fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2306 ]

[ SECRET POST #2306 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2306 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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06. http://i.imgur.com/oVNCgcT.png
[kind of porny, illustrated, Hetalia]

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[Pokemon]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

09. [SPOILERS for Kingdom Hearts]

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10. [SPOILERS for Spartacus]
http://i.imgur.com/OtBhrXi.png
[gore? kind of, i think, live-action]

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11. [SPOILERS for Game of Thrones]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

12. [WARNING for rape]

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13. [WARNING for child abuse]

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14. [WARNING for loli/shota]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #329.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

13. [WARNING for child abuse]
http://i45.tinypic.com/11ad1g6.png

Guh, I totally know what you mean, OP. I went into the movie expecting a cute, fluffy adventure and came out wide-eyed in horror because HOLY SHIT that woman was abusive. I honestly wonder how many people who worked on that movie actually realized how (for want of a better word) "triggery" Mother Gothel would be, because I've seen TONS of people on this comm talk about how they saw their own emotionally manipulative parent in Mother Gothel.

I mean... it had to be intentional, right? Like, SOMEone on the team HAD to have known what they were doing. SOMEone on that team totally poured their own experiences into Rapunzel and Mother Gothel's relationship, and then found catharsis by helping Rapunzel's story come to life... right?

Well, considering she was the VILLAIN, yes, I'd say it was completely intentional.

Yes and no. Disney has a bad habit of not realizing what they're doing with their villains or how they'll come across--particularly the male villains like Scar or Whats-His-Name from Pocahontas. Just as I doubt that Disney intentionally went in with those characters and said, "Let's make these villains gay as all get-out," I also doubt that they intentionally went into Mother Gothel with the thought "Let's make her emotionally abusive and passive-aggressive in a way that most children won't really understand, but will trigger the hell out of a lot of adults."

ayrt

All right, fair enough. I was thinking about it just in terms of "she's the bad guy so let's have her behave like an asshole", not considering the nature of her actions is probably a lot more obvious (and possibly upsetting) to adults than kids.

Look, I don't mean to be cruel, but...Gothel was a villain. It kind of goes both ways with Disney, but most Disney villains aren't exactly the type most people...have a personal stake in. Ursula's an evil talking octopus. Maleficent is an evil fairy who got butthurt for not getting an invitation. Frodo is a hypocritical asshole clergyman who can do a lot more about what doesn't jive with his beliefs than just complain on public television.

But Gothel? What she does is a fundamentally recognizable situation for a loooot of people. God yes, that woman is triggery. I'd wager that YES, somebody at Disney knew what they were doing. For one, I'm just glad they actually had a villain who was a real piece of work.

If anything, Rapunzel got herself out of that situation. Gothel's triggery, but the moral I took from it is that if you take charge of yourself then you can get yourself out.

I hope to god you mean Claude Frollo and not Frodo Baggins.

And Ursula isn't an octopus. She's a mermaid with an octopus bottom.

Also known as a cecaelia. :)

OH MY GOD YES I MEANT FROLLO NOT FRODO. Lol. I can't believe I fucked that up.

...Okay fine. Mermaid with an octopus bottom.

Honestly, I cannot see how they could possibly have gotten the details they did without having had experience. There were just too many on-the-point quotes and attitudes. The thing that did it for me was Rapunzel's reaction to getting out of the tower. The back and forth between manic euphoria and debilitating anxiety, in rapid succession, was totally me when I left my abusive home. I could see some of the stuff from Gothel herself being Villain, but the way that Rapunzel reacted is absolutely dead on for an abuse survivor.

I'm sorry, OP. :( *hugs*

hopefully you realizing this will end up being a good thing... some people go their whole lives never reaching that clarity and thus never getting away from that toxic relationship.
good luck, op *hugs*

This.

I hope things work out for you OP. You know now, and that's the first step I guess.

I know what you mean, anon.... I feel the same way. I think my mom loves me, but I also can't deny that she was super emotionally and verbally abusive to me. Not as much now, but it still is/was an issue.

I hope the best for you, but try to remember this: Flynn didn't get Rapunzel away from Goethel. Rapunzel was the one who decided she'd had enough of being cooped up and wanted to leave her tower to see the world. I don't even remember Flynn doing a whole lot to save her from Goethel--he cut her hair, but by that point, Rapunzel had already realized how awful Goethel was. Even with Rapunzel promising to stay forever if Flynn was freed... I personally doubt that would have lasted. Maybe another few years at most. So watch the movie another few times, OP, and remember: Flynn may have supported Rapunzel in finding her freedom, once he got over being a dick and trying to get her back to the tower to make his own life easier, but Rapunzel was always the one who chose to step outside. You can too. And maybe it'll take longer without a Flynn, but you can do it. Someday when you're ready, your life will begin.

Yeah, this. Flynn ended up supporting her escape, but in the end he was just a reason for Rapunzel to overcome Gothel's abusive 'you can't go outside' programming.

You can and will get out, OP.

I really appreciate what you've said here and I'm glad that you think I could make it out on my own.

