reading it, but the first chapter alone made the bile rise into my mouth.

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[(Anonymous)]

Thankfully it didn't include sex scenes, but it was still pretty awful. It was a Yu Gi Oh fic that was essentially an authorial self-insert romance with Mokuba. Yes, the little kid. I think the only reason I read it was that it was marked as Joey/Mai and I was really into that pairing at the time, and I was too young and hadn't read much fic to just stop reading something so horribly written.

Re: Fanfics that will haunt you

[biohazardgirl]

Sherlock fandom: John has a Pony Play fetish, manifested when he was young by gen 3 My Little Pony. http://archiveofourown.org/works/321677

I swear I've read worse, more gruesome and terrifying things, but this one is the worst for me I think because it really served to show me the. . .creativity of some people.

WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MY LITTLE PONIES.

Oh also one where Sherlock dub-cons mini!John with a q-tip in the ass because WHAT.

I don't feel like looking for it, I only found the other one easily because it was very distinctive.

Edit: nevermind, I totally found it. I forgot how popular it was :P http://deuxexmycroft.livejournal.com/4602.html#cutid1