[ SECRET POST #2308 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2308 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 085 secrets from Secret Submission Post #330.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

How you can posses what can best be described as a floppy mucous hole, and have an aversion to penises is beyond me. At worst they look a bit silly instead of having the likeness of a hatchet wound.

no.

[(Anonymous)]

What. the. fuck.

[(Anonymous)]

hahahaha what the hell

[(Anonymous)]

How anyone can prefer flesh mushrooms over cute little cunts is beyond me.

[(Anonymous)]

Pssst, they're just mad they always want to get back into that oh so disgusting "mucous hole".

[(Anonymous)]

OP: Well the fact that I've been aquainted with my 'floppy mucous hole' since forever has gotten me pretty used to it

[(Anonymous)]

Awww, someone is angry!

[(Anonymous)]

You don't see that hole immediately when someone drops their pants, though. Whereas penises are just like HEY THERE LOOK AT ME /DANCES

[(Anonymous)]

And penises have this hole themselves. It's there, out in the open. Like a tiny flesh wound on an alien sausage. How disgusting! /sarcasm

[(Anonymous)]

Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle, yeah!

[(Anonymous)]

My gaping mucus hole is a beautiful flower, tyvm.

[(Anonymous)]

SOMEONE PUT THIS ON A T-SHIRT

[(Anonymous)]

...floppy? No, never mind, I don't want to know.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, I see. You must be part of that subset that can't stand not being offensive. Run along and play now.

[(Anonymous)]

How the hell is is floppy? It's a hole.

Penises are floppy.

How do guys manage to jump around? Sometimes I think about a character during an intense fight or even just gymnastics and think "man that thing must be flopping around like crazy..."

[(Anonymous)]

If it helps, I sometimes wonder the same thing about women and boobs.

[sockpants]

...floppy? Slimy I can see. But floppy?

[insanenoodlyguy]

BIG OL BEEF CURTAINS

[insanenoodlyguy]

2/10

[(Anonymous)]

>16 replies, and that mental image that is going to haunt my dreams

7/10

[ungoddly]

As someone who likes both and would be happy with either... no. Really, no. Penises go wibblebloobleblah and mess up the nice smooth lines of the anatomy. From a purely aesthetic perspective, vaginas win hands down. They follow the contours of the body, instead of looking like someone glued on a watersnake.

Unless they're bleeding, in which case ARGH OH THE AGONY GIVE ME A PENIS ALREADY JUST STOP THIS RED SEA.

But vaginas are more resistant to being kicked. I mean, being kicked in the cunt hurts like a motherfucker, but that's just because it's on bone, you know? It's easier to not double over and talk in a squeaky voice for half an hour. Plus, the vagina is better engineered. Whose smart idea was it to make the urethra the exit for two different systems in the penis? That's just silly. Also, the vulva is less obviously veiny than the penis, which is a good thing. And you can break a penis. You can't break a vulva. (You can break the pelvis, but that's beside the point)

Also, speaking from experience, vaginal secretions taste and smell better than those from penises, and there's more you can do to a vagina than a penis. Vaginas also fit better into trousers, and it's almost impossible to catch your vagina in your fly. They're also easier to treat for diseases, which in the penis often have to be treated through the urethra. On the other hand, the vagina is more likely to catch diseases - can anyone say yeast infection?

The human penis is bigger than necessary (look at other primates, whose penises are invisible when flaccid; that's a way more aesthetically pleasing and safer way to go), while the human vagina is smaller than it needs to be (resulting in the need to turn a baby mid-birth and the relative danger of pregnancy to human women compared to other animals). Both the penis and the vagina are at way less ergonomically efficient angles than in most animals, but the penis kind of particularly is.

In conclusion, both penises and vaginas have some serious design flaws. On balance, post-menopausal vaginas are probably the best, since the majority of their problems centre around menstruation and child-bearing. Penises and pre-menopausal vaginas draw in second place, though, with vaginas winning for both functionality and aesthetic attraction, but by a narrow margin, while the penis pulls ahead on the strength of its ability to not bleed like a bitch once a month or get yeast infections.

Also, you're an arse. Don't even get me started on arses...

[deadtree]

this comment wins the internet for today

[making_excuses]

[(Anonymous)]

Not at all floppy, thank you, and I've had two kids.

[(Anonymous)]

Huh. I thought this was a joke and people are responding seriously defensive.

My serious-o-meter never works.