I tried to keep my situation vague because I'm a bit afraid that my mother will find this, but my situation mirrors Rapunzel's very closely. When I was in my preteens my mother pulled me out of public school and moved us far away. I am now in my late teens and since then I haven't had a friend or really any interaction with people outside of my close family. She's neglected to teach me any life skills and I have very crippling social anxiety and depression.

That's kind of why I want my own Eugene. I just want a friend that I could go on an adventure with. I realise now that I don't need one but I'd really appreciate one.

And I really hope nobody is insulted that I'm only replying to one of you. This is something that is really hard for me and I appreciate all of the well wishes I have gotten.

Oh, God, your situation's similar to mine in the past!

A divorce was how she left my life.

Please, hang in there. Until you can learn to interact with people more, online friends should help! Otherwise, believe in yourself and don't blame yourself for any naive/"stupid" mistakes you might make. It's not your fault you weren't prepared and can't recognize the cues.

Good luck!

I can't say I can relate much to this situation, OP, coming from a very loving, stable home, but secrets that deal with family matters always get to me. I sincerely hope you find a Eugene soon.

Until then, is there anyone you can talk to about your situation? Another close family member who just won't immediately tell your mother if you confide in them? A pastor or priest? A therapist or psychologist? Pretty soon, it's going to be time to spread your wings and get out there in the big, wide world, and having someone in your corner can be a big help. As far as life skills go, don't worry too much. As long as you can get the basics down, like keeping money in the bank, getting a job, and keeping yourself fed, the rest tend to come through trial-and-error even for the best of us.

Here's one more well-wisher rooting for you to make it, OP!

Heya OP, I just wanted to say that I had pretty much the exact same experience with tangled--I knew things were bad and that the way my mother treated me wasnt okay but it wasnt until i saw tangled for the first time that i realised just how bad it was. I sobbed the whole way through the movie, but since then it's become a major cornerstone for me in terms of recovery--I got out of my house a few months later. Actually, I cut contact and ran. By that point, things had gotten so bad that it was either leave or die. I'm not gonna lie, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I've been out of my mother's house for a year and a half and I still struggle every day--there are big gaps in my life skills because of my mother's isolation and I have nightmares about her all the time, but I'm surviving. I've finally found a safe place where I can stand n my own two feet and breathe easy. Wanting someone like Eugene is totally natural--for abused people having allies and support is vital. I literally would not have made it without my friends, and every day I'm grateful for them. The other posters talking about making online friends are right--I know it may be weird and hard at first given how you've been trained not to reach out--it was for me--but the internet is your greatest tool. You can meet people and find kids in similar situations, you can educate yourself on the stuff you're missing. You're not alone. Excuse me for being corny and terrible, but someday soon you'll be able to leave the tower too.

Here're some resources that helped me:

http://www.lightshouse.org/#axzz2Ret3FVg9
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/

OP, I sympathize. My mom was awesome, but my Dad was Gothel. I was homeschooled, and Mom didn't know most of what was happening. So, I was terribly isolated (as a teen I was lucky to see someone my own age every six months) and yeah.

Once I got out? The anxiety? Holy shit. It's been bad. I have other mental health issues as well (bipolar, runs in the family), but the anxiety has been a HUGE problem, and is triggered by approval or lack thereof or even fear of lack thereof. Even total strangers on the internet can trigger it.

I had my Eugene, and it helps, but it doesn't totally take away the anxiety. Rapunzel's reaction upon leaving the tower? Dead on.

If you need an ear, you are welcome to PM me or email or IM me; my contact info is all in my profile. *hugs offered*

Same here :/ (except the make me realize part... I already knew)

My friends somehow thought it was funny to tell me that she reminded them of my mom. Uncomfortable as fuck.

I wish you the best of luck, OP! Be strong!

same here OP.

Thing is, Disney is so gosh darn "chipper" about it...so I sort of really hate this movie. But at the same time I feel like I "owe it" because it made my mom "feel bad" so she's actually gonna let my sisters and I get jobs and stuff.

I finally realized that the way my mother treats people is wrong a few years before I saw this movie...but a few years later than my common sense should have allowed.

I'm sure she does love me, but in a toxic way. Her way of isolating me has traditionally been over-protectiveness - long after I turned eighteen, when I should have stopped rolling over, I let her forbid me to go out on my own because it 'wasn't safe'.

When I finally started to stick to my guns anyway, I had to endure many tantrums - either tears or throwing things and screaming - about how dare I 'make' her worry this way.

I've tried to encourage her to go out and do things on her own as well, but she refuses to do so unless I come along - like she can't enjoy herself unless I'm there to chaperone.

I'm now 25. I still live with her - it takes our combined salaries to keep the household afloat. But I weathered enough of the tantrums that she's down to making passive-aggressive remarks when I go somewhere.

I still don't have any friends; I've only ever had a few, mostly from school, and they haven't lasted. But I'm still hopeful that if I keep making an effort to live my life on my terms, to forge an identity separate from her possessiveness, I'll find people with whom I can have healthy relationships.

Wishing you the best for the same.

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[ SECRET POST #2306 ]

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tl;dr ahead