fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2321 ]

[ SECRET POST #2321 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2321 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 100 secrets from Secret Submission Post #332.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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15. http://i.imgur.com/znJWHG4.png

...In the beginning I could relate to it, but then it got seriously weird and depressing. I'm sorry it turned out like this, OP :(

I just don't care enough. The lack of motivation to type a response comes directly from my lack of care for the person in question.

Aw, anon! You should go and try and reconnect if you can. :(

It's never to long to reconnect anon. I know how it is with anxiety and depression to not be motivated to respond or feel pressured to respond. It takes a lot out of a person. But if you ever told them about your anxiety and depression, there is a chance they will understand. Just be honest with them.

I hope you are able to keep in touch with the friends you made now. Good luck :)

Fucking coward. Just tell them you don't want to get personal instead of making people who deserve better then you worry.

All your bad feelings are entirely your fault.

it's than, not then

I know exactly how this feels. You're not the only one who's like that...

Recently I was thinking how much I miss some of my old RP partners who I drifted apart from just like this. I felt increasingly awkward and so increasingly avoided them, which only made me feel more guilty and awkward, and so on... (In fact, I've also lost some RL friends in a very similar way.)
And right now, there's a forum I've been avoiding posting on due to a PM I never replied to...

Yeah. Regrets. I have them.

You might be surprised to find out that other people especially real friends do not feel as entitled to your time and attention on their terms, as you convinced yourself they would. You let your imagination run wild and prevent you from doing something you enjoyed and made it your friend's "fault" because obviously they would totally get mad if you posted on the forum while they were waiting for your PM reply. How dare you do anything other than focus on them?!

Anyone who legit would react like that is not your friend. If you were projecting onto them how you would react well then you were in the wrong. Suck it up. Learn and grow. Mature. Make good friends who won't make you feel like you "owe" them your friendship.

It sounds completely ridiculous and illogical what you've put yourself through. You. Nobody did this to you, except you. Own it and move on.

I do sincerely wish you good friendships. Sounds like you're at least still trying so that's great. Don't give in to wild imaginings that have no basis of proof. Friends are good things they aren't out to jump all over you and criticize you.

Me? I'm not your friend. I don't count. I'm criticizing you. You'll live just fine afterward, too. :D

Also, holy wall of text batman. :P

tl;dr

Frankly, I don't have a lot of sympathy for you, because I've been on the other side of things. It really sucks to have a close friend vanish like that. Especially if, like me, you're also depressed and anxious and have been making a special effort to answer messages in a timely manner.

People like you are the reason I've given up on making friends online.

This

I can relate to the motivation thing, which is why I usually have smaller back and forths/messages with my internet friends when I'm taking a long time to answer their longer messages.

I hope you can muster up the courage to return to your forum friends, OP.

I have a really high tolerance, but WOW tl;dr much?

Yep, same here.

JFC, I just can't understand why if you're so anxious about re-appearing on the forum as "yourself", why the hell don't you just create a new screen name/log-in? Just pretend you're a newbie.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-05-11 23:36 (UTC) - Expand

Holy shit, I now wonder whether this is why one of my friends hasn't responded to my email for over a week..

We are technically offline friends at this point, having met f2f a ton of times. But maybe there's still a part of her that doesn't feel as close to me as I do to her? Damn. We're planning a trip together, I really want it to work out.

/making it all about me

My sympathies to you, anon. Sometimes personal connections are anxious-making.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-05-12 00:17 (UTC) - Expand

OP, this isn't normal. You have anxiety problems.

(I recognize the symptoms because I have/had them too. Get help, OP. :( )

same anon

(Anonymous) - 2013-05-11 23:59 (UTC) - Expand

Having been on both ends of this (the person who just started avoiding until they were completely absent, and the person who wonders where their friend quietly disappeared off to), I feel sorry for you and think you're overestimating any reactions/opinions your old friends may have. I hope you can work on your anxiety though, and that maybe you can reconnect at some point. Good luck o/

This says a lot about you OP

It's either

1. you do have a legimate problem with anxiety, so get help, and let those friends know you are all right.

