fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2328 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2328 ⌋

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Shit-talking behind someone's back is generally considered a pretty classless thing to do.

Yeah, I understand that, but I wouldn't classify saying that somebody is ugly as "shit-talking"? Unless it is being said in a generally unflattering context.

And... I just... don't know. On the one hand, yes, "shit-talking" is a bad thing. On the other hand, under certain circumstances it is regarded as something perfectly normal. Say, people on f!s sometimes rant about how they hate somebody (their mother, their flatmate, their classmate et c.), and others seem to be sympathetic about it.

I'm a bit clueless.

OP here.

We were in organic chem and they sit a little ways across from me. I didn't overhear the entire conversation, but I honed in on them when I heard my name being mentioned. What I did hear was:

Guy: *whispers something I couldn't hear*
Girl: Oh, Areilla (not a common name, either)? Not at all. I think she's really ugly, actually.

When I turned around she was looking right at me-- until the guy nudged her and she started whispering to him again.

I'm all for acknowledging that people have different tastes in what they consider nice looking, but I think it's terrible that she said such a thing when I was within hearing distance. Frankly, they shouldn't have been talking about me at all.

I personally would never call someone ugly like that. I'd say I didn't find someone attractive, sure, but I'd never say anyone was "ugly". Especially someone I knew IRL. ESPECIALLY if they were anywhere nearby.

It's just a horrible thing to do.

The "Not at all" part makes me think he said something about thinking you were cute, or something to that effect. She tore you down because she felt threatened. I would ignore her, that's the go-to defense for shallow girls.

This. Either way, I'm sorry you heard that, OP. *hugs*

da

My thoughts exactly.

OP, looks like you have a date if you want it! :V

That was really awful of that girl. I agree -- it's one thing to say that you, subjectively, are not into a person's appearance; that's completely valid and nobody owes anybody else physical attraction. But to act like your tastes and preferences are universal and no one could ever find a person attractive just because you don't, is assholish. And "ugly" is a really loaded and powerful term that carries that objective judgment even when qualified with an "I think." She was being an asshole to you, and I'm sorry it happened.

I'm sorry it happened to you, OP :/

But different strokes, I guess. (when it comes to opinions on what is acceptable and what is not)

:( The blame is on them for being so rude. It's human to talk about someone, but it is not proper* to talk about people within hearing distance/the same room for this exact reason.

Sounds like the girl is just thoughtless. She might be a real bitch, or shallow or just socially dumb when it comes to gossiping about classmates. It's really hard to know, but what she's like doesn't really matter. What she said and where she said was stupid and rude.

can you perhaps not sit near them anymore or are their assigned seats? Eitherway, she doesn't deserve to weigh on your mind so much OP. What she said was thoughtless and really not true.

*woah that sounds oldfashioned, but you get me?

I honestly can't think of a context in which calling someone ugly would be anything other than "unflattering." It's saying that they are objectively and inherently undesirable -- to say nothing of the fact that we live in a society that links moral worth and inherent value to physical attractiveness, especially for women. That's a completely different issue than saying you hate someone because of their behavior toward you.

Oh, yeah. I have a family member that I am considering unfriending on FB. All she does is make posts like "Fat people, stop wearing bathing suits in public. No one wants to see that!!" or "Fat people, you'll never be Barbie, stop pretending you're pretty!" And stupid shallow crap like that.

Well, this is very different from simply saying that somebody is ugly (not even publicly, mind you).

My cousin made a post with a picture of herself beside a thick black woman with a caption that said "Why would anyone choose THAT over THIS".

Apparently her boyfriend broke up with her for the other girl. And apparently my cousin is the better choice because she's skinny.

I de-friended her as soon as I made a comment saying, "'Cause maybe what's on the inside of THAT is prettier than you can ever hope to be".

A lot of our family is overweight (I used to be myself) and to say that despite that? Ugh.

if you think unfriending may come with unwanted drama, see if you can't make a folder (name it something boring like people, 010101 or similar) then make it so you don't see the updates of people in that folder
(I think you can also go to their front page and change it so you only see important updates or none at all? This is what I did when a friend-of-a-friend I probably cannot unfriend without a slight social lashback)

There's a flattering way to call someone ugly now? What would that be? "You'd be a FANTASTIC blind-camp counselor!" I think that Cher movie disproved that one as being unhurtful.

it's never going to be flattering, but you can still think someone is both ugly and a great person. suppose you were chatting with a friend about someone else, about how they're unfortunate in the looks department but such a wonderful person that you wish people gave them more of a chance. calling the person ugly isn't flattering, but it doesn't mean the sentiment is meant to be degrading.

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