fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2273 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2273 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 117 secrets from Secret Submission Post #325.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ], [ 1 2 3 - trolls ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

trying to be a good person is difficult and unrewarding. why do you think so few try to do it? it's much easier to relax in ignorance or find reasons to justify all your actions.

...what?

Ssssh. Let them feel like they're a hero for achieving basic human decency.

lol i said trying to be a good person, not achieving sainthood. that nobody will thank you for being a decent person is merely truth. nothing about expecting anything in there, except that it naturally will be harder than not caring at all

why do you think so few try to do it?

Listen. You mean well, but you are not special for trying to be a good person. As you grow older you'll find that the vast majority of people in the world are trying to be good people. Many simply fail miserably.

replace try with succeed, then. there ya go

i never said i was special, or that i succeeded in this myself. no need to assume things and lecture down to me

You implied that by your language, which is all any of us here have to go upon.

i did not imply it, you inferred it ;)

>replace try with succeed, then. there ya go

(no subject)

chardmonster - 2013-03-24 20:07 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-24 20:09 (UTC) - Expand

chardmonster - 2013-03-24 20:16 (UTC) - Expand

kaijinscendre - 2013-03-24 20:11 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-25 11:38 (UTC) - Expand

chardmonster - 2013-03-25 12:04 (UTC) - Expand

You will also learn that the occasional stupid comment (or God forbid thought) does not automatically make someone a bigoted asshole.

Can we not use snide remarks insinuating things about others to talk about basic human decency? I mean come on.

I think basic human decency is something that should be approved of. What is the use in putting that level down? If everyone achieved basic human decency the world would be a much finer place.

There is a hell of a difference between being a 'decent human' and whatever the hell Tumblr "social justice" is.

What the OP mentioned in the secret is not being racist/sexist/ableist/homophobic. I think all those count.

You hate tumblr SJW... ok, that's cool. I don't think OP was talking only about that tho.

Tumblr social justice is the only place you see those kinds of terms and self berating. Because the rest of the world is sane.

I see those terms in lots of places (and I actually don't think it's that hard to make the effort to not behave in those ways)

not sure what you mean by "self berating" though?

Approval isn't the same as praise, though.

When I was a kid I got approval for looking both ways when I crossed the street. This is very good kid safety practice. However, my parents were not all "CHARDMONSTER! YOU SUCCESSFULLY AVOIDED GETTING HIT BY A BUS! GOLD STAR!" all the time. I only got that the first couple times.

The same with basic human decency. I'm not going to praise someone for not being mean to those around them. I'm not going to praise someone for not hating. Not unless they're a child or childlike and just figured this out.

Giving out gold stars for being decent is patronizing.

I agree with that. I also think that if the person in question is coming out of something like being homophobic, racist, or sexist... they are that child that needs reinforcement, because that's where they are.

You might not think they deserve it for being "only decent" but if they're coming from a place worse than that, their improvements being recognized by someone else is good added incentive for them to want to stay there.

I agree with that within reason. The thing is that people appear to demand those gold stars for their entire life. Furthermore they want shiny gold stars and not just a happy thumbs up.

Which "people"? Are talking about noted trends, anecdata, people you personally know-?

I have never, ever seen someone who was formerly racist and truly wanted to change, for example, go up to someone else and demand praise for not hating on other races.

I have seen people trying to change who- before they got to that point, other people telling them "good on you" for picking up when they were inadvertently being racist/sexist/homophoic and trying to stop, sounded like it helped a lot.

chardmonster - 2013-03-24 20:18 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-24 20:35 (UTC) - Expand

And before you say "I've seen lots of Nice Guys talking about how they treat women well"- I mean people who truly want to change to not hurt others, not to get sex or social approval. Because those don't want to change, they've just given up on everyone else accepting their assholery.

Actually if people started being patronizing to me for something like that I'd be really annoyed and more inclined to go back to doing what I was doing...

But I may be unusual in this regard

The "basic" is kinda the keyword, though. Quoth DC Simpson: there's a reason people seldom say "Boy, Bob is a wonderful human being! Today he was really mad about something but he didn't beat anyone to death with a hammer!"

See above response to chardmonster.

op says fandom is more stressful now because they are watching what they're saying? yea, it's harder to watch yourself and try not to be an ass to others than to not watch because it takes effort and nobody will thank you for it. dont see how this was hard to understand

You get an A+ for empathy.

lol what

Most people are good people. There's no trying about it. But they are people and they're not going to care 24/7. Sometimes people just need a break or are doing something else or have different priorities or just trying to manage their life etc etc

it's not black and white, most people are on a spectrum of shades depending on the day and their moods and how much you're heckling them over stuff