2. Or, you really don't view them as friends, because if you did you would prioritize them more and make a better effort to respond more often.

I've been where your friend is and all I can say is from my perspective? I would love to hear from you again.

I am worried and I want you to know you are loved and worried over and there is really nothing to pressure you and I'm sorry that how close we were gave you anxiety.

It's been over five years since I heard from my friend and I worry for her regularly. She doesn't respond to emails and I am saddened because she just...stopped. There was no drifting away. There was no 'I can't do this right now'.

One day, we're laughing and joking and talking and the next silence and a whole lotta days of silence.

Good luck to you. If they're a good friend to you, they'll understand.

I've done the same thing, and it makes me very sad. I often WANT to reply to emails or PMs or comments, but I feel low and crappy so I put it off... or I think I don't have the energy to give it the response that it deserves, so I put it off more... and then I feel so bad for not replying that I continue to not reply... it sucks.

I'm terrible at taking my own advice, but you could try just explaining this to your friends, if you're interested in rekindling a relationship with them. If you rejoin the forum, you don't have to try to interact with you old friends, but you could try just apologizing to them if it comes up.

I hope you get better with the anxiety and depression. It's hard, and it sucks when it interferes with friendships like that.

I'm sorry you lost a friend. I hope you're able to reconnect someday.

I get like this, and it fucking sucks.

Oh? What's that? I got a PM on this site?
Time to avoid my PM box for about a year.

Or I just completely fuck off in the middle of conversations, because my brain just hits a certain point of panic where I have to leave.
No more further reading. No more further acknowledgement of the conversation.
Just... leave.

I hate everything about it. And people tend to assume that if you do this, you are a snob or just otherwise aren't interested in being friendly towards them. Or to just "Shut up and deal with it, everyone's shy!!!"
But no. Panic attacks aren't something to just "get over." Severe depression isn't something to just "get over."

I know it gets hard to reply to letters sometimes, but that friend of yours sounds like a legitimately good friend. You don't get people like that who still actively remember who you are years later. Not talking to him anymore is probably your loss. But...

Please consider how he might be feeling worried or so forth over your disappearance. I had an IRL friend who moved away and disappeared on everyone she knew here, even going as far as to completely disappear from the internet as well. She didn't reply to any of our texts or calls or anything, and after a while I was starting to think she was suicidal, or perhaps even ill or passed away, and I wouldn't ever know what happened and if I could have done anything about it. It made me feel terrible. Her replying to my texts one day and exchanging only just a *few* words just felt like such a relief. Your friend may not expect you to reply with a huge long personal letter or whatever. Just a few simple words, an acknowledgement that you're still alive and OK, even if your priorities have changed and you may not have time to be that active on the forum again, would be all he could hope for.

Don't think people are constantly *expecting* something from you-- that's when things go from "fun" to becoming "work". Being more considerate of what others are feelings, and don't put made up words or expectations in their mouths. I'm sure you'll feel a lot more relieved on your end after you reestablish even just a brief contact with him. Think of it this way-- you stayed away for years and it's not like your feelings about this subject changed for the better; if anything, you let it fester and get worse. What's the worst that can happen if you reach out again? It doesn't sound like he'll get angry at you. What's the best thing that can happen? You guys become cordial, or even become good friends again.

Two sides:
Anons answering "Coward!" and "Check in, dammit!": No, there is no such law. Shit happens. It will to you too, and then you'll need patient friends. Be a patient friend.

Angsting anon: Stop making promises to yourself and others that you ALWAYS will answer. Than won't happen, if you live in RL. Shit happens. Saying to yourself that "This time I'll answer to all!" is setting yourself up for failure and digging your ditch deeper. Instead: tell your new friend up front that you need time off sometimes and not to worry about it. Taking a break is perfectly normal and healthy too. There are laws about vacation time, and they're there for good reasons.

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